


Outcast

by Just_a_gay_furry



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Homeless, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Bisexual Male Character, Bisexuality, Boys In Love, Child Abuse, Denial of Feelings, Depression, Family Issues, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay Male Character, Homelessness, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Poverty, Pro Volleyball Player Bokuto Koutarou, Pro Volleyball Player Hinata Shouyou, Pro Volleyball Player Kageyama Tobio, Pro Volleyball Player Kuroo Tetsurou, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Slow Burn, Social Anxiety, Starvation, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:55:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 25
Words: 55,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24225451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Just_a_gay_furry/pseuds/Just_a_gay_furry
Summary: At twenty years old, kenma is on his last leg in life. With nothing but a spare two dollars and the clothes on his back, kenma is thinking of ending it all. Untill kuroo, a sort of wealthy pro volleyball player picks him off the streets and changes things forever.Please read the tags, this fic will get dark.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Bokuto Koutarou & Kuroo Tetsurou, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 169
Kudos: 373





	1. Nothing left

**Author's Note:**

> Hey yall!
> 
> This is the start of my first super long fic and im very excited about it!! Im hoping to have this fic over 70k at the minimum, while aiming for 100k. 
> 
> This fic will have talk of mental health issues later on, so please beware the tags!!! 
> 
> Also here are the ages of the characters!!!
> 
> Kuroo-21  
> Kenma-20  
> Bokuto-21  
> Akaashi-20  
> Kageyama-19  
> Hinata-19  
> Daich-21  
> Suga-21  
> Yaku-21
> 
> Also you can pry bisexual kuroo out of my cold, dead hands. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this fic! Im really happy with how its turning out!!! 
> 
> Thank you!

Kuroo POV

Whap! 

the loud sound of a volleyball being hit reverberated around the gym as kuroo spiked yet another ball, landing on the other sides' court. He was practicing sets from the setter, kageyama, and was being blocked by a very determined bokuto, and a very indifferent tsukishima. It was the last few minutes of practice and it was the last bit of the two on two match between them. 

"Kuroo-kun! Great spike!!!" Yelled a very excited voice from the sidelines. It was hinata, another one of kuroo's teammates. He was a very excitable person and was always yelling or shouting or something or other. 

Kuroo turned towards him and ficked him some finger guns, smirking. "You know it shoyou!" He turned around and got back in his spot, getting ready for kageyama to spike on his side. 

The rest of the practice match went pretty smoothly, with kuroo and kageyama winning with a score of 25-23. And with the end of the practice match, came the end of practice for today. Of course, the team was welcome to stay after team practice to practice individually. But kuroo was whipped. All he wanted to do today was go home, eat food, maybe play some games, and then go to sleep. 

It was on his way out when he was interrupted by another loud, excited voice. 

"Hey hey hey! Kuroo! Come block for me yeah?" Bokuto shouted just a little too loudly. 

"Sorry man. I got a packed schedule of sleeping to attend to. I'll see you later bro." Bokuto let out a loud gasp. 

"Kuroo! Going home and sleeping instead of practicing more??? Are you ok?? Are you sick!?" Bokuto's voice pitched up and down, his arms flailing around wildly.

"Nah I'm fine. I didn't sleep well last night. Last night the neighbors well…" Kuroo nodded quickly. "Let's just keep it at that" 

"Ahhhh allright! I'll see you later then bro!" Bokuto punched kuroo lightly on the shoulder before heading off to bother someone else. probably hinata, who was always ready for extra practice. 

And with that kuroo packed up his belongings, bundled up for the cold weather, and headed out. He only lived about a fifteen minutes walk away, so he always walked too and from the gym. It was a good way to get in that extra bit of exercise too, even though he supposed he didn't really need it.

Kuroo was exhausted. His stupid up stairs neighbor's kept him up all night with lots of...noises. all he wanted to do now was go home and sleep. 

Of course, life seemed to want to make kuroo as miserable as possible. 

His route home was put to an abrupt stop by a 'closed sidewalk' sign and kuroo swore under his breath. Not only was the fastest route home closed on the only day he wanted to go home early and sleep for a change, but it would probably be closed for god knows how long.

Kuro let out a short groan. 'Of course. Of course it's closed today' he thought to himself. He thought to himself for a moment before turning around and heading towards an alleyway he knew led home. It was dark and creepy, but it was the second fastest way back to his apartment building. 

When he reached the entrance to the alleyway, kuroo nearly regretted his decision. It was late in the evening, and the sun was nearly completely set. Kuroo could of sworn he heard something spooky coming from behind the dumpster 'ghosts, perhaps' he thought. 

He thought about turning around and finding another route, but his tiredness made his decision for him. He sighed as he started the treck through the alley. 

Kuroo walked as silently and as quickly as he could, wanting nothing more than to be at the other side. 

'Allright kuroo. There are no ghosts. there are no ghosts. There are no gho…' 

A loud 'bang' started kuroo nearly out of his pants, jumping up and out of the way instinctively. He looked around frantically, looking around for where the noise would of come from. 

A short turn to his left revealed...something? 

Kuroo almost didn't recognize what it was. It was...some kind of figure? He thought at first. It looked like a bloob. It took a moment before he realized that what he was looking at was a person. 

It was a young man, probably no other than himself. He had dyed hair that looked like it hadn't been dyed in years, only the tips were still a bright, saturated yellow. His clothes were tattered and ripped in multiple places, and he didn't have a jacket, just a long sleeve shirt and pants. He had nothing around him other than some old, moldy newspapers under him. He was caked in dirt and wasn't moving, and if kuroo hadn't seen him breathing, he might of thought he was dead.

His head was tilted and resting on the side of a large garbage bin, and his eyes were shut, his arm resting over his waist. His lower body was under some more newspapers, trying his best to keep warm despite not even having a shelter. 

Kuroo stared at him a moment longer, about the boy in front of him. How it easily could of been him just a few years ago, how he wouldn't be where he is today without bokuto, akaashi, and his other friends. He...felt something. Like the person in front of him needed something like he needed someone back then. 

His legs moved before his brain caught up, and suddenly he was in front of the smaller man. He kneeled down so he was on his level.

"Hey uh...are you...alive there?" Kuroo reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. He shook it gently, just enough to help wake him up. Nothing. 

Kuroo was seized by a sudden panic. What if there was something wrong with him and he needed to call an ambulance??? What if he was about to die and there was nothing he could do about it??? 

"Hey. Come on now. Wake up" kuroo shook a little bit faster this time. 

The man finally cracked open his eyes, and immediately panicked. He backed his body up into the corner of the wall and the dumpster. His eyes were wide and he desperately searched for a way out. 

"Woah woah! I'm not going to hurt you!" Kuroo backed away and rubbed the back of his neck. "I just...it looked like you could use some help there yah know?" 

The man looked kuroo up and down suspiciously. Kuroo could instantly tell this guy has already seen some shit in his life, shit he shouldn't of gone though. 

"You uh...look cold there. Do you not have a blanket or a jacket or something?" Kuroo asked carefully. 

The man shook his head and spoke softly. "Stolen." he said. 

"Ah i see. Is that what happened to the rest of your stuff?" Kuroo's head tilted slightly to the side. 

The small man nodded. 

"Shit...do you have anything at all then?" Kuroo's face showed more worry than necessary for a stranger, but kuroo couldn't help it. The sight in front of him was pitiful to say the least. 

The man shook his head. "Just...two dollars." 

Kuroo sucked in a breath. "Just...that's all you have?" 

The man faced away, facing towards the garage bin. His face was flushed from embarrassment. "Why did you come here, just to mock me?" He said, louder than before. 

Kuroos face was shocked. "No no of course not!" He shook his face frantically. "Listen i just…" he sighed. "It looks like you could use a break you know?" 

The man looked up at kuroo with a questioning expression on his face. "A...break? What do you mean?" The man's hesitation made his voice quieter again. 

"I mean like...just…stay here ok?" Kuroo backed up and turned to leave the alleyway. "Do you have, like, any allergies or something? What size do you wear?" 

The man's eyes widened in surprise. "What are you…?" 

"Just tell me ok?" Kuroo looked at the man with a smile. "And don't worry about it." 

"Well i-i...no allergies...but i can't eat onions they make me sick...and well uh…" the man scratched at the back of his head. "I wear a size small usually…" 

Kuroo showed the man a bright smile. "I'll be back ok just stay put. I'll be right back" he said before darting for the alley's exit. 

The man stayed put, eyes wide in surprise. He had never met someone willing to help the likes of him. He was a rat on the street, nothing to his name and he looked like a junkie with how bad he looked. 

He sighed, and waited for the stranger to return 

____________________________

Kuroo ran as fast as he could to the local supermarket, getting as much stuff as he could for the man by the dumpster. 

'Geez...this kid could really use a break' he thought as he placed a box of granola bars in his basket. 'He looked like he had been through hell and came back barely alive.'

Kuroo sighed for what seemed like the hundredth time today. He was still exhausted, but that didn't matter. Dumper man needed help, help that kuroo could give him. 

Kuroo had plenty of money saved up, and that meant he could splurge a little on the guy. 

After getting what he thought the man needed and checked out, kuroo stuffed the mid-sized bag he had bought with everything he had bought. It was rather large, but not so large that the guy would struggle carrying it. He was rather small, afterall. 

Kuroo walked quickly back to the spot, hoping that the stranger was still there. 

The man, to kuroo's surprise, was still there. He looked like he was asleep, his eyes closed. His sleeping form looked peaceful almost, if he weren't shivering from the cold. 

"Hey hey! Im back!" kuroo said loudly, and the man woke up quickly, peering up at kuroo. 

"I brought you some stuff!" Kuroo kneeled down and placed the backpack in front of the small form. 

The man looked at the bag and then back at kuroo. Kuroo sat down in front of him and unzipped the bag

"There's lots of good stuff in here! Let me show you!" Kuroo reached out and showed him a small-ish boxed item before handing it to him. "It's a tent! It's ment for a single person at most but i think it's better than nothing right? And its alot easier to carry around! I think it's made for solo campers to carry around so it's super light too!" Kuroo smiled brightly. "I can help you set it up if you want before i go home. I'm sure it'll help you get some better rest"

The man looked up at kuroo with wide eyes. "This is...for me? I can't take this...i haven't earned it" the man tried to give the tent back to kuroo. 

"No no no! Some people just need a break you know? You need it" kuroo pushed the tent back into the man's hand. 

The man looked away again. "Thank..thank you...you don't know…" 

"Ah ah there's more!" Kuroo pulled out a roll of some kind of fabric and a small pillow. "It's a sleeping bag and a travel pillow. It's not much, but light and small enough to carry around pretty easily. And it's gotta be more comfortable then sleeping on the ground for sure." 

The man looked even more hesitant. "This is way too much…" 

"It's fine it's fine! Here, there's more!" Kuroo reached deeper in the back and took out a rather thick jacket. "I noticed that you didn't have a jacket so i got you one! it's pretty warm so it should help you through the winter." Kuroo handed the stranger the jacket. 

The man looked like he was going to cry and was nearly completely speechless "thank you...thank you so much" 

"Hey hey it's not a problem! There's a few more things…" kuroo reached in the bag again, showing the man a simple t-shirt. "This otta fit yah. There's another shirt, and two pairs of pants, some socks and underwear too! though I'm not sure if they'll fit you correctly...sorry…" kuroo rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. 

"Its...I'll wear them...thank you…" the man was shaking slightly, and started to put the jacked he had just received on. To kuroos delight, the jacket fit perfectly and seemed to keep the stranger warm, because the majority of his 

"There's also deodorant, a toothbrush and toothpaste, bar soap, a small thing of laundry detergent, some tissues, hand sanitizer, lotion, some granola bars, and some chapstick too! I hope i got everything you needed…" kuroo trailed off before looking up at the man. He was nearly sobbing at this point, his face covered by his hands as he cried, tears falling to his lap and soaking into his pants. 

"Wha...are you ok!?" Kuroo said in a concerned voice. "I didn't say something wrong did i?" Kuroo hesitated, looking away briefly. He hadn't even considered if the man was comfortable with his presence or being gifted so many things at once. Normally, if kuroo saw a homeless person on the street, he would spot them a buck or two before going on his merry way. But this guy...this guy had nothing, not even a place to sleep or even cover his head, not a single thing to his name except a measly two dollars, witch wouldn't feed a man for very long, even if he survived off shitty gas station food for the next couple of days. 

"No no...im just…." the man sighed. "No ones ever been this nice to me…" the man sulked. "Not for a long time." 

Kuroos face fell. "Ah i...see….well…" 

Kuroo turned to the plastic bag to his left. "I've got a couple of things left if you don't mind." Kuroo put the plastic bag in front of them. "I got you something to eat too. Figured you could use a hot meal right now" kuroo opened the bag to reveal a box of fried chicken and one of those mini apple pies you can get at the local grocery store. "I didn't know what you liked, but i figured fried chicken and pie is a pretty safe bet. Almost everyone likes those right? There's stuff to eat it with in the boxes" Kuroo handed the boxes to the man gently, careful not to drop anything. "And the best part? They don't have any onions." Kuroo sickered. 

The stranger peered silently at the food. He hadn't had a proper meal in several weeks, ever since he found a twenty dollar bill on the ground and used it to buy a bowl of ramen at his favorite place. Half of the money was gone after the trip, but he deemed it worth it after he was done eating. 

This was too much kindness for a guy like him, he thought. 

"It's my favorite…" he muttered. 

"Hm? What's that?" Kuroo asked. 

"Apple pie...it's my favorite food." He answered, looking up at kuroo. "Thank you. I mean it." The man's stomach growled just smelling the delicious food. 

"I told you, it's really no problem. Here…" kuroo stood up. "Let me help you set up your tent, then you can eat in peace, eh?" Kuroo winked, showing his signature smirk in the process. 

"W-well i-i...I'd hate to bother you…" the man looked away again, avoiding eye contact with the stranger. 

"Nonsense! Come on" kuroo held out a hand. The man took it and kuroo helped him stand up. 

"But first.." the man hesitated. 'Ah…' He thought 'he wants something…' the man readied himself to run if the man wanted sex or anything of sort. It was the one of two things he would never resort to, no matter what, the other being ending another person's life. He would steal, threaten, and cheat to survive, but he would never, never sell his own body. 

"What's your name?" Kuroo asked. 

The man was shocked 

'He...wants to know my name?' He thought. 'Is that it?'

"It's kenma…" he responded quietly. 

Kuroo smiled. "Well kenma, the name's kuroo! let's get you set up shall we?" and with that, kuroo bent down and picked up the boxed tent, ripping the packaging apart. 

_____________________________

Kuroo and kenma spent the next thirty minutes getting the tent set up and the sleeping bag rolled out. It took a while because the cold winter wind kept blowing the tiny tent away. 

Eventually, after the tent corners were covered with several large objects that were heavy enough to keep the damn thing down, the tent was set up and everything was ready. 

Kenma sat inside the tent with the flap open. It really was a small tent, just big enough for a grown adult to lay in, but it was enough for him and what little belongings he had (even after what kuroo brought him, it still wasn't a lot) 

"Thank you kuroo...i really appreciate everything you've done for me. It means so much." kenma said, holding the food kuroo gave him in his hands. He was starving, and we was a little too excited to eating in a tiny space that wasn't filthy or covered in bugs and trash. 

"Hey. It's Alright. Just don't sell anything i gave you for drugs or something and I'll consider it paid back." Kuroo smirked. His face then turned suddenly to one of realization. 

"Gah i almost forgot!" He reached to his back pocket and brought out three pieces of...paper?" 

"They're coupons." Kuroo explained. "Here's a ticket for a shower down at the truck stop. It's not the most ideal, but i guess a shower is a shower right? it expires tomorrow at six, so be sure to use it by then." Kuroo handed kenma the first piece of paper. 

"This is a laundry pass. It includes a load a week for the next two months." Kuroo handed the small card to kenma. 

"And this…" kuroo handed the last card to kenma. "Is a twenty dollar McDonalds gift card. So you...you know...can have something to eat for the next few days at least." Kuroo rubbed the back of his neck. Kenma picked up on it, and figured it was probably a nervous tick that kuroo did when he unsure of something.

Kenma looked in his hands at the cards. He couldn't hold his emotions back anymore, and started to cry again "This...is way too much…" he managed to say in between tears. "There's no way i can pay you back for all of this…" 

A firm hand suddenly sat on his shoulder, and kenma flinched at the unexpected touch. He looked up and met kuroos gaze. 

"You don't need to repay me, ok? We all need some help in our lives from time to time." 

Kenma Couldn't stop crying regardless. He wordlessly reached into his back pocket and took out the two wrinkled dollar bills. He reached his hand out to give them to kuroo. "Please...take this. It's all i have but i have to…" 

"Keep it." kuroo interrupted. "You need it. Please." Kuroo stepped back. 

"Are you sure?" Kenma asked sheepishly. 

"Super sure!" Kuroo smiled and gave him the most enthusiastic thumbs up he could muster while Kenma put the money back in his pocket. Kuroo then realized why he went down this alley in the first place, to get home and sleep. He held back a yawn before picking up his bag. 

"Well uh...it's about time i get home. I've got practice in the morning." That seemed to pique kenma's interest. 

"Practice?" His head tilted to the side. Kuroo found it almost adorable.

Wait. Kuroo did not find this random person cute. 

"Uh well...yeah. i mean. I play volleyball. Practice starts kinda early." 

"Volleyball? I...used to play back in highschool" 

Kuroo's eyes went wide. "Really!? What position!? 

"I was a setter…" kenma said calmly. Kenma could tell that volleyball was kuroo's favorite thing just by the look in his eyes. They seemed brighter and wider than before, younger almost. It was something that only happened when a person was talking about something they truly loved. 

"Wow, really!!!" Kuroo said with obvious excitement in voice. Kenma nodded. 

"What a small world!" Kuroo rested his hands on his hips in a very relaxed fashion. 

"Mm...yeah it is…" 

Kuroo chuckled a little before speaking again. "Well...it's getting late. I shouldn't bother you anymore."

Kenma pouted. He, surprisingly, didn't want kuroo to leave. He hadn't had an actual conversation with another person in what seemed like forever. Most people didn't even spare him a passing glance. 

"Thank you again. For everything." Kenma bowed politely. "This will help me out so much. I owe you." 

Kuroo smirked a little. "Owe me huh?" He chuckled. "Just promise me one day that you'll return the favor to someone else ok? Pay it forward and all that." 

"I promise." Kenma stood up straight. "Have a good night kuroo-san" 

Kuroo laughed lightly. "Just call me kuroo, ok? I'll see you around."

Kuroo waved as he turned around and headed home. 

______________________________

By the time kuroo got home, he was pretty much sleep walking. He could barely keep his eyes open as he dragged himself to his bedroom, not even bothering to take his shoes off before plopping down in his bed. 

His mind Immediately drifted to kenma. He didn't think about anything in particular, other than the situation he had found himself in. It was an odd one, he thought. Finding a man probably no older than twenty something and giving him things he didn't even ask for. Maybe kuroo should of minded his own business. 

But he then thought of the small, soft smile on kenma's face when kuroo had given him some basic stuff and talked with him about volleyball. It was a simple gesture for some, but maybe to kenma it meant something more, a small bit of hope that things would get better, he thought. 

To have so little, and then have that small bit taken away, it could end a person. He knew it all too well how much that kind of situation sucks. Too well indeed. 

Of course, his mind didn't wonder for very long, his tired mind didn't let him. 

He cleared his mind, using what little energy he had left to take his shoes off and snuggle under the covers. 

As soon as his head hit the pillow, his mind drifted off, and he was asleep within seconds. 

_______________________________


	2. Just a little chunk of hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenma finds a small bit of hope in simple actions. 
> 
> Aka
> 
> A day in the life of kenma.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey yall! Two updates in two days!!!!
> 
> Im very excited for what i havs planned for this fic:) 
> 
> Please enjoy!

**Kenma POV**

Kenma was reeling after his encounter with the tall, handsome man named Kuroo Tetsurou. He sat in his tent on his new sleeping bag, feeling dirty while laying on the cleen bedding. He was still covered in muck from his attempt to sleep in the corner by the trash can, which barely worked mind you. 

He was too hungry to think any more. He quickly used the hand sanitizer and a tissue to clean his hands the best he could before digging into the fried chicken kuroo had given him. It was still pretty hot, thank god, and kenma found it surprisingly tasty, even though it was probably just cheap supermarket chicken. It was nice and juicy, and it was perfect for warming kenma right up.

He nearly sobbed as he ate. It was so  _ good dammit _ . He savored it the best he could, knowing it could be his last filling meal for a long, long time. 

Of course, he had that giftcard. But McDonald's wasn't filling. He could eat every day for the next twenty days or so if he ordered something off the dollar menu, which wasn't much, but it was much, much better than starving. 

He might be able to trade the gift card for cash, but ultimately decided against it. Kuroo had put his trust in him, despite not knowing him, and he felt like doing that would break that trust.

He sighed as he finished his meal, licking his lips to keep the taste in his mouth as long as possible. 

He then opened up the small apple pie and unwrapped the fork he found in the chicken box. He ate it slowly, trying again to savor it as well. 

It was only a small pie, only a few inches across, but kemna might as well of been eating the most delicious thing on earth. 

It reminded him vaguely of home, when his mother loved him and made him pie after he aced a test or won a volleyball match. His face fell, thinking about it. 

'It's their fault that you're in this mess in the first place. Stop thinking about them. They don't care about you' 

The pie was gone quickly, and kenma pouted slightly at the empty box. 

For the first time in weeks, kenma actually felt  _ full _ after he ate. It was satisfying. 

Kenma put the trash in the corner of the tent to be thrown away later. He was too tired to leave the tent to throw it away now. 

Kenma sighed in relief as he laid down on his new bedroll and rested his head on the tiny travel pillow. It was so much more comfortable than anything he's slept on for at least the past year. Even when he had something to sleep in (usually a cardboard box covered in an old tarp he had luckily found in the trash one day) he never had anything to sleep on other than a thin fleece blanket he got at the shelter the one time he went there. 

It was amazing, he thought, how much kuroo had done for him without even knowing. He could live for several weeks off what he had given him. 

It's ironic, he thought. 

The few days after he had been mugged were the worst in kenmas life. 

He had nothing, absolutely nothing but a couple of bucks a man had given him and a half eaten taco he found in the trash. 

It was then that kenma went back to an old and dangerous thought process. He thought of ending his life, about finding something sharp, slashing his arms, and letting himself bleed out in some alleyway. No one cared about him, he didn't even talk to others on the street, though he suppose he probably should have. 

Kenma had been homeless for about two years now, and still didn't know anyone. his social anxiety kept him away from most people and places with too many people. He had no support system, no job, and no money. It would wrecked havoc on anyone's mind.

Kenma was exhausted at this point. Even talking to someone for such a short amount of time had drained so much out of him. 

He closed his eyes and quickly fell asleep. 

______________________________

Kenma woke up early the next morning with a new vigor. He had a plan for today, an actual plan. Not just "survive today" but a real, though admittedly short, list of specific things to do that he could actually accomplish. 

First, he wanted to cash in that shower ticket. He hadn't had a shower in what felt like weeks, and it probably had been that long. He felt filthy, like he had rolled around in the mud and then in the garbage. He could brush his teeth and put on new clothes in the process. Just the thought of being thoroughly clean made him overjoyed. 

Then, he wanted to go to mcdonalds and get himself something to eat. He needed something to help him get through the day. 

Afterwards, he thought he might buy an apple or a banana or something with the remaining money he had on him. He needed to eat something healthy occasionally, or else his body wouldn't be able to keep up. 

Finally, he would come back to his tent and sleep in a warm sleeping bag for the first time in what felt like forever. 

He thought about adding 'look for a job' to his list, but he knew that he wouldn't have any energy to do that after today was over. And he knew it was pointless. He could never hold down a job for more than a week, a week and a half in one case. It was something, but it was never enough to help him really get off his feet. 

He got up and started packing his belongings. He didn't want to lose anything, he had just gotten so much after all. 

The only thing he left behind was the tent and the sleeping bag inside of it. It had taken so long to set up that kemna didn't want to take it down. Of course, he didn't want to lose that either, so he hid it behind a few loose crates before heading off. 

_______________________________

Kenma headed towards the truck stop quickly, backpack fitted snugly on his shoulders, trying to avoid the looks he was getting from passersby. It was about a forty five minute walk away, towards a more "spacious" part of town. It wasn't the best place to be, but it was the closest gas station that had pay-to-use showers. 

He walked in and towards the person behind the counter. She seemed surprised at kemnas appearance, her eyes wide and seeming staring directly into kenma's soul. He knew he looked bad, but he probably looked even worse to someone who isn't used to being so dirty all the time. 

"H...hello…" kenma said nervously, fidgeting with his fingers. 

"Hello! How can i help you today?" Said the cashier with a polite smile plastered to her face. It was the typical 'customer service' smile. Kenma could tell it was fake. 

"I-I'm uh...here for a shower." Kenma said quietly. He hated how she looked at him, like he wasn't even human. 

"Ah, i see! The showers are down the hall. Put your ticket in the slot of an empty shower and the door will open. Make sure to lock it behind you. The shower turns off after ten minutes of continued use, and stays off for ten minutes after, so don't take too long or your water will be shut off." The woman pointed towards a hallway that led to the back. 

"Thank you" kenma bowed politely before scurrying off. 

He reached the shower room quickly, putting his ticket in the ticket slot. He heard the door unlock before heading in. He remembered to lock the door behind him, just like the lady had said. 

There was a small space in front of the shower where he could put his belongings and change his clothes. He put his bag on the bench before reaching inside it, bringing out a grey shirt, a pair of jeans, some socks, and a new pair of underwear. It was then that he realized that he didn't have a towel. He dug around in his bag, searching for something he could use to dry himself off with before finding a new hand towel at the bottom that kuroo must of forgotten to tell him about. He also found a small sewing kit, one of those small emergency sewing kits. He was grateful he had learned how to sew when he was young, he could use it to fix his shirt and get a few more wears out of it. 

He reached back into his bag and got out the bar of soap. It was in a small, resealable package so kenma could use it more then once.

He quickly stripped of his old, dirty clothes and stepped into the shower. He turned on the water and stood under the spray for a minute before he started to wash off the caked on muck that covered his entire body. 

He scrubbed himself clean, and he thought he could never feel something so good in his entire life. He had been so  _ itchy  _ these past couple of days that it irritated him to no end. 

He rubbed some soap into his hands before working it into his hair. It was difficult because it was just so dirty. He thought that it might be greasy enough to easily be set on fire. 

His hair turned from a muddy brown to a dark black, his natural hair color. He sighed with relief as he massaged his scalp. Muddy water trailed down his back and into the drain. He took the soap and gingerly washed his face and behind his neck. 

He started to get worried about his time running out, so he quickly rinsed himself off before turning off the water and stepping out. 

He patted himself dry with the rag before putting his new clothes on. He felt like he could take over the world with the new found confidence he found. 

Kenma quickly packed up his stuff and headed towards the bathroom. He walked up to the sink before reaching before reaching for his toothbrush and scrubbing off a week's worth of plaque. He felt even more refreshed, and he didn't gag anymore when he got a whiff of his own breath. He then took out his deodorant and used it quickly. He didn't want to stay here too long, otherwise someone might come in and stare at him. 

He took one last look at himself and thought, for a brief second, that he might, just  _ might _ look a little bit decent. 

But the thought passed quickly, and he was back to his regular self-hatred. 

Kenma then turned around and headed for the second stop on his list. 

______________________________

The McDonald's was a bit too crowded for kenma's taste. He felt almost suffocated by how many people there were. 

He thought about turning around and going back to his tent. He had already had a very filling meal just the night before, he could probably wait until tonight or even tomorrow to eat again. 

But kenma's stomach had other ideas. After having so much to eat, it wanted more. at least, that's what kenma thought. 

He took a few deep breaths to calm his nerves and walked in. He kept his head down and walked as quietly as he could. He tried to avoid eye contact with as many people as possible. 

He sondered up to the counter and waited patiently in the short line in front of him. When he got to the counter he kept his head down.

Everything was too loud too suddenly. His breathing had picked up and he felt dizzy. 

"Hello and welcome! What can i get for you?" The woman behind the counter said in a much too cheery voice. 

"I…." kenma managed to get out. He looked around frantically, his mind trying to find a way out. The cashier tilted her head to the side. "Sir are...you Alright?" 

"Fine." Kenma said. He just wanted to leave as soon as possible. He wanted to get his food and go. He took a couple more deep breaths before speaking. 

"Just a cheeseburger please." He said quickly before the lady could say anything else. 

"A cheeseburger...anything else?" She said as she tapped away at the cash register." 

"That's it." he replied. 

"Allright! that'll be $1.08 please." 

Kenma reached into his back pocket and handed her the gift card. She swiped it before handing it back to him. 

Kenma stood off to the side and waited for his food. He tapped his fingers on his leg, not having much else to do. It felt like forever before the lady called out his number. He took the bag on the counter, not bothering to check to make sure it was correct or even his, and darted out of the place as fast as he could. 

_______________________________

Kenma walked quickly down the sidewalk, towards the supermarket. He was thinking about skipping out on buying something healthy all together, but then decided against it. He needed to eat something at least someone good for him. 

He walked into the small grocery store swiftly. He managed to reach the fruit aisle before accidentally meeting someone's eyes. He panicked briefly before he reminded himself that normal people don't freak out after looking at someone. 

He quickly grabbed a banana and an apple before heading to the checkout. He paid for his items and left as quickly as he arrived. 

_______________________________

Kenma decided to wait until he got back to his new 'home' before eating the fruit he just purchased. The walk was long and cold, but he managed to stay out of the way of every person he encountered. 

After reaching the entry in the alleyway, he nearly ran to his tent. He moved the crates in the front out of the way, and, to his delight, everything was exactly where he left it. 

He unzipped the front and slinked inside before zipping it back up. He sat down on the sleeping bag before digging into his food. The cheeseburger tasted delicious compared to a cold, half eaten taco or an old, sorta moldy slice of pizza. 

But it didn't last long. The cheese burger was small and unsatisfying. Luckily, he had some fruit to fill him up. 

He ate the apple and banana quickly before putting all the trash in one bag and throwing it in the dumpster right beside him. He quickly returned to his tent and wigged himself into his sleeping bag. It was super comfortable to him, and he was quickly dozing off with his head on the small pillow. It was only probably three or four in the afternoon, but his body allready wanted to rest.

Today had been exhausting to say the least. Even though he hadn't done much, his anxiety had made the day tiring to say the least. But kenma still felt oddly accomplished. Maybe tomorrow he would look for a job. Maybe something under the table at the pier. Now that he looked and smelled at least decent he might actually be able to do it. 

He thought to himself for a moment before deciding that it was something future kenma could choose to do or not. 

Soon, kenma was too tired to think, and soon he was fast asleep. 

____________________________

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo! 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed a small but of build up:) this chapter is a little bit shorter then the previous one i hope y'all dont mind^^, 
> 
> Like always, comments and criticism is welcome!!!
> 
> Thank you!!!


	3. Small connections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, its the smallest connections that are the most important.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo! Heres chapter 3! I promise there will be more angst and fluff soon!!! Im really trying to slow things down and focus some on storybuilding and some background relationships so please bear with me!! 
> 
> Anywho, please enjoy!

**Kuroo POV**

The next day, kuroo couldn't get his mind off dumpster boy. ' _ Kenma'  _ he reminded himself. He felt kinda bad for referring to him as 'dumpster boy' but the name stuck without kuroo meaning for it to. 

He thought about how he was doing. Was he doing better? Did he get something to eat today? 

"Oi! Watch out!" Kuroo snapped out of his thoughts just to get whacked in the face with a volleyball. It was going so fast that it sent him flying and knocked him on his ass pretty hard. He heard some of his teammate's gasp as they rushed towards his side. 

"Dude! Are you ok!?" Asked bokuto. He had a worried expression on his face "I'm so sorry man! I thought you had that!" 

Kuroo's hand flew to cover his eyes, trying desperately to regain his composure. His face was slightly red in embarrassment. "Yeah yeah I'm fine" 

"Kuroo! You have to pay attention in the middle of a play!" His coach shouted next to him. 

"Sorry sorry!" Kuroo wobbly got to his feet. He had a headache but luckily didn't have any signs of a concussion.

"Honestly! You're usually so on top of things! What on earth could have you so distracted?" Coach shook his head.

Kuroo quickly turned beat red. "W-well um...no reason in particular…." his voice trailed off. 

A loud gasp came from his right. "It couldn't be!" Bokuto flailed his arms around wildly before pointing at kuroo. "You  _ met  _ someone didn't you!!" 

"N-no! It's not like that!" 

"HA! So you did!! Who is it? Is it someone we know!?" Bokuto wrapped an arm around kuroo's shoulder. 

"Enough bokuto" coach scolded. "Practice isn't the time for such….conversations. kuroo. Please sit on the bench until you can get your thoughts back together. Daichi will take your place." 

Kuroo was hesitant but decided that arguing wasn't going to get him anywhere. So he nodded and headed towards the bench. 

_____________________________

Kuroo's walk home was slower than normal. He couldn't stop thinking about kenma and well being. He was worried about whether he had eaten or not, or if he had gotten that shower or if maybe he had forgotten that it expired tonight. 

It was a bit ridiculous, worrying so much about someone he met just the night before. He didn't know why he cared so much, he really didn't. 

But he knew that there was only one way to quell his worries, and that was to check up on the smaller man. 

So that's how kuroo found himself in the local supermarket, buying some to-go potato soup in a plastic bowl along with another mini apple pie. They were only a dollar so why not? He also picked up a reusable water bottle, a good one with a hook that could be latched easily to a bag, and a book. It wasn't anything too much, just some generic fantasy/romance since he wasn't sure what kind of books kenma liked to read, or even if he liked to read at all. Surely, he thought, without anything to do kenma might be bored out of his mind. Even if he wasn't, it was good to have something to do in your free time. 

He spent a short time wondering around, trying to see if they had anything else a homeless person might want to have. He ended up also grabbing a small notebook and pen (it was good to have something to write on) a hairbrush (he remembered kenma having rather long hair) and a small battery powered flashlight (in case he needed to do something in the dark, of course) 

Kuroo headed towards the cash registers, grabbing some batteries in the process. He checked out quickly, and headed towards the alley. 

_______________________________

It only took five minutes to reach his destination, but by the time he got there he was already regretting it. 

'Seriously...i might be overstepping my bounds here...he might not even want to see me…' kuroo thought. He hoped that his peace offering of soup and apple pie was enough to quell any annoyance that kenma might feel. 

He stepped into the alleyway nervously, hoping that dumpster boy was still there. 

'Seriously...I've  _ got  _ to stop calling him that. Even to myself…'

To kuroo's delight, the bright white and blue tent was still there. The door was zipped up, so maybe kenma was inside. 

He walked up quietly. He didn't want to possibly wake kenma with him not knowing it was him. 

"Kenma?" Kuroo said softly. "Kenma are you there? It's uh...its kuroo. From yesterday?" 

He heard some shuffling. Someone was definitely in there. The shuffling got louder and kuroo heard a 'zip' before a small bit of the flap opened. Kuroo could see one of kenma's eyes peering at him. 

"Kuroo?" The voice had a questioning tone to it. He caught kuroo's gaze and his eyes widened. He unzipped the rest of the tent flap and got out, eventually standing up with a small bit of effort. 

The first thing that kuroo noticed was that kenma was much cleaner than the day before. His skin was clean and glowy, and he realized that kenma's natural hair was, in fact, black and not brown like he had thought. His blonde tips were much brighter than before, and looked much better overall. 

The  _ next _ thing kuroo noticed was how  _ adorable _ the man in front of him was. 

He had soft features, with catlike eyes and a slouched, introverted posture. He also noticed how small he was, and thought for a moment that he would fit perfectly in his arms. 

Kenma put his hands polighy behind his back. Kuroo noticed that he tried to avoid eye contact. "H-how can i help?" 

Kuroo's heart nearly exploded. He was just so  _ cute  _ and he couldn't  _ function dammit _ . 

It took a few more seconds for him to realize that he'd been staring and was probably creeping kenma out or at least making him a little uncomfortable. 

"H-hey! Sorry just...wanted to check up on you and make sure you had something to eat and all!" Kuroo scratched the back of his neck nervously. 'You need to get a grip. He doesn't want to be flirted with. You didn't even ask if he wanted you to be here at all. Calm down dumbass.' He thought. 

"O-oh...i…im doing better. I went and used the shower ticket you gave me." kenma shook his head slightly. Kuroo found it lightly odd, but it slipped his mind quickly."I used the gift card you gave me too, so I've eaten today. Thank you again by the way…" kenma rubbed his arm up and down. 

Kuroo frowned, his tone worried. "it's no problem...but is that all you had to eat today?" Kenma looked up at him and he nodded his head. He looked...embarrassed? 

"Well...here…" kuroo handed kenma the plastic grocery bag. "There's some odds and ends i forgot to get yesterday that you might need...i also got you something to eat. I didnt know what else you liked besides apple pie so i goy you another one and some potato soup. I hope thats Allright!" Kuroo realized in hindsight that he probably sounded way too enthusiastic. 

"O-oh...th...thank you…" kenma stuttered out, grabbing the bag a little too tightly. A small tinge of red flushed his cheeks. He turned his gaze and seemed to be staring at something in the background "It means alot...what you did for me yesterday...really…" the tips of kenma's ears turned pink. 

"Hey hey! No need to thank me for that again." Kuroo gestered a bit too wildly with his hands while he spoke. 

The conversation flowed between them smoothly. They ended up sitting on the sleeping bag in kenmas tent while kenma ate feverishly at his food. It was the first time in almost two years he had this many filling meals in a row. He spent the whole day surprisingly not hungry, and it made kenma almost nostalgic. 

They talked about lots of things. about kenma's life on the streets and what he did that day and what kind of people he saw, about todays weather and the light rain that was supposed to happen that night, about kuroo's best friend in the world bokuto. But they mostly talked about volleyball and how much kuroo liked it. He was even the vice captain of the 'SFVA albatrosses', witch was a pro league here in the city. It was pro enough that kuroo could do it as his only job, and Kenma would be lying if he said he wasn't at least a little bit jealous. 

Their conversation lasted a couple of hours, even though it felt like only a few minutes to the two of them. Kenma had long since eaten everything kuroo had given him. The trash was placed off to his right, not wanting to pause their talking to throw it away. 

"And then...akaashi walks in and sees the oven top completely beyond repair and he's  _ super  _ pissed. He starts getting onto bokuto even though it was technically my fault…" 

Kenma let out a short chuckle that kuroo considered the cutest laugh he's ever heard, even though it wasn't really a laugh to begin with. 

"That's quite a story….but uh...who's akaashi?" Kuroo's eyes widened slightly before remembering that he had never mentioned akaashi before. 

"Ah well...he's bokuto's b-boyfriend" kuroo said nervously, scratching absentmindedly at his chin. He had no clue how kenma would react, and it made him a little scared about his own sexuality. 

To kuroo's surprise, kenma just nodded in understanding "Makes sense…" he trailed off some. "I sorta figured from what you've told me that they might be more than friends." 

"So you don't uh...have a problem with it?" Kuroo asked. 

Kenma shook his friends "Ah...no….it would be a bit hypocritical. Me being gay and all" Kenma shut his mouth quickly, covering it with his hand. He hadn't meant to be so open about it. After what happened in high school, he was hesitant to tell anyone, especially a random person he had just met the day before. 

But kuroo just smiled and continued on. "Well we're all some kind of queer on the team, well most of us that is. Let's see…" kuroo leaned back and started thinking. "bokuto is pan, daichi is gay, oikawa is bisexual, im pretty sure aone is aro ace...and so on. I think the only straight one is our coach." kuroo laughed. "Even I'm bisexual" 

Kuroo gave kenma a soft smile that said, to kenma, "I accept you and it's ok to talk to me about it" 

"O-oh...i...yeah…" kenma sputtered out. He was embarrassed that he had talked about it in the first place. 

It was then that kuroo looked at his watch and swore. 

"Sorry sorry...i promised bokuto i was meeting him for dinner like...fifteen minutes ago. I have to go sorry!" Kuroo stood up quickly and gathered his stuff. Kenma was flustered that kuroo was leaving so early. It was the first time in a long time that he had talked to someone that long. And, despite his usual anxiety, he didn't want him to leave. 

Kenma pouted slightly. "Oh...ok" 

"Hey I'll be back tomorrow ok! It was uh...good talking to you! I'll see you later!" Kuroo rubbed the back of his head before rushing out of the alleyway quickly. 

______________________________

Kuroo reached the restaurant quickly. Saturday night was reserved for bokuto and kuroo's weekly 'bro date' where kuroo and bokuto got together and did all sorts of things. Sometimes it was urban exploration, or maybe they would just go walking around and getting into all sorts of shenanigans, but it was more often than not just a simple dinner where they could actually talk about things that happened out of practice. 

Even though bokuto and kuroo saw each other almost every day, it was nearly impossible to talk at practice about things that weren't volleyball related. That was because coach wanted them completely focused on the sport during that time. It made sense, but it was also tiring. 

The night went by quickly. Bokuto didn't mind that kruoo was late (it had happened before afterall) and they talked for a couple of minutes about trivial things. Eventually the conversation turned to why kuroo was late. 

"So what was your reason this time huh?" Bokuto cocked his eyebrows. "You're almost never late without a good reason!" Bokuto's voice was loud as per usual. 

"Ah well...i kinda lost track of time is all." Kuroos face was kinda flushed. It was a kinda half truth. 

"Lost track of time doing what huh?" bokuto said suspiciously. 

"I was uh...talking to a friend." Another sorta half truth. 

Bokuto's eyes widened and he nearly slammed his hands on the table in excitement "Ooo!? Was it the person who had you so distracted today?! I bet it is! Who is it!? Is it someone i know!? Is it a guy or a girl!? Are they cute!? You gotta tell me!!" Bokuto's arms flailed around as he got himself more and more worked up. 

"Woah woah!" Kuroo put a hand up in protest. "Just calm down and I'll tell you!" 

Bokuto pouted a bit but sat down and stayed mostly quiet, even though kuroo could tell he was still antsy. 

"Listen...It's not what you think…" kuroo rubbed the back of his neck. "I met someone…" 

"HAH!" bokuto pointed a finger at him accusingly. "So you DID meet someone!" 

Kuroo sighed. "Bokuto please...it's not like that!" Kuroo was only a little bit annoyed. He was used to bokuto's antics and energy level at this point. 

"Ok ok." Bokuto sulked. "Continue"

"Well uh…" kuroo cleared his throat. "I only met him last night...his name is kenma. he was leaning up against a dumpster trying to get warm with a couple of newspapers and trying to sleep. I checked to see if he was alive and found out he was homeless and all of his stuff had been stolen a few days before. He didn't even have a jacket and he was covered head to toe in grime…" kuroo shook his head after remembering seeing another human being in such a state. "I got him stuff to get off his feet again and i checked on him again a few hours ago. I needed to know he was ok yah know? Anywho we got to talking and one thing led to another and i had lost track of time." Kuroo shoved some food into his mouth. 

"Hmmmm" bokuto hummed. He was way too quiet. "I see…" bokuto looked away in thought for a moment. 

"He was in pretty bad shape when i found him...i really do hope he's doing alright. I plan on getting something for hin to eat again tomorrow. He seems really nice…" kuroo trailed off. 

"Hmmmmmmm" bokuto hummed louder this time "from the way you've been talking i might believe you have a  _ crush  _ on him!" Kuroo nearly spit out his food. 

"W... _ what!? _ " He sputtered. "I haven't even known him for two whole days! I do  _ not  _ have a crush on him!" 

Bokuto laughed. "Hahhaha! You so totally do!" 

And so the rest of evening went by smoothly, besides bokuto occasionally interrupting to talk about kuroos 'not crush'

It was at the end of the evening that was the most shocking. 

"S-so…" bokuto said suddenly after shovelling a spoonful of chocolate cake into his mouth. "I need to talk to you about something important…" 

"Yeah? What is it?" Kuroo was on alert. Bokuto was never serious like this, so it must be important. 

"Im uh...thinking of proposing to akaashi?" Bokuto said nervously. Kuroo nearly shot out of his seat. 

"Really that's great!!" Kuroo shouted. 

"You think so?" Bokuto looked up to reach kuroo's gaze. 

"Yeah! Of course! You guys deserve to be happy together!" Kuroo was smiling like crazy, unsure of what else to say or do. 

"Yeah well…" bokuto deflated. "I don't know what to do is all…proposal's are supposed to be perfect and akaashi deserves the best….i just don't know how to go about it is all. And maybe akaashi wants to wait a few more years. We're both kinda young still" 

Kuroo could tell how uneasy about it bokuto was just by his tone. It was true, both bokuto and akaashi were kinda young. Bokuto was kuroo's age at having just turned twenty one, and akaashi was younger by just a year at twenty. 

"Maybe you should talk to akaashi about it first?" Kuroo crossed his arms. "See what he thinks of the idea. You've been together for almost five years. He's probably not completely turned off by the idea." 

"I should, shouldn't i?" Bokuto smiled brightly. "Thanks kuroo...you're the best bro" 

"Anytime man"

_______________________________

After dinner was over kuroo quickly headed back to his apartment. It had been a long day and it was pretty late. Luckily he could sleep in the next day, there was no practice on sundays. 

On his way back, kuroo thought about kenma again. He had to admit the other man was kinda attractive. He was kind too, at least from what kuroo gathered from their short time together. He also found out that he was gay and single during their talk. Kuroo took it as a win in his book. 

'Wait' he thought frantically. 'I do  _ not  _ have a crush on kenma. I just met him. It's perfectly normal to think that he's attractive and has lips perfect for kissed and that he wanted nothing more then to pepper small kissed up his neck and make him feel  _ good _ …"'

Shit. Kuroo most definitely, absolutely, had a crush. 

_______________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo!
> 
> Tysm for reading! It really means alot to me! 
> 
> Feel free to comment! Criticism is very much welcome and helps me improve! Tell me what parts you like and what parts you dont! Im really trying with the characterization so please tell me how im doing! 
> 
> Thank you!


	4. Spoon theory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some people don't understand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo!
> 
> This chpater is named after 'spoon theory', a concept explaining limited energy in people who have certain mental and physical conditions. (Including deporession) its pretty interesting so i recomend some research about it:) 
> 
> Anywho i hope you enjoy this chapter! 
> 
> Ty!

**Kenma pov**

The next day was not a good day for kenma. 

He woke up feeling awful. Not like he was sick, but like his body weighed too much and he couldn't possibly get up. He felt overwhelmingly sad and hopeless and there was nothing he could do to pick himself up. He wanted to get up, he really did, but his mind wouldn't let him. 

Kenma didn't know what it was, just that this overwhelming feeling of sadness that happened sometimes, up to three or four times a week. During one of these off days, he couldn't really do much of anything. Getting up to do basic things like using the bathroom and drinking water was too much sometimes. It was one of the reasons that kenma had such a hard time getting and keeping a job. How was he supposed to work when some days he was completely worthless like this? 

Kenma gave into his thoughts and started to cry. Crying seemed to be taking up a lot of his time lately. 

'You're useless, you have no friends and no hope of getting out of this situation….you're a worthless piece of shit fag like your dad said you where...you'll never amount to anything...you should do society a favor and end it…'

Kenma didn't know why he thought like that, and after a while of the same thought process, he believed it to be true. 

There was no hope for him. No one cared about him and no one ever would. 

He interrupted his own thoughts. 

'Kuroo….'

He hadn't known kuroo for very long, just a little over two days. But he had said he would be back tonight. If he killed himself now then all of kuroo's money would of been wasted and then he would also find him dead. What kind of person would that make kenma?

So he decided against it. He had to keep living, at least until kuroo moved on and forgot about him. It was the least he could do. 

_______________________________

Kenma eventually found the motivation to get up. He had something to do after all. 

With kuroo's help, kenma had managed to get a small push up. But there was still a very pressing issue. 

Kenma needed money. 

Money was everything. He needed to eat, to drink, to sleep. He needed money if he wanted to keep living, which wasn't even entirely true in of itself. 

So kenma took a piece of cardboard he found in the trash and the pen kuroo had given him as well as the soup bowl from last night's meal and made a small begging set up. He wrote that he needed help on the cardboard and he cleaned out the bowl with a tissue so people could put money in it. 

Kenma  _ hated _ begging. It was on the bottom of his list of things to do. But it was the most efficient thing he could think of that didn't include anything illegal. He had pickpocketed before but that always came with its own set of risks. The first time he had been arrested for it he swore he would never do it again. Luckily the man he stolen from didn't press any charges and he was free to go after a couple of days. 

So kenma sat in front of the alleyway, hoping the sign could speak for him. He wasn't really in the mood to talk to anyone. Well...maybe if kuroo came by he might talk. 

As kenma sat patiently, he thought kuroo. Kuroo had, quite literally, saved his life. He saved him from the darkest point of his life, and because of that kenma was grateful. 

But then kenma got to thinking of kuroo as a person rather than just someone who had helped him. 

Kuroo was surprisingly kind. Kenma wouldn't of thought that just by looks alone. Kuroo was a...sharp looking person. Handsome to say the least. Kenma couldn't deny that he was attractive. 

But kenma had other things to think about besides that. He needed money to survive. 

He sat outside for several hours, his new jacket hunched over his shoulders and wrapped around his snuggly. It was cold today, and it was about to get colder. He knew he should get a blanket to warm himself during the coldest nights that were coming up. He had barely survived the last two winters and didn't want to take any risks this time around. 

About an hour and a half passed when kenma decided to pack up and head back to his tent. Kuroo would probably be here any minute and he didn't want him to see him in such a state. He counted up the money some kind souls had given him. It wasn't much, just a little over seven dollars, but it was enough to buy a cheap fleece blanket like he had before. He might even get something nicer if they had something. 

He was about to stand up to leave when…

"Hey! Street rat!" Kenma looked up to see four teenager's in front of him. They were dressed like wannabe punks, like they were trying too hard. "What do you think you're doing huh?" Said the one in the front. He was very obviously the 'leader' of the little group. 

"Just...going back…" 

"Going back home huh? You think you can fool us!?" The guys face turned red. 

"I-i think you're mistaken…" 

"Are you saying I'm an idiot!? I know you people do! You take from people who've earned it and then go back to your house or apartment or whatever! I bet you haven't worked a day in your life have you! You rat!" The guy spit towards kenma, barely missing. 

Kenma didn't know what to do. He'd been heckled before but it was usually a quick shove to the ground or a snide remark. He'd never been straight up yelled at before like this, and kenma was at a loss. 

"Nothing to say huh!? You think you can get away with this!?" Another guy shouted. Kenma didn't even have time to react as he was swiftly kicked to the ground. A sharp pain shot up his side. He suddenly felt very, very nauseous and dizzy. He couldn't even move to get up.

Another sharp pain, this time in his hand. One of the guys was standing on his right hand. It hurt too much, and kenma cried out loudly. "Oho? Can't handle it huh? Someone this weak couldn't possibly survive on the streets! You aren't fooling anyone!" Another kick to his side, making him even more sick. He felt like he was going to throw up. 

'They're going to kill me' he thought. 'They're going to keep at it until they've gotten rid of me…'

Kenma laid there, pretty much accepting his fate. This is what he had wanted, right? He had only decided to keep living for now because he didn't want kuroo to worry, that was it. 

"HEY!" A voice kenma recognized shouted. "GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HIM!" The sound of a punch hitting human skin rang in kenma's ears. 

"What the hell!? It's just some street rat!" More punching. 

"That's a person asshole! And i said STAY AWAY!" 

The rest of the fight was a blur to kenma. He didn't understand what was going on and could hear what anyone was saying. He didn't even notice what the fight was over. 

"Kenma?" The voice he heard was soft and timid, he almost didn't recognize it. 

"Kuroo…" kenma said breathlessly. He felt like he couldn't breath and everything was too much and…

"Hey...i need you to breath with me ok? Breath in….out…." a steady hand rested on his back. 

"Can't…*gasp* breath…" kenma reached out, trying to grasp onto something, anything. He needed something grounding. 

He nearly gasped in surprise when a large hand wrapped around his fingers. 

"Hey I'm here ok? You're having a panic attack...you need to breathe with me...please…" 

Kenma nodded. 

"Good good...now in...and out….and in...and out" kenma tried his best to do as he was told, even though it wasn't perfect. To his surprise, listening to kuroo helped calm him down. 

"Good. You're doing good. Do you think you could sit up for me?" Kenma nodded again, unable to speak at the moment. Kuroo wrapped his hands around his chest and helped him sit up. Kenma grabbed his wrist and refused to let go. 

Kenma tried to talk. He desperately wanted to explain what had happened. But he was quickly cut off. 

"It's ok. You don't have to talk if you don't want to." Kenma was relieved. 

They stayed there for a few minutes, letting kenma take as long as he needed to calm down. Kuroo was incredibly patient and kind and helped him get through what was left of his anxiety. He sat next to kenma and held him close, witch was kind of embarrassing but physical contact seemed to help tremendously. Eventually the shaking and heavy breathing subsided, and kenma was feeling much better. 

"Hey...are you doing ok?" Kuroo asked.

"Better" kenma mumbled out. It was then that he realized how close to kuroo he was. His arms were wrapped around his chest and one of his legs was laying on top of kuroo's lap. He quickly shuffled away and blushed in embarrassment. 

"That's good" kuroo smiled at him. "Do you think you can stand up? We should get you somewhere more quiet." They were still in full view of the busy street. People were walking by and staring at them. Kenma hated the attention. 

"Yeah...i can…" kenma let out a raspy cough. 

"Good." Kuroo stood up and stretched out his hand for kenma to take. "Come on." Kenma took his hand and followed him quietly. 

_______________________________

Kenma and kuroo reached the tent slowly. Kenma wasn't feeling good, like something wasn't right. He didn't know what it was. 

Kenma was dazed out for what seemed like a long time, even though the walk to his tent couldn't of taken more than thirty seconds. 

"Hey" kuroo said suddenly. "If you want to….you can stay at my place tonight." Kuroo rubbed the back of his neck again. "I know how exhausting a panic attack can be...and you look pretty banged up...i know some first aid from a friend who's a doctor so i could patch you up…"

Kenma was surprised by the proposal. No one, in his entire two years on the streets, had offered to let him stay at their place, even people he had known for several weeks or even months. Of course, most people he'd known were also on the streets, so they didn't have a home to share really. He'd know kuroo for several days, and, even though kuroo seemed like a genuinely nice person, kenma didn't  _ know  _ kuroo. 

Kenma was shaken and sweaty and wanted nothing more than to sleep. He was beyond exhausted after his 'panic attack' kuroo had called it. But then he thought for a moment. If he took kuroo up on his offer he might be able to sleep on a clean couch or, if luck provided it, a soft bed with a comforter and sheets and multiple large pillows that he could snuggle up to and... _ god  _ it sounded like  _ heaven  _ at this point. 

"I don't…" 

"I have a spare bedroom! It's got an inner lock so i can't get in if you feel unsafe! It's even got an attached bathroom so you can take a shower or even a bath if you want!" Kuroo's smile was brighter than the sun, and kenma couldn't look away. 

Oh god...a  _ bath _ . He might be able to take a  _ bath _ . He hadn't had a bath in over two years and it was suddenly all he wanted to do. 

"I….yes. please. I would love to." Kenma bowed politely, but hissed in pain. His side hurt like a bitch. 

"Hey now, don't push yourself! I'll pack up your stuff ok? I'll pack your tent too so you don't have to worry about it getting stolen ok?" Kenma simply nodded in agreement. 

Kuroo packed up kenma's stuff pretty quickly. It took much less time taking the tent down then it took setting it up. 

It didn't take much time at all until kuroo said "allright! Ready go!" With kenmas backpack on his shoulders. He had somehow managed to put everything kenma owned on his shoulders. It kinda freaked kenma out. Kinda. 

And then they left, headed towards kuroo's apartment. 

_______________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and thank you for reading!
> 
> As allways, comments and criticism are very much welcome!
> 
> Ty!


	5. Spark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo lets kenma in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo! I hope y'all enjoy!! 
> 
> IMPORTANT!!!
> 
> Im going to start taking suggestions on this story now!!! Please comment what you'd like to see and ill try my best to include it!!!

**Kuroo pov**

Seeing kenma lying on the ground panicking was a lot for kuroo to process. 

The men that had attacked him were gone, scared off by a very pissed off kuroo, but the panic in kenma's eyes still remained. 

It took awhile for him to calm down, very obviously rattled from what had happened. His face was bruised slightly, Mostly likely from a kick from one of the perpetrators. His hands shook from stress, and his pupils were blown. 

After kuroo had finally managed to calm the anxious man down, he had offered him a place to stay for the night. It was just after he had asked that he realized that he didn't really think it through. Having a panic attack was exhausting, he knew from personal experience, but kuroo also had to be conscious of his own safety. Despite what seemed like an instant connection to kenma, kuroo still didn't know him. He could murder him in his sleep for all he knew. But something in kuroo said that everything would be fine, that this was just some guy on his last leg with no murdery intentions at all. 

Kuroo had the space, he had the time and resources to feed and house another person indefinitely. Most of his funds were in savings, and he made more than enough to support them both for a long time if kenma decided to stay. 

And so kuroo led them down the alley and towards his apartment. The walk seemed longer than usual, and kenma was unusually quiet. Kenma didn't talk much to begin with, preferring to listen instead. Now, the silence was deafening. 

_______________________________

**Kenma pov**

Eventually, they reached kuroo's apartment building. It was a tallish brick building, about five stories tall. It looked nice, with eloquent landscaping in the front and what looked like a gated pool in the back. Kenma was slightly in awe with the place. It was much better than any place he'd lived as a kid. 

Kuroo led kenma towards his place, a space on the second floor, apartment 203. It was a slight struggle getting up the stairs, kenma had hurt his side pretty bad that made stepping up hurt. Kuroo freaked out a bit before he helped him up and they were finally here. 

"Sorry if it's a bit of a mess." Kuroo said as he unlocked the door. "It's been a while since I've properly cleaned...I've been...a bit busy." Kuroo rubbed the back of his head as he opened the door. Kenma waited until kuroo led him inside. 

The apartment was pretty spacious. The entryway led into a small mudroom, lined with a few pairs of shoes. They all looked like they had a different purpose to them, tennis shoes for running and nice shoes for nice events. Kenma was only a little bit jealous. 

Kenma stood in the doorway, unsure of what to do, while kuroo took kenmas bag off to the right and rested it on the wall. Kuroo looked back and seemed to sense his discomfort. 

"Come on now." Kuroo smiled. "I'll show you around!" He gestured for kenma to follow him. Kenma did. 

"So here's the living room." Kuroo gestured to the space off to his right. It was larger than the last living room he had when he still lived with his parents. There was a large L shaped couch against the back wall with a largish TV in the front. In the center of the room was a glass table, covered scarcely with some old takeout boxes. There where a couple of video game consoles hooked up to the TV, and kenma thought of his old PSP. It was old and it was one of the luxury items he managed to take with him when he got kicked out. He had to sell it a while ago, the money was more important than the joy it provided after all. 

Kenma's eyes lit up when he saw consoles that he couldn't afford as a kid (he had to save up money for almost a year and a half doing odd jobs to get an old, used psp afterall) and he got even more excited when he saw some he couldn't recognize. How out of touch was he with that stuff nowadays? It didn't seem to even matter anymore, with everything that had happened in the past two years. 

"Eyeing the expensive stuff are we?" Kuroo said in mock suspicion. Kenma blushed franticly and tried to explain himself. 

"O-oh well...i uh...i used to play is all." Kenma said. "I used to have a psp when i became homeless. I had to sell it pretty quickly. I guess i miss it more than i expected. 

"Ah i see…" kuroo scratched the back of his head again. "Well uh over here is the kitchen." Kuroo gestered over to his right. There was a long bar separating the kitchen and living room, leaving the room open. "I'll make us something to eat later" kuroo turned back to kenma and put his hands on his hips. "We'll have to go grocery shopping later! I haven't been for a while" kuroo laughed nervously. Kenma just nodded, unsure of what else to say. 

"Allright onwards we go!" Kuroo walked towards a hallway. There were three doorways. Kenma assumed one of these led to the room he'd be staying in. "This one on the right is my room" kuroo pointed to the door. "This is just a storage closet" kuroo pointed to another door, directly across from his room. 

Kuroo then trotted to the doorway at the end of the hallway. "And this is the room you'll be staying in!" Kuroo said excitingly before opening the door. Kenma peered in. 

There was a queen sized bed pushed up against a wall, with a dresser adjacent to the bed. One of the walls had bookshelves full of books. Most of them looked like adventure or fantasy books, but some of them looked like textbooks about chemistry or biology or something or other. There was a small TV hooked up to the corner of the room next to another door that must of led to the bathroom. 

"Go on in!" Kuroo smiled. Kenma looked up at kuroo then back to the room before taking a step in. 

The first thing he did was sit on the bed. And oh  _ boy  _ it felt like  _ heaven _ . He quickly fell on top of the covers, which were the softest thing he'd ever touched. It was like laying on a cloud. He closed his eyes and sighed. 

"Enjoying yourself huh?" Kuroo chuckled, his arms crossed. It was obvious that kuroo was teasing, but all kenma did was nod. 

"Well...if you want to take a shower or bath, your bathrooms right there" kuroo pointed at the door. "And that's my place!" He said proudly. 

"It's….really nice…" kenma spoke softly. He already felt himself drifting off. 

"I'll start dinner ok? I hope ramen sounds ok!" 

"Ramen sounds amazing…" kenma was starving. He hadn't had anything to eat all day, not having enough energy to make it to McDonalds get something. 

"Alright. Feel free to do what you want" and with that, kuroo was gone. 

_____________________________

  
  


Despite wanting to stay on the bed and sleep there forever, kenma eventually managed to get up. It was a tiring process, and by the time he was sat up, all he wanted to do lay back down. 

But kenma wanted to take advantage of having a bathroom all to himself, especially if it was just for one night. Or maybe he should help kuroo cook first before taking a bath...that way he had more time. 

And so kenma headed toward the kicken. He stood in the entrance, and could hear sizzling from a pan, probably some kind of pork. He also heard soft humming coming from kuroo. 

Kuroo turned quickly, just now noticing kenma. "Hey! Whats up?" 

"Can...i help?" Kenma said shyly. 

Kuroo smiled. "Of course! If you want, you can chop up the green onions. They're already set out." Kenma turned to his right to see a small cluster of green onions placed on a cutting board. 

They fell into a nice rhythm. They moved around easily, not having to talk to each other to know what's going on or what they needed to do. Being around kuroo was...easy. 

Dinner was quickly ready, and they sat on kuroo's really nice couch while they ate and watched some generic comedy on TV. It was...surprisingly normal. It was the most normal thing that had happened to Kenma in a long, long time. He relished in the moment, taking it all in. He didn't want to forget this. 

After they were done eating, they talked. They talked about lots of things, from the games kenma used to play as a kid, to kuroo's recent volleyball match. The conversation flowed between them like they had known each other for years. 

They kept talking until kuroo looked at the clock and made a frustrated noise. "Sorry sorry. It's time for me to get to sleep." Kuroo stood up and took the bowls with him. Kenma pouted without meaning too. "Now now, don't make that face!" Kuroo smirked. "Didn't know that you liked talking to me that much!" 

Kenma blushed furiously, the redness covering his neck and ears. "Stop" he said in a very curt voice. Kuroo cleaned up what little mess was left of their dinner before heading back to the living room. 

"Feel free to use the shower or tub in your bathroom ok? Just...promise me you'll be here tomorrow ok? I've got something planned!" Kuroo winked, and kenmas blush suddenly returned. He nodded, not knowing what else to say. 

"Aight! Well I'm off!" Kuroo waved before heading off to his bedroom. 

And with that, kenma was alone. 

_______________________________

Kenma had decided a few minutes ago that he must have died and gone to heaven. 

Taking a bath in the apartment of a well off and handsome pro-volleyball player seemed to be only in some people's dreams. Yet here he was. 

When kenma entered the bathroom, he was astounded at the size. A full size bathroom greeted him, with a full vanity and a separate shower and garden tub. There were plenty of products to use, various face scrubs and bath bombs and shampoos lined the bathroom counter. 

The bath itself was incredible. It was probably because it had been so long since he'd taken one, but he was in absolute bliss. He scrubbed his body clean from all the grime that had built up from not showering in several days. He felt so much better afterwards that he felt himself drift off. He decided to get out before that happened. 

When he got out wrapped in a towel, he walked over to his bag and took out the clean change of clothes he still had left. He changed quickly before plopping down on the bed. 

He thought about the series of events that had happened today. Kuroo had been exceedingly nice to him, giving him stuff and letting him sleep in his spare bedroom. He had even chased off his attackers, defending him even though they had only met a few days prior. 

After a few minutes, kenma was too tired to think anymore. He shuffled under the covers, spooning one of the pillows and curling up against it. It was so incredibly comfortable that kemna was asleep within seconds. 

He dreamt of a certain someone that night. 

_______________________________ 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo!!! 
> 
> I hope y'all enjoyed this chapter!!! As allways, comments and criticism is welcome^^ 
> 
> Thank you!!!


	6. Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Theres a lot to talk about at three in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey yall!!
> 
> I really hope yall enjoy this chapter^^ its a bit shorter then the rest sorry^^, 
> 
> Reminder that im taking suggestions for this story!! Please comment your suggestion on this story!!
> 
> Sorry for any errors! This story is unbetad!!! 
> 
> Ty!!!

**Kuroo pov**

A lot had happened in the last couple of hours. 

Kenma seemed to be settling in, at least a little. He seemed much more at ease and less like someone was going to attack him at any second. It was a good change to say the least. 

As he started to get ready to go to sleep, he heard the bath running from the other room. It might of been a long time that he'd had a bath most likely. Who knows how long he'd been on the street. 

The second that he saw kemna relax on the bed after being homeless for so long, kuroo's heart swelled with affection and he told himself that he would never let kenma sleep on the streets ever again. 

It was an odd thing to feel so much for someone he barely knew, but kuroo didn't care. All he knew was that he wanted kenma here with him. 

Of course, he had yet to ask kenma what he thought of the idea. Maybe he didn't want to stay. Kuroo would ask in the morning. 

Right now, he needed to sleep. He had a pretty tight sleep schedule that he needed to keep in check. 

So he laid under the covers, his face pressed into his pillow. It was an odd position to sleep in sure, but it was super comfortable to kuroo. 

It took only a few minutes for him to fall asleep. He dreamt about a specific person that night.

_______________________________

**Kenma pov**

Kenma had managed to sleep peacefully for a few hours before something happened. 

He was thrust out of his rest suddenly, jerked awake by sudden panic and his heart running wild. He shot up, clutching his chest and trying his best to calm down. 

Kenma didn't understand what was happening. He was perfectly fine just seconds before, but now he was suddenly dizzy with worry and an overwhelming sense of dread. 

It happened occasionally, where he would wake up suddenly so scared that he could barely move. He had tried to talk to his parents about it and all they told him was that he needed to "get over it" and to "just calm down when that happens" 

But he never got over it, and he could never just calm down. He was always seized by this sudden panic for several minutes at a time, often once or twice a day. But they were  _ never _ this bad. 

Not knowing what else to do, he sat there trembling for what felt like forever. His heart eventually decided to stop pounding out of his chest and breathing evened out. 

Kenma took a deep breath before looking at the clock on the bedside table. It read "2:46am." Kenma had slept a mere five hours. 

He needed to go back to sleep. But kenma knew that once he had one of his "panic episodes" he called them, he wouldn't be able to fall asleep until he distracted himself and got something to drink first. His mind was still reeling and his mouth was always so dry afterwards that it made trying to fall asleep uncomfortable. 

He stood up slowly, still slightly dizzy. He walked quietly towards the door and opened it gently. It probably looked like he was sneaking around, maybe trying to steal something, but kenma didn't care. He didn't want to wake kuroo up and bother him anymore.

He walked towards the kitchen, stepping lightly near kuroo's door. He didn't want to risk any questions as to why he was up at almost three in morning. 

He rummaged through the cabinets to try and find a glass for water, eventually finding one. He filled it to the brim and drank it quickly. He wanted to get back to sleep as soon as possible. 

He was halfway through his drink before a too loud "'sup" rang through the kitchen. He nearly choked, turning around quickly to see a half asleep kuroo resting on the side of the hallway entryway frame. 

Kemna was immediately flushed. He knew he looked suspicious lurking around in the dead of night. 

"I-i just...th-thirsty and i…" 

Kuroo chuckled. "Hey it's fine. Everyones gotta drink something every once and awhile." he sulked over, sluggish from sleep. 

"So what's got you up at such an hour, huh?" Kuroo rested a hand on the bar counter, his signature smirk resting on his face. Kenma turned away. 

"Well uh...you might not believe me if i told you." He was always embarrassed when he had a panic episode. He'd never met someone else who had them, and he'd certainly never had any good experiences with telling anyone about them. 

"Ah well...I've heard alot of things. I doubt whatever you say will weird me out"

Kenma sighed. He didn't have much to lose in telling him. Kuroo had accepted every other part of him, so maybe,  _ maybe _ , kuroo might be the one to finally understand. 

So kenma sucked in a deep breath. "I-i uh…" he stuttered, trying desperately to get the words out. Kuroo waited patiently. 

"I have like...panic...episodes of some sort…i get scared really suddenly, and i can't breath or think properly." there. He said it. 

Kuroo tilted his head to the side and kenma froze. His mind ran through a million things at once, most of them being how kuroo would think he's a freak and kick him out on the spot, letting him freeze at three in the morning on the streets. 

But to kenma's surprise, he didn't do any of the bad things he thought he would do. 

"You mean like...a panic attack?" Kuroo questioned. Kenma turned to face kuroo. He'd never heard of it in his entire life except yesterday after kuroo had scared off those guys. 

"What...what do you mean?" 

"Well like...it's a sudden surge of panic right? Cant breath, heart palpitations, sudden panic, stomachaches, sudden feeling of doom...those are all symptoms of a classic panic attack." 

Kenma was stunned. Kuroo knew what was happening to him? 

"I've...never heard of that before…" 

Kuroo's eyes widened. "Really? Never?" He seemed surprised. "You've been having panic attacks and you honestly didn't know what was happening? You didn't go to the doctor or anything?" 

Kenma shook his head. "I asked my parents about what was going on a few years ago...they told me i just needed to get over it. They refused to let me talk to a doctor about it or look it up. They said that the doctors would scam them into taking more medicine. "

Kuroo's face contorted into a disguised expression. "That's...fucked up…" kuroo slightly flinched at his own comment, but kenma nodded in agreement. 

"It was very fucked up, yes" kenma looked away. "The second i turned eighteen, they kicked me out with only a few minutes to get my things. I didn't get the chance to finish high school. I just stopped showing up and no one ever looked for me. I couldn't afford the train fare and didn't have any other way to get there. My school was a bit far away." 

Kuroo hummed. "That's...a lot" 

"It is." kenma said nervously. He hoped he didn't scare kuroo off with how much he had told him. 

"And how long ago was that?" 

Kenma thought for a moment. "About two years ago. I turned twenty in october. 

"Damn that's…" kuroo shook his head. "It sucks...i know that. No one should ever have to go through that" 

Kenma took a few moments to process what he'd said. Kuroo...had been though this too? 

"Wait you…" 

"We should really go back to sleep" kuroo interrupted. "Sorry sorry it's just...if i don't go back to sleep soon i might not be able to go back to sleep at all." Kuroo rubbed his face. 

"R-right. Sorry for keeping you up." Kenma said quietly. 

"Hey it's no problem! Try to get some rest too ok?" Kenma simply nodded. "Well, goodnight." Kuroo turned and headed back to his bedroom. 

Kenma was even more tired after his conversation with kuroo, and was very much distracted. What he'd been experiencing had a name, which meant that other people experienced it too. 

He quickly returned to his room with a new found hope, resting himself on the side of a pillow. He pressed his face into the soft fabric, thinking too many things. 

Maybe there really was hope. If other people experienced the same thing he did then maybe there was some kind of cure or maybe a treatment. 

But his hope was quickly crushed. He knew he couldn't afford any medication or whatever he needed to rid him of his condition. Things like that were always too expensive. 

He fell asleep eventually, his thoughts conflicted. 

He didn't dream anymore. 

_______________________________

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! 
> 
> Tysm for reading! As allways, comments and criticism is welcome!!
> 
> Ty!!!


	7. Too much

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo asks kenma an important question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo! Sorry for such a short chapter! Please forgive me^^, 
> 
> Im still taking requests on this story, so please comment is there's something specific you'd like to see:)
> 
> I really hope y'all enjoy reading! Ty!!!

**Kuroo pov**

The next day kuroo woke up with a crook in his neck. 

He had slept funny all night, tossing and turning. He dreamt about what kenma could have gone through, how awful the past two years must have been. He was on the streets for a few short months before bokuto and akaashi had found out. 

It was a long story, a story that he didn't like to tell. He stopped thinking about it, not wanting to bring back the bad memories. 

He managed to drag himself out of bed eventually, rubbing at his neck. He hated waking up sore. 

He sat on his bed and thought for a moment. Hopefully kenma was still here. He needed to ask him if he wanted to stay and he couldn't do that if he'd already left, so he made seeing if kenma was still around his first mission of the day. 

He got up slowly and crept towards kenma's door. He twisted the handle like it was made of thin glass, trying to mask his surprise that it wasn't locked, and peered inside. 

There he gazed upon a sleeping kenma. His face was pressed up against one of the pillows, his body curled up around it almost like a cat. His face was smooth and his features were soft, his chest rising and falling slowly. In the morning window light,the golden tips of kenma's hair nearly glowed. He looked absolutely stunning. 

Kuroo's heart crept into his throat as he realized that he was essentially spying on the guy. He quickly shut the door as a deep red blush found its way on kuroo's cheeks, spilling down to his neck. 

'Nope nope nope' kuroo thought. 'I do  _ not  _ think that dumpster boy is cute. I met him like four days ago. He's not attractive he's  _ not attractive'  _

And thus, kuroo went to the living room to sulk, thinking about his new found emotions. 

Kenma wasn't in a state to be hit on by some random guy that picked him off the streets. Kenma did  _ not  _ need a relationship right now. Kenma needed a place to stay while he got back on his feet and maybe some help finding a job and that was  _ it. _

And so kuroo promised himself that he would not talk to kenma about his feelings. It was kinda sad to think about, but kuroo knew it was for the best. 

_______________________________

  
  


Kuroo used the next hour to make breakfast. He made some delicious pancakes and bacon and eggs for them to eat. He thought that kenma would appreciate a real home cooked breakfast. God knows he needs it. 

After breakfast was done, he split the food into two plates and set them on the table. He then filled up two glasses of orange juice and put them next to the cutlery. He moved things around a small bit to make sure everything looked good. 

When kuroo was finally satisfied with the setup, we walked over to kenma's bedroom and knocked on the door gently. 

"Kenma? Hey, it's time to get up!" 

Nothing. 

"Kenma? Hey! Foods ready! Come on!" 

Still nothing. 

Panic seized his body. What if something happened and kenma couldn't move? What if he had gone to use the bathroom or something and slipped and hit his head!? 

Thinking beyond reason, kuroo opened the door. 

Kenma was still laying down, eyes open and half lidded, his face peering out from behind the pillow he was still spooning. He looked almost...annoyed? Kuroo had never seen such emotion on kenma's face before and was shocked. 

"What…" kenma muttered. Kuroo could hear the agitation in his voice and nearly took a step back. 

"W-well um...breakfast is ready and uh...i thought you might want some?" 

Kenma's face scrunched up, almost like he was scowling. "Breakfast?" His voice sounded like he was trying to comprehend what was going on. 

It was then that kuroo realized. 'Oh...he's just not a morning person' and sighed internally in relief that kenma wasn't mad at him but rather just not fully awake yet. 

"Yeah! I made pancakes and bacon and eggs." 

"Hmmm…" kenma hummed in thought. Kuroo found it endearing. almost. 

"Come on now…" kuroo pouted slightly. "I made some just for you!" 

Kenma closed his eyes and sighed. "I might…" and then he rolled over and snuggled up to a different pillow. 

"Kennnmaaaa!! Come on!" Kurop flicked the lights on and kenma flinched. "It'll get cold if you go back to sleep!" Kuroo leaned on the side of the doorway. 

"Ughhhhh…" kenma groaned before pushing himself upright. "Fine" kenma pushed himself off the bed, stretching upwards and yawning loudly. The motion made kuroo feel all kinds of things, mostly about how cute kenma looked when his shirt slid up just enough to show his stomach. 

Kenma got to his feel and walked towards the door, hunched over like a gremlin the whole time. He slid past kuroo before stopping suddenly at the Hallway entrance.

Kuroo nearly trampled over kenma he had stopped so suddenly. "Woah!" Kuroo managed to stop just in time. "Why'd yah stop? Huh?" It was then that kuroo noticed the expression on kenma's face. He looked...shocked almost, his eyes wide and if kuroo was thinking right he looked like he was about to cry. 

"What's wrong? Are you ok!?" Kuroo asked, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder. Kenma flinched in surprise. 

"That's...for me?" Kenma's voice was as quiet as ever, but his voice wavered. 

"Uhhh..yeah!" Kuroo smiled. "Come on!" Kuroo slipped by kenma and headed towards the table, taking a seat opposite of the doorway. 

To kuroo's surprise, kenma stayed put. "Are you...sure?" Kenma asked. He fidgeted with his fingers a bit, turning away. 

Kuroo tilted his head to the side. "Hm? What are you talking about? Come sit down and eat already will yah?" Kuroo picked up his knife and fork and cut into the pancakes. 

Kenma walked over to the table slowly, sitting at the table and staring at the food. He soon picked up his cutlery and cut into his pancakes as well. 

They both ate slowly, talking about small things like the food or the weather. 

"So...how was your night? I hope you slept well." Kuroo said as he shoved bacon into his mouth. 

"I-it was...it was great...thank you again…" kenma said. 

"Hey it's no problem!" Kuroo smiled again, trying his best to reassure kenma. 

"Seriously. I owe you" kenma said as he took a small bite of his pancakes. 

Kuroo frowned. "You don't owe me. Seriously. 

Kenma scowled slightly, a mix between a pout and another expression that kuroo couldn't comprehend. 

"But...i do have a question for you." Kuroo said suddenly. 

Kenma tilted his head in question. 

"Do you...want to stay here?" Kuroo rubbed the back of his head. 

Kenma was shocked beyond belief, and his feelings were present on his face. He couldn't understand why anyone would want  _ him  _ to stay with them. It was too much for him, he couldn't offer anything in return. He nearly slammed the fork he was holding onto the table. 

"Wh...what do you mean?" His hands were nearly shaking. 

"Well...I'm saying that you can stay in the spare room until you can get back on your feet." 

"But...i can't...i can't pay you anything, why would you…" Kenma shook his head in utter disbelief. "I can't. I can't offer you anything. I couldn't possibly stay here" 

"Hmmm" kuroo hummed. "In that case...how about you…" he looked around, trying to think of  _ something _ ge could do to make kenma feel like he was worthy of staying. 

"I know!" He said suddenly. "How about...you clean!? You can stay here and in return you do most of the cleaning and organizing around here! Sound like a deal?" Kuroo was more excited then he probably should be. 

"W-well…" kenma looked away, thinking about his options. 

He knew that he wanted off the streets, everyone who was homeless did. He knew that this was the best opportunity he could get to escape. He would never get an opportunity like this ever again, a way to get off the streets right now and possibly stay off indefinitely. No more worrying about where he going to sleep or when his next meal was going to be. He could finally focus on finding a job and getting a place to stay long term. 

But he didn't want to bother the nice man who had already helped him so much already. Kuroo was nice, and he didn't want to take any more advantage of that kindness then he already had. 

Was it really ok to be selfish with this kind of thing? He didn't see any other options to get out of his current situation. He knew what he'd had to do. 

"I...I'd love to stay" his voice was soft and appreciative. He wanted kuroo to know that he was grateful. 

Kuroo's eyes grew wide in surprise and excitement. "R-really? You'll stay!?" 

Kenma nodded. "Yeah. I'll stay" he folded his hands in his lap. 

Kuroo showed kenma the biggest smile that he could muster. "Awesome!! Ok ok!" He stood up quickly, taking his plate in his hand. "Get ready to go! I want to take you somewhere!" 

Kenma was taken aback. "Where?" 

Kuroo winked as he walked to the kitchen. "You'll have to wait and see!" 

Kenma pouted. "Kuroo…" 

"Hmmmm?" Kuroo hummed as he put his plate in the sink to wash later. "Go get ready ok!" 

Kenma sighed and got, forgetting his plate. He turned and went to his bedroom, realizing that he didn't have any clean clothes, he decided to freshen up what he was already wearing. 

He washed out any stains in the sink and dried them with a towel. He washed his face quickly before nearly smothering himself with deodorant. 

He brushed his teeth before heading out to the living room. When he got there, kuroo was already there, waiting on the couch and ready to go. 

"You ready?" 

Kenma nodded. 

Kuroo smiled. "Lets go."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo! 
> 
> Tysm for reading! I hope you enjoyed this chapter^^ 
> 
> As allways, comments and criticism are welcome!!
> 
> Ty!!!


	8. First light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo and kenma go somewhere together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo! Whoooo two chapters in two days!!! 
> 
> I hope this makes up for yesterdays short chapter. this chapter is kinda short too lol.
> 
> Im still open for suggestions! Please comment if theres anything specific you'd like to see. 
> 
> Thank you!!

**Kenma pov**

The car ride to who knows where was quiet. 

Kenma honestly had no clue where they were going. He was unfamiliar with this side of town. 

As they passed by more and more buildings he didn't recognize, he started to get a bit anxious. He hated not knowing where he was or where he was going. 

Kuroo had the radio turned up full blast and he sang along to some pop song that was popular right now. He sucked at singing, but kenma didn't mind. 

"Are you really not going to tell me where we're going?" Kenma huffed. He rested his head on the edge of the car window, peering outside and watching the world go by. 

Kuroo let out a small chuckle. "Yep! You'll have to wait and see!" 

Kenma was perplexed by how cheerful Kuroo was. He was always smiling or laughing like he was doing something he enjoyed, even when he was doing something incredibly mundane. He would hum while doing the dishes or cleaning off the coffee table and was always smiling at kenma like his life depended on it. 

It was difficult to stay upset or angry when kuroo was around. His laughter was infectious, his smile seemed to warm up the whole room. 

It was undeniable that kenma felt some kind of way about kuroo. He didn't really know how to describe it exactly. Kuroo was incredibly handsome and kind, it felt like they had known each other forever when in reality it had only been a few short days. Kenma wanted to spend more time with kuroo. He wanted to…

Ok. Maybe Kenma had a  _ tiny  _ crush kuroo. 

He felt kinda bad. He didn't know anything about kuroo other than he liked volleyball and was one of the most generous people Kenma knew. 

He felt obligated to know more about kuroo before he did anything. He wanted to be friends with kuroo before he became anything more.

Then, he thought, maybe he didn't like kuroo in that way at all. 

Maybe he was so desperate for affection that he could fall in love with any man that showed him a glimpse of kindness. Maybe he was so blinded by the fact that kuroo had basically rescued him from such a terrible situation that he mistook what he was feeling for something more than friendship or admiration. 

He shoved the thoughts into the back of mind, trying not to think so much he'd get worked up. 

At some point, kenma looked up to see a very large building with the words "SF MALL" in giant letters on the side. He saw kuroo turn into it's parking garage and he knew exactly where they where going. 

"The mall?" Kenma asked. 

Kuroo nodded, looking kenma over for some kind of reaction. "It's a weekday so it shouldn't be too busy. I was thinking I should get you some more stuff since you'll be living with me now." 

Kenma turned away, uncertainty on his face. "You don't have to…" 

"I want to" kuroo cut him off, pulling into an empty parking spot. He took his seat belt off before turning to face kenma. 

"Hey...i was wondering …" kuroo rubbed the back of his neck. 

Kenma looked at kuroo, a confused expression on his face. "What is it?" 

"What...do you want to do?" Kenma was even more confused. "What do you mean? 

"I mean, what do you want to get out of staying with me?" 

Kenma looked up in thought. He had never really thought that far ahead before. He'd always lived day by day, thinking about where to get food and where he was going to sleep. He didn't have a lot of time to think about what he was going to do years from now, or even a few months. 

It was even more difficult to think about when he had thought about ending it all just a few days ago. He didn't even think he'd be alive anymore within the next week.

"I'm...not sure…" he said eventually. 

Kuroo thought for a moment. "Well...you said you don't have a high school diploma right?" Kenma nodded. "Well...what if you focused on that then? Seems like a feasible first goal to me." Kuroo shrugged. 

"I never thought about that." Kenma fidgeted with his fingers. 

Kuroo smiled at him. "You don't have to decide right away of course. It'll help you find a job if you decide to get one soon." 

Kuroo did have a point. If he ever wanted to find a job he'd need to get a high school diploma to ever have a chance at getting something above minimum wage and not under the table. 

So kenma nodded. "I think that's a good idea…" 

"Allright! Let's go in then!" Kuroo hopped out of the car quicker than any human being kenma had ever seen. Kenma being Kenma took his time getting out, stretching upwards before walking towards Kuroo who was pretty much bounding around in anticipation. 

"Can i ask what's got you so riled up?" Kenma tucked his hands in his pockets. 

"What? I can't get excited about going to the mall?!" Kuroo nearly shouted. Kenma looked expectantly at Kuroo, like he was waiting for him to do something ridiculous. 

"Well…" kuroo rubbed the back of his head again. "This place miiiighhttt have the best calzones I've ever had. I never get to come here because I'm usually really busy and this place is kinda far." 

Kenma let out a small laugh through his nose. It wasn't much, not even audible, but it was enough to make kuroo blush. "Of course that's what you're excited about." 

Kuroo was a little taken about by the playful teasing. Some might have taken it the wrong way, but kuroo knew what was going on. Kenma was finally opening up and showing Kuroo the true him. 

"Yeah yeah. Let's get going." Kuroo walked away, expecting kenma to follow him. 

______________________________

Kenma was completely taken aback by the mall's interior. 

It was three stories tall, a long narrow building with a large and fancy looking fountain in the middle. The lights are what really brought the place together, strings of fairy lights strung from balcony to balcony. Kenma almost forgot it was nearing Christmas. 

Kuroo walked quickly to the map. "Where to go, where to go…" he looked through all the shops, running his fingers over the names. 

"We need clothes, shoes, a cell phone…" kenma nearly choked. "A...phone? That's way too much."

Kuroo looked at him like what he said was the most obvious thing in the world. "Well...yeah. A phone is a need at this point. Call in to a job, call for interviews, etc, etc. It's difficult to keep a job without a phone." 

It was true. When kenma tried to find a job, every employer was always thrown off by the fact he didn't have a phone. It was difficult to remember a schedule without being able to take a picture of it or without having anything to write it down on. He couldn't get called in because there was no way to get called in. He probably missed out on so much extra funds because he couldn't be asked to cover someone's shift. 

"Yeah...I was thinking of taking you to get a haircut too…" kuroo scratched his chin. "I mean...if you wanted to." Kuroo looked at kenma with a sideways glare. 

Kenma didn't respond. He knew that kruoo would just drag him to the hair salon anyway. 

"Let's head to the foot locker first and get you some new shoes. how's that sound." Kenma simply nodded. He felt kinda like a kid being dragged around by his mom at the grocery store. 

They walked around for several hours. They got kenma a new pair of shoes, several new outfits, and a new smartphone (Kenma had insisted on getting a cheap flip phone, but Kuroo had insisted that the smartphone was worth it.) 

The last place they went was the hair salon. Kenma got a trim, his golden tips now gone and his hair a straight black color. Kuroo then asked if he wanted to dye his hair again and kenma immediately said yes. It had been the only thing Kenma hadn't hesitated on agreeing on. 

He decided to dye his hair halfway down, a look he had adopted in high school and had grown quite fond of. He wanted to keep it like that, bit life , of course, had gotten in the way. 

After the salon, they were both quite tired and decided to head home. They had some small talk on the way to the car, mostly about kuroo talking about his upcoming match, before they finally hopped in the car and went home. 

_______________________________

The next hour after they returned home was spent settling kenma in. He placed his new clothes in the dresser, organizing in a very specific manner that only kenma knew. Kuroo left him alone to do what he needed to do, realizing that kenma could be a bit specific and protective with his personal belongings. It made sense, if you didn't keep a close eye on your stuff on the streets then it would get stolen. 

It was refreshing, moving into a new place. He was incredibly happy to have somewhere to be, and made that as clear as he could to kuroo. He thanked him over and over, nearly crying at some points when kuroo bought him something a bit expensive. 

After spending a bit more time organizing, he was finally finished. 

He sat on the bed, exhausted by the day's events. He laid down under the covers and took out his phone. He went into the app store and downloaded a few free games to play. 

It didn't take long for him to drift off, his phone laying on his chest. 

He dreamt of his future for the first time. 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo! I hope yall enjoyed this chapter!! 
> 
> As allways, comments and criticism are welcome! 
> 
> Thank you!


	9. Something more-part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something happens that causes a shift in kuroo and kenma's relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey everyone! This chapter was finished earlier then expected so here it is!
> 
> Im still taking requests on this story as well as stand alone fics so if theres something you want to see just comment^^ 
> 
> Update- ill be writing a filler chapter with some bokuaka soon so keep a look out for that:)
> 
> Please enjoy!!

**Kenma pov**

Kenma woke with a start the next day. 

Yesterday had proved to be mentally draining to say the least. Spending hours on end around other people left him exhausted. He had barely woken up to eat dinner last night before going back to his room and promptly falling back asleep. 

Kuroo had picked up quickly on kenma's limited social energy, noting how he tended to hide in his room every time he went outside, especially when other people were involved. 

But today was especially rough. He knew the second that he woke up that something wasn't quite right. He felt...cold? That wasn't the right word...hot didn't seem to fit the bill either. More like...hot-cold? Yeah, that sounded better. 

He was completely drenched in sweat, panting hard and quick. It felt like someone was stepping on his chest. This wasn't one of his "sad episodes" that he also had occasionally, this was something worse. 

His mind raced at what it could be and how he would pay for it, his brain completely forgetting that he wasn't homeless anymore. What if he needed to go to the doctor? He couldn't afford a doctor!! 

He tried to look around, his vision blurry and lacking any sort of focus. He gripped at the sheets, not really talking anything in. 

A knock is what knocked him out of panic. 

"Kenma?" Kuroo asked gently. "Are you awake yet? Breakfast is ready."

Right. He was living with kuroo now. 

"Kuro…" Kenma said with a soft whine. His throat ached and his voice was grovally and much deeper then normal. 

He heard kuroo suck in a breath. "Kenma? I'm coming in." He sounded almost concerned, like when his mom would take care of him when he was young. 

Kenma peered over at the door as kuroo opened it. Kuroo peaked his head in like he was looking for danger before his eyes finally fell on kenmas face, paler than normal except for the red splotches that covered his cheeks. Kuroo could hear kenmas labored breathing and his eyes grew wide. 

"Shit…" kuroo breathed out. He wandered into the room quietly, not wanting to make any loud noises that might scare kenma too much. It's obvious that he wasn't well and kuroo didn't want to make it any worse. 

"You...don't look so good." He said as he reached the side of the bed. He kneeled down so he could reach eye level with the sick person in front of him. He reached his hand out and touched a gentle hand to kenmas forehead, and kenmas heart skipped a beat. 

"You're really warm too." 

"Thanks for saying the obvious." Kenma said in a bit of frustrated sarcasm. He was upset that he was feeling so awful and felt a little bad for taking it out on kuroo. 

But instead of the screaming and abuse that kenma was used to after talking in such a manner, he was half surprised to hear kuroo chuckle at the remark. 

"Just...wait here ok. I'll be right back." Kuroo stated before standing up and walking hurriedly towards the kitchen. 

Kenma didn't know what to expect. He got sick a lot as a kid and young adult but it was always a hit or miss if they would help him or not. 

When Kenma was young, he vaguely remembers them caring for him when he fell ill with the flu or a stomach bug. They would make him some kind of soup and give him pills to make him feel better. But as he got older, the soft touches of a caring parent turned into a slap to the face or a kick to the knee, words telling him that he needed to grow up and get over it. They couldn't afford medication anymore, or maybe they just refused to buy it for him, and kenma just simply suffered. 

Panic seized his body at the thought of the time he got so sick he fainted during volleyball practice and ended up in the hospital. After he was better and got to go home, his dad had whipped him with a belt on his back so hard he still has the scars from where the buckle broke his skin. 

Suddenly, he couldn't breath. The room tilted from side to side and he felt like he was going to throw up. He didn't want to be beat like that ever again, he didn't even want to  _ think _ about being beat that bad again. 

He tried his best to calm himself down, but he didn't know how. All he could do was lay there, unable to move and unable to think about anything else except about how scared he was. 

Kuroo returned after a short time, something small in his hands and worry on his face. 

"Kenma?" He said softly. His voice was so gentle that a single word snapped kenma into focus. He could suddenly think and grasp what was going on. 

Kuroo nearly ran to the side of the bed. "Hey. it's ok. I need you to breathe with me ok? In...out…" kuroo grasped kenmas shoulder with his hand, trying to ground him in whatever way he could. 

Kenma did as he was told, just like the last time. He took deep breaths, trying his best to think about calming down and not about his overwhelming anxiety. He was almost surprised when kuroo's coaxing worked. He was calm in a record amount of time, his head pounding with stress and sickness. 

"There you go…" Kuroo's fingers wrapped in his own, his thumb running over his hand. Kenma was embarrassed at how much the small action helped him, and Kenma tried his best not to read too much into it. 

"How do you feel?" Kuroo's eyes met his. They were so filled with kindness that kenma didn't know what to think. He looked into his eyes and felt like he could stare at them forever. The golden hazel color was mesmerizing and nearly indescribable in kenma's hazy ill stricken mind. 

Kenma, dazed from his fever, said the first thing that came from his mind. "Your eyes...are really pretty…" his voice was barely above a whisper. 

The look of shock on kuroo's face was burned into kenma's mind forever. His brain finally catching up to him, Kenma blushed furiously.

Kuroo was flushed down to his neck and up to the tips of his ears. "I-i uh…" 

Kenma was way too quick for someone who was sick. He quickly turned away, his hands reaching down and pulling the blanket up and over his head. It was a mistake on kenmas part, his head was suddenly spinning and he was thrown into a coughing fit. 

He was trembling at this point, his hands shaking wildly. 

"Hey hey! Kenma!" Kuroo put a hand on the lump under the blanket. "Here here. We need to take your temperature and then you can have some water ok?" Kuroo talked like nothing ever happened, obviously picking up on the fact that kenma didn't mean to say what he did. 

Kenma peaked his head out from under the covers, looking at kuroo with a questioning look. His blush was gone and he had that kind smile and look in his eyes. 

"Here. Just put this under your tongue." kuroo gestured with the thermometer. 

Kenma moved the covers over so his entire head was uncovered, taking the thermometer in his mouth. It was cold and tasted vaguely of rubbing alcohol, and Kenma hated it. 

Luckily the thermometer was only in his mouth for a couple of moments before it was beeping and kuroo took it out. He looked at the thermometer and then back at kenma.

"I think we should go to the hospital." He said, seemingly out of the blue. Kenma felt dizzy at the comment. 

"The...hospital? Why?" 

"You're running a fever of one hundred and four." Kuroo stood up.

Kenma freaked out immediately. "NO!" He barked out. The sudden loud noise startled kuroo, and he turned to look at kenma with a shocked look at his face. Kuroo couldn't believe that quiet kenma had just shouted so loudly. 

Kenma couldn't go through that again. He couldn't go back there again. The hospital meant punishment, it meant  _ pain and… _

"Kenma!" A sudden warmth on his hand had him turning towards kuroo. trying to find something to hold on to, he gripped his hand as tightly as he could. He could see kuroo wince slightly in pain but kenma made no attempt to pull away. 

"No. No hospital….they'll...they'll hit me!" Kuroo's worry turned to confusion. "What do you mean? Who will hit you?" 

Kenma was dazed, he couldn't understand what was going on. His panic was so overwhelming he could barely breath enough to talk, his throat dried up. 

"Dad will hurt me! I can't...do that!" Kenma started to thrash around wildly, clinging onto kuroo's arm. 

Kuroo was desperate at this point. It was obvious that kenma feared hospitals to the point that saying he should go to one sent him into a panic immediately. But kenma was obviously very, very sick and needed help immediately. 

"Kenma." Kuroo's voice was calm as he tried to reassure Kenma the best he could. "I'm going to call an ambulance ok? They'll check you over and see if you need to go to the hospital." 

Kenma took in a shaky breath, one that was loud and sounded like he was gasping for air. 

He couldn't breath. He couldn't talk. He could  _ think _ . He felt himself drifting off, trying with every fiber in his being to stay awake. 

His grip on kuroo's hand loosened and kenma could barely see the panic in his eyes as the corners of his vision went dark. 

"Kenma? Kenma!" Was the last thing kenma heard before he finally blacked out. 

_______________________________

**Kuroo pov**

Kuroo's heart sank to his stomach the second he saw kenmas head lolling to the side. The small man's eyes basically rolled into his head as he blacked out. 

It was probably from the stress from the panic that kenma was experiencing mixed with his high fever that had kenma in such a state, and it was probably best to call an ambulance or  _ someone _ but, for some reason, all logic was thrown out the window when it came to kenma.

"Kenma! Kenma wake up!" He tried desperately to jostle him awake by grabbing his shoulder and shaking him violently. Of course, kenma didn't stir and kuroo was left sitting there with tears pricked in the corners of his eyes, basically frozen on the spot in fear of his new friend possibly dying before he had the chance to find his way in the world or something like that. 

Later on kuroo would think back and realize that it was actually a fear of kenma leaving  _ him  _ that worked him up so much. It was a selfish thing to think at such a time, kenma didn't know him and he didn't know kenma. 

He finally stopped freaking out so much that he had half a mind to get up and get his phone to call an ambulance. 

The next twenty minutes were a complete blur. He doesn't remember calling an ambulance, just when the ambulance arrived fifteen minutes later. He sat in the living room, trembling as the paramedics took kenma away on a stretcher. 

They tried to talk to kuroo about what happened. He told them that kenma had woken up with a high fever and had a panic attack after kuroo had suggested they go to the hospital. They tried to ask kuroo about medical history and the only thing that kuroo knew was that kenma had a history or panic attacks. He explained that he hadn't known kenma for very long and didn't know anything else, but they still persisted with the questions. 

At some point they finally realized that kuroo really didn't know anything and gave kuroo the name of the hospital before taking their leave. 

After everyone had left, kuroo sobbed. 

He was at a complete loss at what to do. He couldn't leave kenma alone, he knew that for certain. Whatever kenma had gone through in the past, it was awful and traumatic and a deep part of kuroo wanted to protect kenma from it as long as he could. 

He didn't understand why he felt the way he did about kenma. They had met less than a week ago and kuroo was protective over him as he should have been over a long time friend or partner. 

He needed to go to the hospital. He couldn't leave kenma to fend for himself there, but he knew he was in no shape to drive. So after a few moments of thought, he called the most reliable person he could think of. 

His fingers shakily pressed the buttons and he nearly sobbed as he put his phone up to his ear. 

"Hey hey hey! Whats up bro?!" Bokuto's voice was loud and the background was filled with chatter. 

"Bo..bokuto…" kuroo's voice cracked. He felt kinda guilty for pulling his friend out of whatever he was doing. 

"Kuroo?" Bokuto's voice was suddenly serious and tame. "Kuroo what's wrong?" The chatter around him quieted down and he could hear some quiet, hushed whispers. 

"I need...i need you to take me to the hospital…" he didn't realize how bad that sounded until he heard bokuto's reaction. 

"WHAT!?" Kuroo had to move the phone away from his ears. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN!? ARE YOU OK WHERE ARE YOU!?" 

"Bo i...it's not me?" 

"It's not you!? What do you mean?" 

"You remember the guy i was talking about right? Well…" kuroo took in a deep breath. "He's been living with me for the past couple of days. He woke up this morning running a high fever and he blacked out. I...had to call an ambulance." 

Kuroo heard bokuto take in a hasty breath before he continued. "I just...I'm not in a state to drive myself there. Could you...could you take me?" 

Bokuto was unusually quiet. "I'll be there in ten minutes." He said before hanging up. 

The next ten minutes were excruciating. He couldn't stop crying, his body couldn't stop shaking. He was completely distraught. 

Bokuto finally arrived eleven minutes later. He barged in with akaashi right behind him. 

"Kuroo!" He ran up to his best friend and hugged him tightly. Kuroo couldn't help but cry in his shoulder, akaashi's hand on his back trying to sooth him. 

Kuroo was quiet after he stopped crying. It freaked both bokuto and akaashi out. 

"Hey. Lets go." Bokuto said. 

Kuroo nodded, not knowing what else to say. Bokuto and akaashi helped Kuroo up and guided him towards the car. 

It was then that Kuroo realized why Akaashi was there in the first place. The younger man put himself in the driver's seat while bokuto and kuroo sat in the back so bokuto could offer kuroo emotional support. 

"Hey. It'll be ok, ok?" Bokuto said, his hand laid gently on kuroo's shoulder. 

"I hope you're right." 

The rest of the ride was quiet, and the only thing that kuroo could think about was kenma. 

  
  


  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Like i said before, im trying my best to slow down to make chapters longer. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!!


	10. Curry and onion's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bokuto gets a phone call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey yall! Sorry this chaoter is so short, its basicly explaining what bokuto was doing when he got the call from kuroo last chapter. 
> 
> ANNOUNCEMENT-im currently looking for an editor for this story! Must be 18+ and have google docs. Please comment if you're interetsed
> 
> I also wanted to say thank you for 80 kudos and 1k hits! I really appriciate it ya'll;-;
> 
> Thank you for reading!

**Bokuto pov**

That tuesday was a good day. 

Bokuto had decided to throw a small party for all of his old teammates at Fukurodani, his old high school team. Most of them managed to make it luckily, and bokuto was beyond excited. 

Him and Keiji spent the morning cleaning their rather spacious apartment and preparing food for their guests. It wasn't Bokuto's favorite thing to do, but he loved spending time with his amazing boyfriend more than anything so he tolerated it. 

It had been a while since bokuto had seen his old teammates, and he was absolutely thrilled at the thought of seeing them all again. 

The set up took a few hours. akaashi did most of the cooking, he didn't trust bokuto with the oven after last months 'incident', while bokuto did most of the cleaning. 

Bokuto was quieter than usual, simply humming to himself as he swept the living room floor. Akaashi appreciated the silence that was created by a super focused bokuto, and used the quiet to focus on cooking as fast as he could 

It was early in the morning, the get together was planned for early that afternoon around eleven. It was an odd time for a party, but it was the only time that worked for everyone. 

"Bokuto. Could you help me for a moment?" Akaashi asked. Bokuto smiled excitedly. "Yeah! Whats up?"

Akaashi gestured to the cutting board next to him with onions on it for whatever he was making. (Bokuto didn't exactly know, but he trusted akaashi to make something delicious.) "Could you cut those for me please?"

Bokuto nodded frantically and got to work, chopping the onions with the knife that akaashi gave him. 

It didn't take long for tears to fall, the onion really getting to him. He sniffed slightly, trying his best to look at least a little tough for his boyfriend. 

Akaashi knew it was just the onions the other was cutting, but seeing bokuto crying really got to him. He loved his boyfriend so much that seeing him in any sort of distress made him upset. He put the spoon he was holding down on the counter and stepped over to his partner. He wrapped his arms around bokutos waist. The action startled bokuto, his face turning to see his slightly distressed looking lover. 

"'Kaashi?" Bokuto looked confused. 

"Shhh" akaashi pecked a small, chaste kiss to the corner of Bokuto's mouth. Bokuto smiled at the touch. "Awwww babe…" bokuto took Akaashi's cheeks in his hands and pressed his lips to akaashi's. The kiss lingered for a few moments before they both pulled away. 'I really am the luckiest guy in the world huh?' Bokuto thought. 

They pulled each other in for another kiss, akaashi's arms pulled tight around Bokuto's waist and vice versa. 

The small loving kisses soon turned into a heated make out session, with akaashi now seated on the counter and bokuto running his hands up and down his sides. 

About ten minutes into their 'activity' akaashi pulled away suddenly. Bokuto pouted and whined. "Akaaashiiii" 

"Sorry bokuto. The curry will burn if i don't take it off now. Akaashi wiggled his way out of a very clingy Bokuto's grip and headed to the stove, taking the big pot of curry off of the burner. Bokuto, wanting more, slinked his arms around a now disgruntled akaashi. He rested his head on akaashi's shoulder. "'Kaashi…" he murmured, pressing another kiss to Akaashi's cheek. 

Akaashi sighed. He had put bokuto in a 'mood' and he knew that he would be in this 'mood' for a while. 

"Bokuto. Later. We need to get ready. You know that konoha will be here at least thirty minutes early, so there's no time to waste" the comment made bokuto pout, and Akaashi's heart swelled. Akaashi smiled faintly and affectionately at bokuto before pressing a small kiss to the base of Bokuto's earlobe. "I'm sorry. We can do more once everyone leaves" bokuto lit up. 

"Promise?" Bokuto asked. 

"Promise." Akaashi responded. 

Akaashi managed to get bokuto out of his pouty mood and back to getting ready in record time. Bokuto was a person that needed lots of affection and reassurance, and akaashi knew bokuto enough to know when it was needed and when he needed a firmer hand. 

About thirty minutes later, they were ready for their guests, just in time for the early risers to knock on their door. 

People started filtering in around ten, starting with konoha, followed by komi and washio. Soon the entire team was there, huddled around the table eating good food and talking about their high school days. 

They talked for what felt like hours, but in reality their original set time of eleven hadn't even come around yet. Akaashi didn't really like parties very much, so he was happy with staying in the kitchen and making sure everyone had what they needed and leeching off the laughter coming from the other room. 

Akaashi was in a relaxed conversation with konoha when he heard the commotion in the other room. 

"WHAT!? WHAT DO YOU MEAN!? ARE YOU OK WHERE ARE YOU?" 

A shock jolted up akaashi's spine. Everything in his body was saying that something was  _ very  _ wrong. He bolted out of the room with a speed that most people didn't see akaashi move at. 

The room had gone quiet at this point, everyone staring at bokuto. 

"It's not you!? What do you mean?" 

"Bokuto" akaashi said quietly. Bokuto turned to face him and akaashi could see the dull fear in his eyes. Something was  _ definitely _ wrong. 

After about a minute of whoever was on the other side of the phone talking, bokuto finally spoke. "We'll be there in ten minutes" he said, and then hung up. 

Akaashi waited patiently for some kind of explanation. 

"It was kuroo." Akaashi sucked in a breath. "A friend of his blacked out and he had to call an ambulance. He...sounded pretty upset. He wanted to know if I could drive him to the hospital." 

Akaashi nodded. Bokuto nodded. They both headed to get ready to go. 

"Sorry everyone. You guys can stay here and have a good time. Bye everyone!" Bokuto and akaashi quickly hurried out of the door and rushed to the car. Akaashi hopped into the driver's seat and bokuto sat in the front. 

They didn't speak, too anxious for words. They simply drove in tense silence, desperate to get to their friend. 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tysm for reading! 
> 
> As always comments and criticism are welcome! 
> 
> Ty!


	11. Something more- part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soemthing happens that causes a shift in kuroo and kenma's relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo! Heres a full length chapter for ya!
> 
> Reminder that im still taking requests on this story! Please comment what you'd like to see in the future!
> 
> Thank you all for reading!!

**Kuroo pov**

The twenty minute drive to the hospital was way too long in kuroo's opinion. 

Bokuto had tried his best to console his friend with little luck. Kuroo was simply too upset to be ok right now. 

Bokuto and akaashi were a bit confused. They had no idea that kuroo had taken someone into his home, someone that he obviously cared about enough to be this shaken up about him. According to Bokuto's memory, Kuroo had only met the guy a few days ago. 

Bokuto and akaashi tried not to think too much about it. Kuroo needed his friends right now, not people questioning him. 

As soon as akaashi parked in the hospital parking lot, kuroo got out as fast as he could. He was jittery from nerves, but he waited patiently for bokuto and akaashi to get out before going anywhere. 

Akaashi and bokuto just got more concerned. Who on earth could have kuroo so worked up? 

'Damn...kuroo's got it in deep for this guy' bokuto thought. 'I've never met the guy and Kuroo's this worried about him. Damn.' 

They basically sprinted into the hospital, rushing up to the front desk and towards a very indifferent desk worker. It looked like she'd been here a while, and also like people running towards her at a concerning speed was a pretty regular occurrence. 

Kuroo pretty much slammed his hands on the counter. "We're looking for a kenma kozume." The woman peered up from her computer, looking pretty annoyed at the sudden intrusion of her space. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't quite hear you right. Who are you looking for." 

"I said we're looking for a kenma kozume." Kuroo was getting angry at this point. Kenma could be freaking out right now without someone he knew to calm him down! 

"Ah….right." the lady typed at her computer for a moment. "Looks like he's under intense treatment right now and is currently unconscious. He's not open for visitors just yet. Feel free to wait here and I'll call you when he's open." Her voice was too calm for kuroos liking, like kenma was just another number in the system. 

Kuroo's frustration only grew as he huffed in his seat, with bokuto sitting on his right and akaashi to his left. They picked up on kuroo's growing annoyance over waiting and tried their best to console him. 

Bokuto basically slapped kuroo's shoulder. "I'm sure he'll be fine. Right akaashi?" Bokuto turned to his boyfriend for help. "Bokuto's right. He's probably fine. 

Kuroo took in a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart. "I know i know. He's just…" kuroo paused. Should he tell them such a personal thing about kenma, someone they haven't even met yet? They might end up thinking bad things about kenma before they even see each other for the first time. 

He quickly pressed the thoughts out of his mind. He knew bokuto and akaashi, they wouldn't do something like that. They were always the most accepting and loyal people in kuroo's life, a constant in an ever changing environment.

Kuroo sighed before continuing. "He's...a really anxious person. I think something bad happened at a hospital to him once, cause when i suggested we come here he panicked so much he blacked out." 

Bokuto and akaashi looked at each other knowingly. Kuroo had been through something similar years ago, plagued by anxiety and depression. It suddenly clicked why Kuroo was being really over the top with this stranger. 

"Hey. He'll be just fine. It's ok." Akaashi rubbed kuroo's back, hoping and praying it helped. The look that kuroo gave him, teary-eyed and filled with another emotion that akaashi couldn't quite pinpoint, broke akaashi's heart in two. He nearly started crying himself seeing his friend in such a state. 

The way that kuroo affected akaashi made bokuto more worried. Akaashi didn't really show too many emotions on the outside, choosing instead to show his affections by actions or physical contact. So when he saw his boyfriend's face contort into an unpleasant expression, Bokuto instinctively put a reassuring hand on his back, looking at him with a kind smile that said 'I'm here.' 

"He could...he could be...what if he's worse then i was? It...I've only seen some of it but it's bad. Really bad. It was bad enough for him to  _ black out  _ for fucks sake!" Kuroo's voice cracked as tears threatened to spill. 

Akaashi drew in a deep breath before pulling kuroo towards him and pulling him into a hug. Bokuto picked up on what akaashi was doing and hugged kuroo from behind, resting his head on kuroo's shoulder. 

"I'm really sorry kuroo." Bokuto managed to say. 

"We can't promise anything." Akaashi said between breaths. "But we will always be by your side." 

It was akaashi's words that pushed kuroo over the edge and he started to sob. It was ugly and too loud for a public place, but kuroo didn't care. Just the thought of another human being going through the same thing he did shook him to his core. 

'This guy...he's been through this for over two year. I can't imagine.' He thought sadly. 

They sat waiting for almost two hours, and kuroo was getting too restless. He was constantly tapping his fingers and his leg was shaking non stop. His eyes constantly danced between the floor, akaashi, bokuto, and the entry door to the back rooms. 

Akaashi and bokuto tried their best to help him. bokuto tried to show kuroo videos of cute animals on his phone, but it only held kuroo's attention for a few minutes before he went back to his anxious behavior. Akaashi had Kuroo listen to relaxing music on his headphones, but that didn't last long either. 

About thirty minutes after bokuto and akaashi stopped trying to distract kuroo, a doctor came into the waiting room. 

"Is there a...Kuroo Tetsurou here?" The man shouted into the waiting room. Kuroo shot out of his seat and practically ran up to the doctor. "Thats me! Is kenma ok where is he!?" Kuroo's voice was way too loud for a hospital waiting room. Bokuto and Akaashi were right behind him, ready to follow him if they were allowed.

"Hold on now. He's fine and recovering. He had a bad flu, and was dehydrated. We can talk more in the room about err…other issues in the room. Kenma specifically asked for you so if you could follow me please." the doctor said before turning around towards the door. 

"W-wait." Kuroo stuttered out. "Can my friends come too? I don't.

..i don't think i can see him myself." Kuroo's head hung down in defeat and embarrassment. 

"Of course young man. Now follow me please" 

kuroo's eyes lit up just a small bit. 

_______________________________

**Kenma pov**

The hospital sucked, kenma thought. 

He decided hospitals sucked when he was fourteen, when his dad nearly beat him half to death. He decided after that day that he would avoid hospitals at all costs. 

But here he was, coughing up a storm with a needle sticking in his arm that hurt like a bitch when he moved it.

His mind was plagued with anxiety, thinking about what was going to happen to him. He thought about his parents, how he never removed them from his emergency contact list and that they might have been called and might be on their way right now. 

'They probably don't care enough about me to come.' he thought. 'They have better things to do then come and see the kid they abandoned in the hospital.'

Kenma was still wrapped up in his thoughts when he heard a sharp knock on the door. He tilted his head to see the doctor from before with kuroo right behind him. 

"Kenma!" Kenma could see Kuroo's face light up as he practically ran towards him and wrapped him in the most gentle, living hug Kenma has ever had in his entire life. Kenma was startled by the sudden touch, but couldn't help but smile at the affection. He felt odd after kuroo's eyes widened and he pulled away, flustered. He immediately missed the warmth that kuroo provided. 

"Sorry sorry." Kuroo said shyly, rubbing the back of his head like he always did. "How are you? Do you feel any better?" Kuroo's voice was saturated with worry, and Kenma wanted to do nothing more than to comfort him. 

"I'm doing Alright" kenma's voice was ragged from all the coughing. "The doctors gave me an IV so I'm feeling much better." Kuroo gave him one of his dazzling smiles and kenma couldn't help but blush. 

It was then that he noticed the two men behind kuroo that he didn't know. They were dressed in street clothes so they definitely weren't doctors or nurses. Kenma turned shy at the thought of strangers staring at him getting flustered over his new friend. 

Kuroo noticed kenma eyeing them and his eyes widened slightly in realization. 

"Ahhh kenma! These are my best friends, the one with the frosted tips is bokuto, and the other one's akaashi!" Kenma recognized the names from some of kuroo's stories. Bokuto was just bright as kuroo described, and akaashi looked a bit disgruntled at being called 'the other one.' 

"Hey hey man! Good to finally meet yah!" Bokuto enthusiastically reached his hand out for a handshake. Kenma took his hand to be treated with the roughest handshake kenma had ever experienced. He nearly flinched at how tightly bokuto held his hand, and almost died when bokuto nearly shook his arm arm right off. 

"I-its nice to meet you too…" kenmas voice was oddly timid and quiet and It reminded kuroo of the first time they ever spoke. "I've heard lots about you." Bokuto eyes seemed to sparkle at the comment. 

"Awww bro! You talk about me!?" Bokuto spuntto face kuroo. Kuroo smirked. "Of course bro! Who else would i talk about?" Kuroo shrugged his shoulders like it was the obvious thing in the world. 

Akaashi sighed before holding his own hand towards kenma. Kenma took it before, once again, talking before thinking. 

"You're the 'boyfriend' right. Ive heard about you too." Kenmas face quickly turned red. It hit him that maybe he shouldn't of pointed that out as soon as it left his mouth. 

But to his surprise, akaashi just chuckled. "Yeah. I suppose that's me." 

After introductions where done, the doctor talked. He stood off to kenma right with a clipboard in hand. 

"Allright then. Kenma kozume correct?" Kenma nodded. 

"You had a bad case of the flu. You're free to leave when you're done with that IV if your fevers gone down. You where pretty dehydrated too, so when you get home please make sure to drink lots of water or sports drinks." Kenma nodded and the doctor wrote something down on his clipboard. 

"I do want to point out that you are severely underweight as well. You need to gain seventeen pounds to be at a healthy weight." The doctor looked up at kenma and he knew exactly what the doctor was thinking. That he was starving himself on purpose. 

"O-oh well i…" kenma turned away in embarrassment. "I was...homeless untill recently. Ive...only been living with a friend of mine for a few days now." The doctors eyes shifted to look at the other three, and then back at kenma. "Ah. I see." The doctor wrote more. 

Kenma felt bad for basicly shifting the blame over to kuroo, though he doubted that kuroo himself picked up on that. 'How could these good young men let their good friend starve on the street like that' said kenmas fake 'doctor inner dialogue.'

"Anyway." The man looked up from his clipboard. "As i said before you're free to leave when this IV finnishes. It should take a few hours. Be sure to drink lots of fluids and rest up. No work for the next four days and no sports activities or other strenuous work for the next week. The flu you had can do a number on your lungs so its important to let them rest. Please make sure you're eating three meals a day from now on. Food high in protein and carbs will help you gain weight. Ill be back in a couple of hours to check up on you." The doctor bowed before seeing himself out of the room. 

As soon as the doctor was gone, kuroo turned to look at kenma with a wildly animated face. 

"Hear that! We get to go home soon!" Kuroos arms waved around wildly. Kenma smiled somewhat, unable to not be affected by kuroos infectious positive attitude. 

The next few hours went by relatively quickly. Kuroo and bokuto told lots of jokes and stories to help pass the time, while akaashi made shure they didn't get each other too worked up. 

"And this  _ idiot _ , this  _ goddamn idiot  _ set the oven to 550° instead of 450° and the cake goes up and flames! And then akaashi walks in..." Kuroo was talking about akaashis nineteenth birthday when bokuto tried to bake him a cake and nearly burned their appartment down. 

Kuroo was in the middle of his sentence when the doctor walked back in. 

"Hello kenma. Im here to take your IV out." He said in a calm voice. "How are you feeling. And pain while breathing or shortness of breath?" 

Kenma shook his head, and the doctor nodded. "Alright then." He placed his clipboard on the the beside table. 

"This will pinch a bit. But only for a second." Kenma nodded again to say that he was ready for whatever he was about to do. 

Taking the IV out didnt hurt as much as kenma thought. It was over in just a few seconds, and he was grateful to not have a sharp peice of metal stuck in his arm. 

"Allright kenma. Please sign this and your welcome to leave whenever you wish." The doctor handed him the clipboard he was holding before. Kenma signed it quickly without reading it an immediately tried to get out of bed. 

"Hey now. Ill get you a wheelchair. You're probably still pretty weak after the IV." The doctor said. 

It was obvious that kenma was annoyed at the prospect of being here any more then he have to, but he simply nodded and let the doctor go to fetch a wheelchair. 

Kenma was obviously anxious, his eyes darting around and his left art rubbing at the wrapped up spot that the IV was in. Kuroo unconsciously placed a soothing hand on kenma's shoulder. Kenma nearly melted at the touch. He had been so touch starved after all this time and any sense of physical contact did that to him. 

Bokuto and akaashi peeres over at each other. 'He's really got it deep for this guy doesn't he' they both thought. 

Despite being a pretty sociable guy, kuroo didnt let alot of people get too close to him. He got along with alot of people, with hinata and kageyama, even oikawa, but he never really opened up to anyone on the team or his other friends about his past. The only ones that really knew where akaashi and bokuto. So seeing kuroo get touchy and expressive with another person shocked them both.

The doctor returned quickly with the wheelchair, and kenma hopped into it quickly, wrapped snuggly in one of the hospital blankets to protect him from the cold. 

Kuroo's heart nearly jumped out of his chest when he saw him. He found the sight of kenma sleepy eyes and flushed cheeks adorable, even though the thought of kenma suffering made him a little queasy. 

Bokuto a kuroo joked around as kuroo pushed kenma out to the car. Akaashi made sure that kenma was comfortable, picking up his blanket when it started to fall to prevent the wheels from getting stuck and wrapping his own scarf around kenma's neck. 

Kenma was greatful, nodding in quiet appriciation. Akaashi simply smiled. A silent 'your welcome' in response. 

Getting to the car, kuroo opened the back door and helped him into the car, the grip around kenmas waist made the smaller man's heart skip a beat. 

Bokuto and akaashi piled into the car, with akaashi driving and bokuto in the passenger side seat. Kuroo, of course, sat in the back with kenma. The back was kinda small, and kuroo and kenma were nearly pressed up against each other.

Kenma fell alseep almost immediately, his head tilted and resting on kuroo's shoulder. 

Kuroo smiled fondly at the smaller figure, wrapping his arms around kenma's waist gently. He didnt want to push his boundaries while also giving kenma whatever comfort he needed. God knows he needed someone when he was going through what he did. 

Bokuto was messing around like usual but akaashi could sense the tone shifting the air. He had the sneaking sensation that what ever was going on between kuroo and kenma was nearly intimate, even more so when kenma basicly snuggled into kuroo's side and let out a short, content breath. 

There was one thing that akaashi and bokuto knew. Kuroo was slowly, but surely, falling in love with kenma. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey! Tysm for reading! I appreciate all y'alls comments! They really keep me going when i get down or have writers block so thank you;-;
> 
> As allways, comments and criticism are welcome! I didn't really edit this chapter so if you see something wrong please do tell:) 
> 
> Ty!!!


	12. Soft but solid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo takes care of kenma. Akaashi knows whats going on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello hello! 
> 
> I hope y'all like this chapter! I tried my best to improve my writing during this particular chapter. I also got my laptop up and running so writting is taking longer but is getting easier!
> 
> This chapter is pretty much 95% fluff:) a lil break from the angst!! 
> 
> Reminder that im still taking suggestions on this story!! Please comment if there's something specific you would like to do!
> 
> Thank you and please enjoy!!

**Akaashi pov**

The ride home wasn’t anything special.

Kuroo and bokuto joked around, keeping the mood light and friendly. Kenma stayed curled up around kuroo, his soft snores filled the car and seemed to comfort everyone that he wasn't suffering enough to stay restly awake. Akaashi was as calm as ever, his eyes focused solely on the road in front of him. Akaashi was renowned as the best driver in his friend group, and he would like to keep that title. 

The drive itself was only twenty minutes long, but they all wanted to go home and get kenma a place to rest. Even though his fever had gone down and the doctor had given him the all clear to leave, he was still sick and needed to sleep and get something to eat. 

Akaashi parked in front of Kuroo’s apartment to let them out, getting as close to his front door as he could to make it easier for them. Kuroo tried to get out first, but kenma was basically stuck to him like glue. Unable to move too much, Kuroo tucked his arms under Kenma’s legs and lower neck while Bokuto got out and helped them get out and into the house. Akaashi didn't miss the affectionate smile that Kuroo made towards Kenma when he found him still wrapped himself. It was an unmistakable expression that bokuto sometimes made towards akaashi when he caught him doing something ‘soft’ or ‘cute’ as bokuto described it. 

Bokuto followed kuroo up the stairs to make sure they didn't fall and to help kuroo open his door. Kuroo walked into the mudroom before thanking bokuto for his help. Bokuto enthusiastically responded before closing the door and being left to his own devices.

\------------------------------------------------------------

**Kuroo pov**

As soon as kuroo entered his apartment, his sole mission was making kenma as cozy and comfortable as he could possibly make him. 

He slipped into his own bedroom slowly and quietly, careful not to accidentally bump kenmas legs or head into anything that might hurt him or wake him up. Kenma needed as much rest as he could get, and he didn't want to jeopardize that for him.

He managed to move the covers out of the way and place kenma gently on the bed without rattling him too hard. He chose his bed because he knew that his bed was much better to sleep in then the one in the guest bedroom. He hadn't spent nearly as much money on the spare bedroom then he had in his own. He mostly used it for storage of his old chemistry books that he liked to read for fun from time to time. (he knew it was weird but he didn’t care) and the only time the bed was ever used is if a friend of his needed a place to sleep for a night or two or if bokuto and akaashi got in a fight and needed a night apart. He didn't really have a reason to spend a lot of money making the bed really comfortable until now. He made a mental note to buy something that would help with that the next time he was out. 

To his surprise, kenma didn't stir at all. He stayed completely still, a peaceful expression on his face. Kuroo hoped that if he was dreaming, that it was a good dream.

Kuroo fussed over kenma for a few minutes, trying to make sure that he wouldn't wake up with a sore back or something before heading to the kitchen to try and find something for kenma to eat and drink after we woke up. He opened the fridge to be met with a half empty carton of eggs, a week old box of take out, and a shelf filled with nothing but condiments. He sighed as he remembered he hadn't been grocery shopping in several weeks and didn't have anything that kenma could eat to help him feel better. 

He thought for a moment over what he should do. He didn't want to leave kenma by himself, he had just gotten out of the hospital after all. but he honestly couldn't think of any other way to get kenma what he needed. 

He wrote a quick note that he would be back soon and taped it on the back of his room's door before heading out. He ran over to the nearest convenience store, a seven eleven about a five minutes walk away. He ended up startling the poor cashier when he nearly slammed the door open in a hurry. He quickly gathered up some canned soup and gatorade checked out. He returned home in record time, hoping that kenma was ok.

He opened the door to be met with a quiet apartment and he quickly took a sigh of relief. 

He tiptoed over to the bedroom and peaked inside. Kenma was exactly where he had left him, laid out on his back with his hands off to his side. Kuroo noticed that kenma was sweating and decided to get something to help him cool off. 

He dropped the bags he was carrying to the kitchen and placed them on the counter. He took a kitchen rag from its spot in a drawer and doused it in cold water. He hurried back to the bedroom and frowned at kenma's slightly pained expression. He draped the cold rag over kenmas forehead and felt better after kenmas face softened at the touch. 

Satisfied that he could bring kenma some relief, he settled back to the living room to wait and let kenma rest. He sprawled his body over the couch and scrolled through instagram and twitter while the other man slept.

It was about thirty minutes later when kuroo decided to check up on kenma. He walked over to the door and creaked it open. He was surprised when golden eyes turned to look at him. 

“Kuroo.” the soft voice said. It was laced with sleepiness, like he'd just woken up a few seconds ago.

Kuroo smiled and walked over to the bed. “Hey. how are you?” kuroo sat himself on the edge of the bed so he was nearly sitting directly in front of kenma. 

Kenma looked around a bit before responding. “Where am i?” it dawned on kuroo that kenma hadn't seen his room before. 

“Oh! It’s my room!” kuroo gestured around him. “I don't use the guest bedroom a lot so it's not as comfy as the one in here. You looked like you could use some extra peaceful sleep.” 

Kenma blushed at the comment. “You...didn't have to do that...but thank you.” 

“Hey, it's no problem! Mi casa tu casa or however the saying goes.” kuroo jokes, trying to lighten the mood. “Are you feeling any better? Any pain anywhere?” kuroo asked before placing his hand on kenmas forehead. “It feels like your fevers gone down. That's good at least.” Kuroo could feel the small beads of sweat that poured down the side of kenmas face, but instead of being grossed out it just made him more worried.

“I'm feeling better, thank you.” kenma responded. His eyes were droopy like he was about to fall asleep, but his breathing remained at the same labored rate. 

“Hey. you can go back to sleep in just a second. Just drink some of this first.” kuroo handed him the bottle of gatorade that he had placed on the bedside table earlier. 

Instead of doing what he needed to do, kenma turned his head and pouted. “I'm not thirsty,” he said. 

“Come on kenma, the doctor said lots of fluids remember?” kuroo gestured once again with the bottle, trying not to blush at how cute kenma looked when he pouted. 

Kenma rolled over on his side so he was turned away from kuroo. His hair was a mess, tangled into small knots. Even after his recent haircut, his hair was still fairly long, reaching his shoulders. Kuroo wanted to do nothing more than to run his hands through that hair until it was the smooth and silky soft that he knew it was when treated properly. 

‘Enough of that kuroo’ he thought ‘snap out of your gay crisis and help the guy out will yah?’ 

“Kenmmmaaaaa” kuroo whined. “You need to drink something. You don't want to have to get another IV do you?”

Kuroo saw golden eyes peek out over a lanky shoulder and he knew he had one. Kenma sat up slowly with help from kuroo and took the bottle from his hands.he took a small swig of the drink before handing it back to kuroo.

“Happy?” kenma asked. 

Kuroo smirked. “Very.”

Kuroo capped the bottle and set it on the bedside table. “I'll be in the living room. Call me if you need anything ok? I'll check on you soon.get some sleep ok.” kuroo flashed an affectionate smile before standing up and leaving.

\------------------------------------

**Kenma pov**

Kenma slept for another hour before kuroo woke him up again. 

Kuroo probably knew by now that kenma was always,  _ always  _ grumpy and out of it in the minutes after he woke up, but for some reason kenma didn't mind being woken up this time. Maybe it was the super soft bed that tamed his mood, or the fact that he was hungry enough that he might have woken up soon on his own, but it was probably the fact that he was pretty much flourishing under the nearly intimate attention that kuroo was giving him. 

Kenma had pretty might resigned himself over the fact that he had a crush on kuroo. There was no denying it at this point, the way that his heart skipped a beat when kuroo touched him and how his stomach flipped into knots when he did something particularly cute all pointed in that direction. He honestly didn't know what to do about it except become utterly frustrated at himself. He knew that kuroo likely didn't feel the same or even close to the same. All the small touches and caring smiles were likely just part of kuroo’s personality. It was just platonic, right?

Kenma couldn't help but think otherwise when kuroo woke him gently, a calloused hand moving slowly on his forehead and soft words spoken in his ear. When kenmas eyes cracked open, he didn't experience any of the haze that usually came with him just having woken up. He felt well rested, like he had gotten the perfect amount of sleep to start a new day. 

“There you are.” kuroo said with his usual over animated face. “We need to take your temperature, and you need to drink something. You should probably eat something too.” 

Kenma nodded and let kuroo do his thing, sliding the thermometer under his tongue and waiting patiently for what it said. 

“One hundred and two point four. Lower than your temp at the hospital.” 

“That good” kenma managed to croak out. His throat was surprisingly dry for someone who hasn't had anything to drink in an hour.” Kuroo hesitated at the sound of kenmas voice. 

“Here's some more gatorade.” kuroo handed him the bottle from before. Kenma nearly chugged half of its contents down in one go. 

“How are you feeling?” kuroo asked when kenma took the bottle away from his lips. He took the bottle from kenma, capping it before putting it back on its place on the bedside table. 

“Better now that i've slept. Nothing hurts or is bothering me in particular if that's what you're asking.” 

Kuroo nodded. “Good good. Do you want something to eat?” 

“Yes. please.” kenma hadn't eaten since yesterday. He had gotten used to not eating very much out in the streets, but it still didn't make hunger any less plestent. 

Kuroo stood up. “I've got some soup for you. I would make it fresh but I haven't been to the store recently so…” kuroo rubbed the back of his neck. 

“Anything is fine. Thank you kuroo.” kenma smiled faintly. 

Kuroo seemed pleased with the response. “I'll be right back ok?” he said before swiftly leaving the room.” 

\-------------------------------------------

**Kuroo pov**

The next few hours were spent completely doting over kenma. 

Kuroo couldn't help it. Kenma was too endearing  _ not  _ to help. Everything that kenma did made him just want to spoil him more. 

Kuroo tried to pry himself away from kenma, he really did. But no matter what he did, he just couldn't leave him alone for too long. He had a feeling that kenma probably would like to be left alone, but even then he couldn't stop checking on him to take his temperature and give him water every thirty minutes to an hour. Eventually, night fell and it was time for them to go to sleep for the night. 

Kuroo ended up taking the guest bed, not wanting to bother kenma and not wanting to catch whatever god awful flu bug he had managed to get. 

The night went alright, kuroo woke up once to make sure kenma was still alive before falling back asleep, but he slept through it otherwise. 

It wasn't the night that worried kuroo the most however. It was the next day. 

He ended up waking up an hour and a half before he needed to leave for practice to check up on kenma and make sure he had everything he needed before he left. He was worried about leaving kenma alone, but he had already had a long weekend because their coach had a family emergency across the country.

“Are you sure youll be ok? I can always call out...” 

“Kuroo. I'll be fine. My fever’s almost gone and I'm feeling much better. There's no need to worry.” honestly, kenma still felt pretty bad. But he was confident in his ability to take care of himself for a few hours. He really wanted kuroo to stop worrying so much so he could go back to sleep already. 

“Are you one hundred percent sure? Like one hundred percent, none of that ninety nine percent bullshit.” it was obvious to anyone that could have seen that kuroo was more than worried about kenma. He was talking like he was scared for the other man's life, like if he left kenma might be dead when he came back.

“Kuroo. I'll be fine. If you don't leave soon you'll be late. Go.” 

Kuroo let out a lengthy sigh. “If you're sure…”

“Im sure”

“just ...ill text you during lunch to check up on you.”

“Ok. ill try and respond” 

Kuroo nodded “alright. Well…” kuroo looked between kenma and the door like he was still trying to make a decision..

“Kuroo,”

“Allright allright Im’ leaving. Make sure you drink lots and eat something when I'm gone. I'll be back at four thirty, five at the latest.”

“Ok”

“Call me if you need me to come home or if you need anything on the way back.”

“Ok”

“I'll leave bokuto's number in case”

“Kuroo.” the sound of his name snapped him out of his ramble. “Go to practice. I'll be fine here on my own.” 

Kuroo put his hands in the air in defeat. “Ok ok, i'm leaving for real this time. Promise,” kuroo turned towards the door. “I'll see you, kenma.” he waved as he headed through the door frame

Kenma rested his head back onto the bed, resting his eyes. 

“I'll see you too, kuroo.”

\----------------------------------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey!! 
> 
> Tysm for reading!! I hopenyou enjoyed this chapter!!
> 
> Ty!!


	13. Isn't lovely, all alone?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes being alone is too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey!
> 
> I hope you like this chapter! It was really hard to write for me so im sorry if its akward at times^^ 
> 
> Im still taking requests on this story and on one shots! Please comment what you would like to see and i might includr it:)
> 
> Ty and enjoy!!

**Kuroo pov**

Practice was a mess. 

It started when kuroo entered the gym and was greeted by bokuto, who wanted to talk about kenma. Kuroo had tried his best to keep his mind off of his new friend, and that all came crumbling down in seconds. 

“Hey hey hey!” bokuto shouted when he saw kuroo come through the gyms double doors. He bounded up to Kuroo like he was a dog that had been missing for months. “How's the guy huh? Is he still sick?” 

“Oho? A guy huh?” a familiar arm slung around his shoulder. “You never told me you had a boyfriend! What's he like? Is he cute?” 

“GWAH! Kuroo-san! You have a boyfriend?!” asked a very excited hinata 

“I do  _ not  _ have a boyfriend.” kuroo slipped out from the grip. “Oikawa. Shouldn't you focus on your own relationships first? Last I heard you and iwaizumi weren't doing so good, ``Kuroo said in a defensive tone. Oikawa pouted and looked at kuroo like a kicked puppy. “Meanie” he said quietly before turning to go and practice whatever.

“Woah man. Don't you think that was too much? it was just oikawa being oikawa” bokuto shrugged. It was true, oikawa liked to tease everyone he knew about their relationships and everything else he knew about them. It was just a part of oikawa's nature at this point and everyone on the team would be worried if he  _ wasn't  _ teasing someone. 

Kuroo groaned, frustrated at his own attitude. “I know i know...i shouldn't have said that…” he pinched the bridge of his nose. “He's just...still sick and I'm really worried about him. He said he's ok by himself but…” kuroo sighed, unsure of how to finish his thought. 

“Who's ‘he’?” asked a very confused hinata. 

“Ah well…” kuroo rubbed the back of his neck. “It's kind of a long story, a friend of mine is staying with me for the time being. He got really sick over the weekend and was in the hospital.” 

Hinata looked shocked. “Wah!! That sounds awful! Is he ok?” hinata gestured wildly with his hands. 

Kuroo waved him off. “Yeah he's ok. I'm just worried about him not taking care of himself is all. He seems like the type to do that.”

The rest of the team who was overhearing the conversation were more confused than hinata. They had never heard of kuroo having friends that weren't connected to the team in some way. At least, not they had met before. Kuroo was a very social person, and all of his friends knew all of his other friends. Even if they had never really met, all of kuroo’s friends at least knew of each other through shared stories or they might have been acquainted at some party or get together. 

The team was immediately intrigued by this mystery friend that kuroo had never talked about until now. They were all filled with determination to find out who this person was and find out why Kuroo had never talked about him. 

“Huuuh? Who's this mysterious new roommate anyway? You've never talked about him before.” noya pointed at kuroo accusingly. Kuroo, usually more mentaly tough than almost anyone else on the team, nearly crumbled under the pressure. 

Kuroo didn't know what to say. He knew that the true story would freak some of them out, especially daichi and asahi. “O-oh well uh…” kuroo muttered out. “We should start warming up. The coach will be here soon, ``Kuroo said, completely avoiding the question. He walked away like there wasn’t anything left to say.

The team was even more confused. Daichi and Asahi looked at each other with a worried expression on their faces. Noya looked shocked that he had been pretty much shot down. Oikawa was still pouting in a corner, not really listening to what had happened. 

Practice went about as well as you'd expect. Kuroo was all over the place, missing serves and receives left and right and always checking his phone during breaks. It was another odd thing that kuroo did. He usually left his phone in the locker room so he didn’t get distracted, but today it seemed he couldn't put it down. Kuroo had always been dedicated, seeming only to volleyball, but something had obviously changed after he had come back from their long break. It was like something had shifted in kuroo core mannerisms and everyone knew.

Something was up with kuroo, and everyone needed to know.

\------------------------------------------------

Practice ended relatively quickly. 

Everyone was kinda anxious to get home, tired after not practicing for an extended period of time. Lots of players decided to take off right after it ended, even members who normally did stay after because their normal practice partners had already left. 

Kuroo was the first one out, to everyone's surprise. His face contorted as soon as the coach told everyone they could go and darted off to the locker rooms as soon as he could. He was glad that it wasn't his shift to help clean the gym. 

He managed to change at lightning speed and walked quickly out of the gym doors before anyone could catch him, even bokuto didn't make any attempt to get kuroos attention, knowing that kuroo was worried about kenma. 

As soon as he was outside, Kuroo pulled out his phone, selected Kenmas number, and chose the call button. He put the device up to his ear and waited for the other man to answer.

“H-hello?” kenmas voice cracked, and Kuroo nearly shook. 

“Kenma? Hey are you ok?” kuroos voice was obviously traced with worry. 

“I'm doing alright.” kenmas voice caught at the end of his sentence. kuroo didn't believe him. 

“Are you sure? Your voice sounds weird.” kuroo picked up his walking pace, trying to get home as soon as possible. 

“Sorry...” kenmas voice sounded on the verge of tears and Kuroo was practically running at this point.

“Kenma. Please tell me you're ok. Are you in pain? What happened?” kuroo was running at full speed, panting into the receiver. 

“I'm sorry…” kenma, unable to say anything else, started to cry. Kuroo could hear his choked sobs, and his stomach seemed to flip inside out. Something was very,  _ very _ wrong. 

“Kenma. I'm almost home ok. I'll be there soon. Do I need to call an ambulance?.” kuroo said hurriedly. Kuroo thought about having to take kenma back to the hospital again and he felt sick to his stomach. He didn't want kenma to ever go though that ever again, not if he could help it. 

“No…” Kenma said quietly and Kuroo nearly sighed in relief. 

Kenma continued to cry the entire way back. It sounded like he was physically hurt, and it scared kuroo to no end. He stayed on the phone until he was running up the stairs and into his apartment.

He hang up, telling kenma he was here, before he fumbled his keys into the lock.

**\------------------------------------------------------**

**Kenma pov**

Being home by himself was harder than kenma thought it would be. 

He had gotten used to someone taking care of him surprisingly quickly, and now he wanted nothing more then for kuroo to come back so he didn't have to get up and do things for himself. 

Kenma knew how to take care of himself. He got sick pretty frequently, especially after getting kicked out and he couldn't bathe or even wash up frequently or as good as he was used to. Kenma had gotten sick twice in the first three weeks he was on his own, and it sucked so much that Kenma thought about just laying down and dying for the first time in his life. 

He managed to get himself out of bed about three hours after kuroo left. His entire body felt like lead and he just wanted to go back to sleep. 

He somehow got to the kitchen to get a new bottle of gatorade and some advil for his seemingly ever present headache. His limbs seemed sore, but the doctor and google said that was a very common symptom of the flu so he didnt think too much about it. 

He slinked from the kitchen to the living room, turning on netflix so he could hopefully find something worthwhile to pass the time. He desperately wanted to turn on one of kuroo’s consoles and play  _ something, anything _ . He missed playing video games probably more than anything from his life before, but he had yet to talk to kuroo about that so he ultimately decided against it. He knew that lots of people didn't like other people touching their own personal gaming consoles, including himself, and he had no idea if kuroo was like that too. 

And so he laid sprawled on the couch, scrolling through show after show and movie after movie, unable to find something that caught his eye. 

It had been a long time since he could genuinely enjoy something. He still got excited about gaming, but he honestly didn't know if he would still be able to get into it if he picked up a controller again. It's been like this for about fours years now, long before his time on the streets. It had been scary at first, suddenly the games and volleyball that he had liked so much didn't affect him the same way they did before. He stopped playing his favorite games, desperately searching for something that made him happy. He was lucky to have volleyball. It was pretty much the only thing that was constant in his life, even when his parents didn't care he still had friends that kept him up. 

He found himself staring at the tv, desperately missing his old friends from high school. He especially missed his best friends, and he wondered where there were now. He hoped they managed to go pro, their hunger for the sport never ceasing to amaze him and the rest of the team. They definitely had what it took to do whatever they wanted to do in the volleyball world they wanted to. They could be on the other side of the world for all he knew, chasing their dreams in a country with better volleyball. 

He thought about reconnecting with them, since he wasn’t constantly fighting for his life and had a phone now. He hadn't had a phone since the day he became homeless, his dad smashing it against the wall when he tried to talk them out of making him leave. And with his phone, went his connections to his teammates. 

At some point, he found a show that he used to like and turned it on, deciding it was better than nothing. He wrapped himself up with the nearest throw blanket, which kuroo seemed to have a plethora of, and half watched the show for a few hours. 

Around one in the afternoon, kenma started getting texts from kuroo. He was expecting it, kuroo had said he would text him during his lunch break. what he did not expect, was the texts following them. They came for about two to three minutes every thirty minutes, and where always a short “how are you” to which Kenma would respond “I'm ok” as soon as he saw it. It took Kenma a while to realize that kuroo was probably texting him on his water breaks. 

Around the end of the day, kenma started thinking too much again. He realized just how  _ much  _ he missed being around other people. He had been so incredibly lonely that he'd gotten unhealthily used to it. He wanted Kuroo to come back and hug him and tell him that everything was going to be ok from now on, that things would change and Kenma wouldn't be plagued with constant thoughts worrying about dying and wanting to die at the same time.

And so, he started to cry. He cried at first because he realized that letting kuroo leave was a bad idea and that he just wanted him next to me so he would have an excuse to try and not bawl his eyes out. Then he cried with relief that he wasn’t homeless anymore, that someone had seen him suffering and had helped him up in his darkest moment. Then he cried because he wanted his friends back. He hadn't seen any of them in almost two years and he wanted to hug them more than anything, to know what they were up to. He hoped, he  _ prayed  _ that they remembered him. 

He cried for what seemed like days. He would calm down occasionally, just enough time to drink some water and attempt some of the breathing that kuroo had done before with him. It was useless however, and he soon turned into a blubbering mess. 

He was snapped out of his overwhelming thoughts by a phone call.

\-----------------------------------------------------

**Kuroo pov**

“Kenma!” kuroo shouted out as soon as he passed through the door. When there wasn't an immediate response, nearly every hair on his body stood up. “Kenma!” he shouted again. He was nearly choking on his words, a near animal instinct taking over. 

He barged into the living room, not bothering to take off his shoes as he turned his head frantically. He then heard a cracked cry come from a lump on the coach and when he turned to face it, he was met with one of the most heartbreaking things he'd ever seen, 

There was kenma, wrapped in a blanket, phone still in hand although slacked over and resting on one of the decorative pillows. His face was dripping with tears, the blanket soaked. He was shaking, his shoulders trembling as he continued to sob. 

“Kenma.” kuroo said in a quiet voice directly at kenma. Almost like he was snapped out of a trance, Kenma turned to face Kuroo, the most pained look Kuroo had ever seen in his eyes. 

“Kuro…” Kuroo practically flung himself forward, sitting himself right next to the other man, placing a reassuring hand on his back. He rubbed his hand in circles on his back, trying his best to calm him down. 

“Kenma. What's wrong?”

Kuroo flinched as kenma moved suddenly. He pressed his head into Kuroos chest and wrapped his arms around his waist. He continued to cry and shake, and kuroo quickly reciprocated the touch, snaking his arms under kenmas and hugging him as tight as he could. 

They stayed like this for about twenty minutes, kuroos hand had woven itself in kenmas hair, and it was just as soft as kuroo thought it would be. Of course, this isn't how kuroo would have liked to find out this particular piece of information, but he still subconsciously checked it off as a small victory. 

At some point, kenma pulled away. They stayed tangled together, neither of them separating more than was necessary. Kenma had managed to calm down now that kuroo had come back. 

“I'm sorry.” he said. “I just...i think being alone was harder than i thought it would be.” 

Kuroo frowned. “You were lonely?” people shouldnt react this way to being alone for a few hours, it wasn't healthy especially since they hadn't been living together for all that long.

Kenma nodded. “I was...i was thinking about my...old friends too…”

Kuroo gave kenma a thoughtful expression. “Well..tomorrow is friday. I have weekends off...if you want to come and observe practice tomorrow you can...no empty apartment if that'll help.” kuroo carded his hands through kenma's hair without thinking about it. Kenma seemed to lean into the affection. 

“Maybe...i don't want to impose”

“You wont you wont! I'm sure coach will be understanding. I won't tell him why, just that you want to come see practice and what it's like.”

Kenma turned away, thinking, before responding.

“Ok. i'll come.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter!
> 
> As allways, comments and criticism is welcome
> 
> Ty!!


	14. Deep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo falls deep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo!!! I hope you like this chapter! 
> 
> Also to that person i said to that kenma would meet the rest of the team this chapter, sorry i lied oof. 
> 
> Im still taking requests on this story! Please comment what youd like to see^^
> 
> Also wanted to clear some things up  
> -the city they live in is called south falls, a made up town somewhere in the us. Its based off trips inve taken to san Francisco and new york, as well living near dallas.   
> -kenma and kuroos relationship is going fast because they where ment to meet early in life and allway be togther but that never happened.   
> -i know that kenma seems kinda weak rn but that will change i promise. He just needs to grow some:) 
> 
> Ty!

**Kenma pov**

The next few hours were ok.

Kenma and kuroo stayed close together for another half hour, the contact seemed to soothe kenma in a way he didn't fully understand. They simply stayed sprawled on the couch, talking about what had happened. Kenma tried to better explain his anxieties to Kuroo, who was understanding about kenmas situation. Their conversation was mostly about things that made kenma nervous, and how kuroo could help him through those situations. They eventually talked about kenmas anxiety about being left alone. 

“I honestly don't know why I got so upset that you were gone. Something like that hasn't happened to me before.'' Kenma was leaning into kuroo touch, kuroos arm wrapped around his waist so gently that kenma barely registered its presence. 

Kuroo looked up in thought. “Hmmm” he reached his hand up so it was resting on kenmas shoulder. “I'm not sure either.” 

“I guess i just got so used to you being here…” kenma was flushed in embarrassment and his remaining fever. 

“I'm sure we can figure this out. Lets not worry too much about it.” kuroo sent a reassuring smile towards kenma. 

Kenma thought for a moment. Maybe this wasn't something that you can just not worry about. Maybe it was a one time thing and kenma didn't have to think about it. 

A sudden ache at the front of kenmas head made a small groan escape the back of his throat. He had nearly forgotten that he was still sick. Kuroos face contorted in worry, his hand tightening ever so slightly on kenmas shoulder. 

“You ok? You don't look too good.”

Kenma let out a sigh. “I just have a headache is all.” kuroos face fell into a more relaxed expression. “I can get you some advil or something if you want some.” 

Kenma didn't want the other to move, he was comfortable leaning against kuroo with his hand resting at the base of kuroo’s waist. He was hesitant to let him go, he wanted nothing more than to press himself closer like he had been when he had cried into kuroo’s shoulder earlier. He felt the safest when he was near kuroo, and he never wanted him anywhere else. 

He felt selfish. He knew that kuroo likely didn't feel the same way, and maybe kenma was just confused. Kuroo wasn't nearly as clingy as kenma was, at least that's what he thought. Kuroo didn't want anything more than friendship from him, he probably felt obligated to help kenma because he was living with him now. On top of it all, kenma didn't want to make kuroo uncomfortable and risk his new home. 

“Yeah. that would be great” kenmas smile was barely there, a small signal that kenma appreciated what kuroo was doing. 

“Alright. I'll be right back then.” kuroo slid away from kenmas grip, and kenma missed the warmth that kuroo provided immediately. It was a warmth that kenma didn't deserve and that he had not earned yet, kenma reminded himself. 

Kenma curled in on himself after kuroo left, his hands wrapping around his abdomen. He felt sort of dizzy from his remaining sickness, and he still felt feverish. Kenma focused on trying to will himself into feeling better, of course with little results. Luckily kuroo returned quickly, a bottle of advil in one hand and a glass of water in the other. 

“Hey I got the advil and...are you ok?” kenma saw kuroo’s face fall. Kuroo rushed over quickly. “You're looking kinda of pale and flustered…” Kuroo ran his hand against Kenma's forehead. “Feels like your fevers gone back up. We need to bring it down.”

Kenma felt like he was going to be sick. His anxiety and thoughts running wild probably affected him more then he realized. His breath picked up and caught in his throat, making him tear up. His eyes frantically moved around, trying to find something to throw up into.

“Hey now…” kuroo rested another hand on kenmas shoulder. 

“Im...gonna be sick.” kuroo’s eyes widened. “What? Like right now?” kenma nodded hesitantly. “Shit.” kuroo rushed out of the room, grabbing the bathroom trash can just in time for kenma to lose his lunch.

Kenma was trembling as he retched, his hand shaking. Kuroo rubbed his back, the small comfort making kenma grateful that he was here. He doesn't know what he'd do if he were alone and sick. His tent would be a mess, he wouldn't be able to move, he might have even died if he didn't accept kuroos offer that night. 

“Shhh, it's ok. No need to cry.” kuroo continued to rub his back, and kuroo looked at kenma with so much care that kenma felt his heart swell. 

Kenma didn't even realize that he was crying until kuroo pointed it out. His tongue tasted like salt and vomit, and he hated it. 

At some point, kenma stopped throwing up, dry heaving until his body had enough and he sat there panting over the trash can. He was absolutely exhausted at this point, his eyes just couldn't seem to stay open for very long and his limbs felt weak. 

“All done?” Kuroo asked, and Kenma could feel his cheeks heart up again. He felt much better now that it was all over, but he still felt sick. 

“Yeah.” he managed to get out. 

“Good. we need to get your temperature down now.”

Kuroo still worried about him even though he'd been nothing but an inconvenience up to this point. He couldn't help but ask himself why Kuroo helped him and doted over him so much.

He was thrust out of his thoughts when kuroo heaved him up to his feet. “You should take an ice bath to help you cool down.” Kuroo led him towards the master bathroom, which was even more lavish than the one in his room. 

Kuroo sat kenma on his bed. “I'll run the bath for you and get you some clothes. Just...stay here and i'll tell you when it's ready.” and then kuroo disappeared.

\--------------------------------------------------------------

The next few hours sucked. 

They managed to get kenmas fever back down after a cold bath. Kuroo had left kenma alone for privacy, and kenma had almost fallen asleep in the tub. He managed to get himself out and dressed before he drowned, and was currently huddled under the covers in kuroos room, shivering from his remaining fever and the tub. 

Kenma could hear Kuroos' voice drift in from the living room. His mind was kinda hazy, his brian felt like it was covered in fog, but he could still clearly hear what the other man was saying. 

“Hey man...I know it's late but...yeah it's about kenma...no bokuto...no...yeah well...his fever went back up. I don't think he needs the hospital again...no...well uh...i'm going to stay home tomorrow with him...i know i know...i'm not sure if i'll be at practice friday either. I need you...bokuto...no...bokuto...can you tell coach for me? I can’t get a hold of him...no im fine...no he's ok….bokuto please...i'll try ok...thank you...see yah too.” 

Kenma could hear kuroo sigh as he hung up. He didn't know bokuto very well, but even kenma knew that he was a very loud and out there kind of a guy. Even kuroo seemed easily exhausted by bokuto. It surprised kenma, kuroo seemed excitable and all over the place by himself, but bokuto seemed next level. Kuroo, it seemed, had a method to his madness while bokuto seemed to be even more random. 

Kenma felt a sting of guilt prick at his side. He didn't want to inconvenience any more than he already had. Kuroo had already given him so much, and kenma was more than grateful.

Kenma heard Kuroo walk towards him and Kenma pretended that he hadn't heard him talking to bokuto. He felt kinda weird that he had overheard someone else's private conversation. 

Kuroo peaked out through the doorway. “Hey. are you feeling any better?”

Kenma nodded and kuroo grinned.

“Awesome. I've got a present for you.” kuroo walked in and kenma could see kuroo holding a smallish rectangular box. It looked like a shipping package. Kenma sat up in excitement. He doesn't remember the last time someone he knew gave him an honest to god gift. Yes, kuroo had provided him with clothes and a phone and food and even though those could be  _ considered  _ gifts this was  _ different dammit _ . 

Kuroo easily picked up on kenmas excitement as he sat on the corner of the bed. “Hey don't move around so much. You'll get dizzy.” kenma simply nodded and kuroo laughed. 

“Here.” kuroo handed him the box. It was heavier then kenma thought it would be, and he heard something shifting around when he moved the box to its side. 

Kuroo looked at kenma with a cheerful grin. “Open it!” Obviously kuroo was also excited about the contents of the box, and if anyone were to look at their interaction someone might go as far to say that that kuroo was  _ more  _ excited then kenma was. Of course, kenma was simply not as expressive as the other man. Kuroo seemed to know this, and didn't seem to mind. 

Kenma took his time opening his gift. He made sure not to tossle it around in case it was something easily breakable. The tape seemed impossible to remove in his weakened state, but kenma was grateful that kuroo let him do it by himself. It was a small reminder that he was capable of at least something. 

After a few minutes of practically wrestling with the container, kenma finally managed to get it open. His face beamed when he saw what was inside. It was a small, Blue, nintendo switch lite. It was a new gaming system, released after Kenma had had to sell his old psp to survive. He had only heard vague things about it, mostly on bulletin boards and street ads that he'd seen while passing by. He never thought that he'd ever get to try one, more or less own one himself. Kenma was practically in tears at this point. He couldn't understand why anyone would be so nice to him, a person they barely knew. 

“I heard you saying you missed gaming. It's only the lite version, they were out of stock of the regular version. I think it'll get a lot of use regardless. I hope you like it.” kuroo rubbed the back of his head again. 

Kenma honestly didn't know what came over him, one second he was sitting on the bed and the next he was practically tackling kuroo. His arms wrapped tightly around kuroo’s middle and his head pressed into his shoulder. He was unable to talk, at a complete loss of words. 

“Woah! Kenma?” kuroo sounded worried. Kenma wasn't one to initiate much contact, and the only time he had was when he was upset. Kenma realized what was going on and pulled away, blushing. 

“S-sorry…” Kenma rubbed at his eyes, wiping the tears away on his sleeve.

“It's fine, it's fine! Are you ok?” kuroo, always worried. 

“Yes...sorry i was just so happy.'' Kenma showed Kuroo a small smile. Kuroo didn't know how to feel about it, but he knew that he wanted to see kenma smile forever. Kuroo’s face lit up knowing that he'd done something good enough for kenma to react like this. 

“I’m glad you like it. I know things kinda suck right now so I hope this helps you some.” 

“Thank you. I really...i really appreciate everything you've done for me.” 

“Oh oh! There's another surprise in there!” Kenma tilted his head and kuroos heart nearly burst out of his chest. 

Kenma took the switch out and under it was a brand new copy of animal crossing, as well as a fifty dollar credit to the switch store or whatever it was called. 

“Animal crossing?” 

“Yeah! You live on an abandoned island and make your own town! It's pretty chill so i thought you might like it!” kuroo was waving his arms around and kenma loved it. 

“I've never heard of it.” kenmas eyes lit up at the thought of playing a game he's never played before. Kenma was only able to play a select few games on his old psp, games were expensive so he'd have to save up for a long time to be able to afford one. During the time he'd had it, he'd only had three games. Two full price games and one that he found in the game stores bargain bin. He managed to take one of the games with him when he became homeless, the game that was already in there.

“Well i hope you like it.” kuroo smiled brightly, and kenma felt sick. 

\----------------------------------------------------------

**Kuroo pov**

Over the course of the next half hour, kuroo helped kenma set up his new switch. 

Kenma was obviously more excited then he let on. He'd been happy enough to hug Kuroo afterall. 

After they were done with setup and starting uo kenmas island, kenma started to get tired and wanted to sleep. So kuroo took his switch and put it in its charger before going to the kitchen to get himself something to eat. 

He sat on his couch, eating out of the instant ramen cup he’d made. There was some show on the tv, the one that Kenma had started when he was gone. He didn't really know what was going on, but it was about volleyball so he liked it. He'd probably start it over at some point and watch it all the way through. 

He took a moment to think about kenma. He thought of how the other man had been through too much, how it sounded like his parents used to abuse him in some way that contributed to his anxiety. He had pleaded with him to not take him to the hospital, which thoroughly freaked kuroo out. 

He didn't know what to do at this point. If Kenma was a regular friend, he would recommend them to a psychiatrist and would tell them that medication and therapy is the best start to stopping what was going on, but kenma wasn't a regular friend. 

Despite their budding relationship, even though kuroo and kenma didn't see it at the time, kuroo and kenma hadn't known each other for very long at all. It was obvious that kenma didn't really know what was going on, and he didn't want to freak him out.

Kuroo was at a loss. Kenma needed help, but kuroo was too scared to do what he needed to do. He decided he would talk to both bokuto and akaashi about it before doing anything. Bokuto knew how to speak his mind and akaashi was gentle and reasonable. They would know how to help him. 

After a few hours, it was starting to get late and kuroo needed to sleep. He slinked over to his bedroom to check on kenma one last time. 

He tiptoed over to where kenma laid on one side of the bed. He had rolled over and was taking up nearly half the bed. He looked comfortable snuggled up to one of the pillows. 

Kuroo walked up slowly and pressed his hand against kenmas forehead. He was glad when it felt cooler than before. 

He was about to turn to leave when a small voice reached his ears. 

“Kuro…” kuroo froze where he was before turning around quickly. 

“Kenma?” he asked. 

“Please stay.” kuroo could hear the anxiety in his voice. 

“Stay?” 

“Yes. please” kenmas breathing was oddly labored. 

Kuroo sucked in breath, turning towards the bed and sitting on the empty side. He had a king, there was enough room for them both to fit. But…

“Are you sure?” kuroo asked. 

Kenma nodded. 

Kuroo slid under the comforter. It was still warm from when Kenma was laying there. He turned so he was facing Kenma, his stomach twisting. 

Kenmas eyes were soft and lidded. Even though they were apart, kuroo felt like they were so close together. Kuroo wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around the younger man and protect him from the world forever. 

“Thank you.” and suddenly kenma was asleep, and kuroo fell in love. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey!
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter:) 
> 
> As allways, comments and criticism is welcome^^
> 
> Ty!!


	15. Warmth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo and kenma's morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey yall!
> 
> I promise im not dead lol ive just had the worst writers block ive ever had oof. 
> 
> Also i just got off my shitty anti depressants that i was in for like a month that just made me sick and even more depressed so expect a slight change in my writing (in a good way lol) 
> 
> Thanks so much for y'alls patience waiting for this chapter. Im sorry it's short, i decided to split this chapter in two so y'all can keep reading haha. Keep a look out for the next chapter, it'll be pretty big plot wise:) 
> 
> Thank you!!

**Kuroo pov**

The first thing kuroo noticed when he woke up was a warmth in his hand. 

It was surprisingly comfortable, like whatever was in his hand was there specifically made for him and him alone. He doesn't remember picking anything up before going to sleep , so the feeling was kinda odd. 

He didn't want whatever it was to go away, so he stayed still. He took in a deep breath, trying to fall back asleep. He wanted to stay like this forever and ever, whatever this feeling was he wanted to be here until he died. 

Unfortunately, a weight shifted in front of him, startling him to near consciousness.

Kuroo groaned slightly, wondering what could have possibly taken him out of this incredible slumber. 

He then noticed the warmth from his hand was gone. He whined at the sudden loss of contact before he felt the warmth return, this time resting gently on his chest and wrapped gently around his waist. He hummed and sighed in contentment, the feeling felt so much better when it was wrapped around him. He brought himself as close to the source of the warmth, trying to find out what it was, moving his hands around to feel where it was.

He felt something solid under his hand and nearly flinched. What? 

_ What? _

Kuroos eyes peaked open, a face full of blonde fluff meeting him. His mind swirled as he tried to figure out what was going on. 

It took a few seconds, but he finally remembered kenma asking him to stay last night. 

_ Fuck _

Kuroo almost shot up before noticing his position. 

Kenma was wrapped up around kuroo, curled up around his chest like a cat. Kenmas face was pressed against the crook of Kuroo's neck, and Kuroo could feel his breath warming the patch of skin in front of him. Kenmas arms were also around Kuroo's waist, pulling him closer. Kuroo would be lying if he said he didn't think it was adorable, but he was shocked at how close and intimate it felt. How  _ right  _ it felt. 

He smiled at how peaceful kenma looked, and he knew at that moment that he was meant to be here in kenma's arms. This was what he was supposed to be doing at this particular moment, his arms curled under kenmas sleeping form, feeling every breath he took. It was almost mesmerizing the way that kenma moved while he was resting, just his breathing seemed to rock kuroo back and forth into a sleepy daze. 

He knew he should have pulled away, gone out of the room and pretended that this never happened. Kenma would be none the wiser.

He decided against it in the end. He wanted to be here more than anything in the world, he wouldn't let anything stop him. 

He felt invincible in that moment, like he could take on the world and nobody could ever hope to stop him. Not his parents, not other people's expectations, not even himself could stop him. He was on top of the world with kenma next to him. 

He rested his head back down, the pillow soft underneath him. He scooted ever so closer to kenma, his chin resting gently on the other man's head. His hands slid up and rested slightly on kenma's back, holding him tight but not tight enough to wake him. 

His eyes closed, and he was asleep once again. 

  
  


_______________________________

**Kenma pov**

Kenma knew as soon as his eyes opened that today was an "off day" 

His brain seemed to be fighting against him, his eyes didn't want to be open. He wanted to sleep forever, or at least never move from where he was. 

He noticed where he was, curled up with kuroo, his face pressed into kuroo’s chest. Kenmas arms were snaked around kuroos waist, and kuroos head rested on kenmas head. Kuroo was snoring softly into kenmas ear, and kenma shivered at the warm breath that tickled the top of his head. He relished in the touch, loving the contact. But he hesitated, unsure.

Kenma knew he didn't deserve this. He hadn't done enough to receive something like this, something so special. He knew he needed to move before kuroo woke up, but he selfishly let himself stay there for just a moment longer, breathing in kuroo’s scent. He smelled like firewood and chocolate, a late night of s'mores around a fire with the stars above him and mountains behind him. It reminded him of simpler days, of his childhood where his parents took him camping in the hills and they would stay up late and talk about everything. 

He didn't want to move. He wanted to stay here forever. His position was so incredibly comfortable, so incredibly  _ right  _ that he truly felt like he had found his place in the universe. Wrapped around someone he loved and…

_ What?  _

The realization hit him like a ton of bricks. He  _ loved  _ kuroo? No...that couldn't be right. Kenma didn't fall in love this easily. Even if he did, it was always a quick crush that faded fast. But here he was, feeling like he'd found the meaning to life in another human being. 

Guilt immediately consumed him. He felt awful that he'd found such a complicated emotion in kuroo. He didn't deserve what kuroo had to offer him, and he certainly didn't have anything to offer back. He was still just a stupid kid that couldnt do anything right. 

A tear fell, and he couldn't stop after that. His body started trembling against his own will. He strained his muscles, trying to calm himself, but it wasn't any use. He couldn't stop crying. 

Something stirred next to him, and a quiet voice rang out. 

"Kenma?" Kuroos voice was soft and wrapped in sleep. It was obvious that kuroo didn't really know what was going on just yet, so kenma tried to stay quiet. Unfortunately for him, a whine escaped, another sob racking his body. 

Kuroo's eyes shot open, the arm under kenma shifting around. Kenma couldn't look at kuroo, embarrassment flushing his cheeks as another tear fell. He hated when other people saw him cry, but with kuroo the embarrassment was just a little less than normal. It's probably because kuroo's seen him cry before, kenma thought. 

"Kenma. Hey. What's wrong?" Kuroo was as worried about him as ever. Kenma didn't understand it, and he thought for a moment that he might never understand why kuroo worried so much about him. 

Kenma couldn't respond, his voice stuck in the back of his throat. He tried to speak, he really did, but when he did another broken cry came out instead. He peered his eyes open, bright red and bloodshot like he hadn't slept yet. Kuroos face contorted into yet another unreadable expression. It was a mix of worry and another feeling that kenma couldn't quite put his finger on. It was frustrating not knowing what kuroo was thinking, he usually knew what others were thinking but kuroo seemed like a mystery. 

Kuroo, body propped up by his elbow, placed a hand on kenmas arm. It wasn't much, but it gave kenma a small comfort. 

"Hey. Kenma. Please tell me what's going on." Kuroo traces his hand back and forth, trying to ground kenma the best he could. 

Kenma shook his head, not sure how else to respond. Words wouldn't come, and it was the most frustrating thing ever. 

"Kenma…" kenma responded by moving closer to kuroo, his face pressed to kuroos chest. It was the only place to hide his face. Kenma felt kuroo hold him close. His hands resting on his waist and through his hair. He felt safe like this, safer then he had in a long time. 

Kuroo carded his fingers through kenma's hair, trying to focus the other man. Kenma continued to cry, tears continuing to fall. Kuroo let out a frustrated sigh. He didn't know what else to do. He hated seeing kenma like this, that much he knew. For now, he thought, he would stay with kenma until he was calm enough to talk. 

They stayed like that for several minutes, kenma grasping onto kuroo’s shirt like his life depended on it. His tears soaked into kuroo’s shirt, and it just made kenma feel even worse. Now kuroo would have tear stains all over his shirt. 

Kuroo cooed gently in kenmas ear, whispering that it would all be ok and that whatever it was would go away eventually. He was so convincing, kenma almost started to believe him. The feel of kuroo’s breath on his ear warmed him up slightly. 

Eventually, kenmas sobs turned into quiet sniffles, and kuroo spoke. 

“Kenma? Are you feeling any better?” 

Kenma nodded. Crying had let out a lot of emotions that he'd been bottling up for a bit too long, and it helped kenma feel just a little bit better. 

Kuroo cracked a smile. “Good.” he sat up, and kenma missed kuroo’s touch immediately. 

Kuroo seemed to notice his discomfort, his mouth twisting slightly into a subtle frown. 

"I'll be right back ok?" Kuroo patted kenma's arm before darting out of the room. Suddenly kenma was very, very alone. 

Kenma closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep. That way he wasn't bothering kuroo anymore, and he might be able to feel more well rested on top of that. Unfortunately, kuroo came back far too early. He sat on the edge of the bed with a bottle of water and a small red pill in the other. 

"Here. You need to take this, you still feel feverish" kenma sat up slightly and kuroo handed him the pill and bottle. Kenma swallowed the pill easily and laid back down, sighing as he did so. Kuroo took his hand and rested it on kenma's shoulder and kenma shivered at the sudden cold touch. 

"Are you feeling better then yesterday? Physically I mean." 

Kenma took a second to think, and then nodded. 

"Good. Do you...think that you could tell me what's going on? Why were you so upset this morning?" 

Kenmas breath caught in his throat, his mind unable to come up with a viable explanation that wasn't too long or drawn out and wouldn't possibly scare off his new friend. So he simply shrugged instead. Kenma could hear the frustrated sigh that came from kuroo and he couldn't help but feel guilty about contributing to it. 

"It's ok if you don't want to talk to me about it. We just met after all, but in my experience it helps to tell someone what you're going through." 

Kenma wallowed through his thoughts for a moment before finally speaking. 

"I-i…" he swallowed, his throat unusually dry. Kuroo turned to look him in the eyes and kenma almost doubled back. It felt odd telling this to someone else, like it was some kind of closely guarded secret. He supposed it was, he had basically been banned from talking about this kind of stuff before after all.

"I just...get really sad sometimes." He managed to say. 

"you just get really sad? Like suddenly with no reason?" Kuroo asked. Kenma nodded. 

"How long does it last? Like a few hours?" Kuroo looked...stressed out? Worried? Kenma couldn't tell.

"It usually lasts a few days...but it lasted several weeks before…" 

Kuroo looked shaken, like kenma had just told him that his mom had just died. It didn't make sense to kenma how kuroo expressed things so deeply and so vividly. 

"That's...not good…" kuroo looked away, like he was thinking. 

"Well...yeah…" kenma muttered under his breath. 

"Listen…" kuroo let out a breath. "I know that it might be too soon for this per say...but maybe we should take you to a psychiatrist." Kuroo fidgeted with his fingers in his lap. 

Kenma had heard that word before. His mom had said that they were cruel people who tried to scam good people out or their hard earned money to buy pills for issues that didn't even exist. Of course, if it was his mom talking Kenma knee that she was probably talking nonsense. 

"I...my mom she…" kenma took a breath to calm himself down. "She said all sorts of things about them...I'm not even sure what they do exactly." 

"Well." Kuroo stood up straight, his back straightening. "They help you with your mental health. They could help you with your panic attacks and whatever else might be bothering you." 

Kenma froze. They could? "They can?" 

Kuroo smiled. "Yeah! They can give you medication that helps with the chemicals in your brain that might cause something like that. It's not magic or anything like that, but it helps I promise." 

Kenma looked away, unable to wrap his head around what he'd just been told. There was a way to stop his panic attacks and possibly even these depressive times he's been going through. He was hesitant though, years of mental conditioning had helped him with that. He tried to keep a nurtural face, trying to hide kuroo from his mental revaluation. 

"I'll think about it." he said quietly, and kuroos face lit up. 

"Awesome! Ok ok." Kuroo stood. "I'll get breakfast ready." And suddenly he was gone. 

Kenma was lonely already. 

___________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey!! 
> 
> I hope yall enjoyed this chapter! I wanted a chapter that was just kuroo being smitten so here it is:) 
> 
> Feel free to leave comments or give criticism on this work! Im also taking requests on this story and for one shots too!
> 
> Thank you for reading!!


	16. Blaze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenma sees someone he hasn't seen in a long time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! It's late and here's this chapter
> 
> !!!!!update!!!!
> 
> I now how a Twitter account for my writing! It's @justagayfurry1 !!! It'll be posting updates for this work and future works so please follow if you're interested!! (ᵔᴥᵔ) 
> 
> Ty!!!

**Kuroo pov**

The rest of the day kinda sucked. 

Kenma laid in bed, not moving and not talking. He simply faced the wall and stared into space, occasionally drifting in and out of what looked like a restless sleep. 

Kuroo knew it was because Kenma was having a bad day, but he also knew that it was likely that and a mix of Kenma still being sick that made him seem so miserable. Kuroo could see him tossing and turning uncomfortably, beads of sweat dripping down the side of his face. 

Kuroo hated seeing kenma like this. Kenma didn't deserve what had happened to him, all the abuse and being homeless and now being sick. 

He hated that he couldn't do more for kenma. He knew how rough this kind of thing was, he'd experienced it himself after all, but it was the first time he'd felt so hopeless about it. 

So he sat on the couch, racking his brain trying to figure out what to do. Kenma was suffering and kuroo wanted to end whatever it was that was making kenma so damn  _ miserable _ . 

He was trusted out of his thoughts by a sharp cry coming from his bedroom. Something came over him and he ran to his room as fast as he could, his feet almost tripping over themselves in the process. 

"Kenma?!" Kuroo nearly shouted from the doorway. Kuroo could see kenmas small body trembling under the covers, his body pressed against one of Kuroo's many pillows. Kuroo rushed up to make sure he was ok, only to see him sobbing softly into said pillow. 

"Kenma?" Kuroo asked, obviously worried. It was the second time that kenma had started crying and it made kuroo feel even more worried. 

Kenma peered up, his eyes red and puffy, and tears ran down his face. He looked even worse than earlier, which was saying a lot. 

"Kenma. What happened?" 

Kenma shook his head again. Kuroo sighed. 

"Kenma. This isn't normal." It sounded harsh, but kuroo was just worried. 

Kenmas eyes narrowed before he responded. "Nightmare."

"Do you have night terrors?" Kenma shook his head. 

Kuroo thought for a moment. It was possible that kenma was suffering because he stuck here with nothing but his thoughts. It was easy to wrap yourself in your own anxiety when there wasn't anything else to do. 

"Hey...kenma?" Kuroo sat on the edge of the bed. He did that thing he did where he rubbed the back of his head. Kenma looked up to meet his gaze. 

"Let's get out of the house. I think it might be good for you." 

Kenma responded immediately. "Too tired." 

It was true that kenma was still sort of sick, but it was just residue from when he was really sick a few days ago. His fever was nonexistent, having broken a few hours ago. The doctor had said that once his fever broke then he was no longer contagious. 

"I know i know. But it's obvious that staying inside isn't doing you any favors. We can go eat and go to that park down the street. Get some fresh air. I'll even let you choose where to eat!" Kuroo sounded a little too excited. 

Kenma looked away in thought for a moment. Kuroo knew that kenma wanted to stay inside and do nothing for the rest of the day, but kuroo was hoping that the idea of food would be enough to get kenma out of bed. 

"Fine…" Kenma groaned into his pillow. Kuroos face lit up like he'd just won something. 

"Alright! Get up and get dressed ok? We'll leave in half an hour!" 

Kuroo darted out of the room and kenma missed his constant chatter. 

_____________________________

  
  


**Kenma pov**

Getting out of bed was much more difficult than kenma could have ever imagined. 

His body felt like it was made of lead, and his limbs felt like they were broken and couldn't move an inch. After five minutes of psyching himself up, he managed to roll over and sit up, his feet dangling over the side of the bed. Kuroo's bed was unreasonably comfortable, and Kenma wanted to roll over and go back to sleep on the soft mattress as soon as he was sat up. 

But he had said that he would go with kuroo and "get out of the house" 

He knew that it would be good for him to stop wallowing in his own depression, but his body thought otherwise. 

At some point kenma stood up and headed towards the bathroom. Brushing his teeth felt like a chore, and changing clothes felt like an impossible task. But he managed, and he felt sort of accomplished

He sat on the couch, not feeling up to showing. He could hear kuroo rummaging around in his bathroom, maybe showering or trying to fix his hair. In his short time with kuroo, kemna knew that kuroo took forever to get ready. He seemed to spend hours every day on his appearance Not because he was brooding or cared too much about what people thought of him, but because he just wanted to look nice. 

Kenma didn't spend too much time on how he looked. It's probably because of his time on the street, but if kenma looked back he probably never really cared. 

After a few minutes of kuroo doing whatever he was doing, he finally came out of his room. 

He looked good after he'd just gotten ready. his hair was fluffy and looked like it would be soft to the touch. His skin was smooth and clear from just being washed. He was wearing something casual but also classy. Kenma nearly swooned where he stood. 

"Ready?" Kuroo smiled, and kenmas heart panged. 

"Yeah." Kenma responded. 

"Alright let's go!" Kuroo cheered, and they headed out. 

_________________________________

**Kuroo pov**

"So where do you wanna eat?" Kuroo asked as they walked down the street. They didn't really discuss where they were going to go beforehand, and now they were walking around aimlessly. 

Kenma shook his head. "Don' know." 

"Well what kind of food do you like?" 

Kenm hummed like he was thinking. "Ramen maybe?" 

"Maybe?" Kuroo tilted his head to the side. 

"Well uh…" kenma was scared to say anything too expensive, and kuroo picked up on that. 

"Don't worry too much on price! Money's not an issue today." Kuroo was on a mission to make today special for kenma despite the fact that he wasn't feeling the best. 

"That place on fifth? The hibachi place? I used to go there all the time when I was a kid for my birthday." Kenma felt himself becoming flushed asking for such a thing. He  _ hated  _ asking for things. 

"You want to go there?" Kuroo asked. 

"If...you don't mind…" kenma rubbed the side of his arm nervously. He felt like he was taking advantage of a kind gesture, but God he wanted that food more than anything. He hadn't had their food since he was thirteen, right before his family situation started to take a nosedive. 

"Let's go then!" Kuroo walked quickly in the direction of the restaurant, and they were on their way. 

______________________________

**Kenma pov**

The meal was quiet. 

Kenma insisted that they didn't do anything too loud or flashy, so they sat at a table in the corner without a show. Kenma didn't need a show anyway, he just wanted the food. 

The food was exactly how he remembered it being. Tasty rice, savory steak, and delicious shrimp. He ordered a small but it was still a lot to eat for him. 

During their dinner they talked some more. They talked about Kuroo's older brother who lived in California that Kenma hadn't heard about yet, and Kenma talked about living as an only child. 

They ended up talking long after their empty plates were taken away, and by the time they had the mind to leave the sun was already setting. 

"You still up for the park?" Kuroo asked as they walked out of the restaurant. Kenma nodded. He was getting sleepy, but he still felt like he had enough energy for a visit to the park. It's as kuroo said, the fresh air might do him some good. 

The walk to the park went by quick, and before he knew it they were both seated in the swing set, talking back and forth like they were middle schoolers 

They talked more and more until the sun was completely set, the few stars they could see coming to say hello. 

"So kenma." Kuroo said towards the end of their conversation. "Do you still want to come to practice tomorrow? Coach said it was ok for you to come." 

Kenma didn't know. He didn't want to bother anyone, but he knew that being alone for that long scared him. 

"Are you sure it's ok for me to come? I don't want to be a pain…" 

"Ahhh don't worry too much about it. There's bleachers you can sit on that are out of everyone's way. Breaks are pretty frequent so if you need anything I'll come and check on you often so you don't even have to ask." 

Kenma let out a pent up sigh, a long and lengthy breath that warmed the air around it. 

"Yeah. I'll go." 

________________________________

  
  


**Kuroo pov**

The rest of their night was pretty peaceful. 

Kenma had moved back to his own room, much to Kuroo's dismay. Of course kuroo wouldn't ever say that Kenma should stay in Kuroo's room because he would miss cuddling the other person. The last thing that kuroo wanted was to cross boundaries with kenma. He deserved someone that he could trust, and kuroo didn't want to test him too much when kenma was in such a fragile state. 

They ended up watching a documentary at some point, just to pass the time until they had to be asleep. 

They both sat on the couch, both on different ends. Kuroos brain didn't understand why kenma was so far away, why he wasn't in his arms right now with his face pressed against his chest and Kuroo's arm around his waist. 

The movie was far too long for his taste, he'd rather look at kenma instead. 

________________________________

  
  


**Kenma pov**

The next day was hectic. 

Well, at least to kenma it was. He doesn't remember the last time he had to be up at a certain time, eat as quickly as he could, and get ready quickly so they could be out the door so they weren't late. Kenma was amazed that kuroo could do this everyday, it would exhaust kenma after just a few days. Kenma definitely leaned more towards night owl, and it showed. 

Kuroo also looked tired. Kenma came to the realization that Kuroo liked to be quiet in the mornings so he could concentrate on what he was going to do that day. He was always making short lists or talking to himself when he was deep in thought. 

The car ride was equally quiet. Kuroo seemed focused on a new training method he was going to discuss with his captain. 

Kuroo said earlier that he'd normally walk to and from the gym for practice, but it was supposed to rain today so that's why they were driving today. 

The three or so odd minute drive went by too fast for kenma, and suddenly they were parked in the gyms parking garage. It was underground, which made kenma only a little bit nervous. Yes, just a little bit. 

They both treaked up the stairs, even though kenma wanted to use the elevator. Kuroo said that it was good for his legs to use the stairs, which Kenma thought was ridiculous. 

They eventually reached the main gym area, and Kenma was immediately greeted by a very excited bokuto. 

"Hey hey hey!" Bokuto shouted from down the hallway. "Kenma! Whats up man!" Bokuto patted kenma on the shoulder, which wasn't as bad as kenma thought it would me. 

"Better...thank you." 

"I'll try not to bother you too much! Anyway I gotta help daichi with some equipment so I'll see you later!" And as soon as he had arrived, bokuto was gone. 

"He's...something isn't he?" Kuroo chuckled as they continued to the gym that the team used for practice. Kenma could smell the g from there, a familiar mix of icy hot spray and sweat that had kenma on edge in a good kind of way. 

"Excited?" Kenma hadn't even noticed that he had been smiling until kuroo had pointed it out. 

"Maybe...a little…." 

Kuroo laughed as they reached the gym entrance. "I'll warn you. The team can be a bit a bit rambunctious at times but they all have a good heart. Tell me if you get too overwhelmed and I'll get you out ok?" 

Kenma nodded and kuroo opened the doors. 

"Hey everyone! I'm here!" Kuroo shouted into the room. Everyone turned to look at their vice captain. It looked like they were awaiting instructions. 

"Everyone this is my friend…" 

Kuroo was cut off by a sharp, high pitched voice. 

"Kenma!?" 

Kenma turned towards the voice, shocked at what he saw. 

There, standing in front of him, was his old teammate and one of his best friends from high school, Hinata shoyou. His hair was longer then kenma remembered it being, but it was definitely him. His best friend. That he hadn't seen in over two years. Right in front of him. 

"Shoyou?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey! I hope y'all enjoyed this chapter I didn't re read it so sorry for any errors lol 
> 
> As always coments and critism are welcome:) 
> 
> Gnight lol
> 
> Ty!!!


	17. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Old friends together again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey! Hope y'all enjoy this chapter!!! 
> 
> Please follow my Twitter for story updates! @justagayfurry1

**Kenma pov**

The whole room froze, everyone still with anticipation. 

No one knew what to expect as kenma and Hinata stared at each other, obviously shocked at each other's presence. 

Hinata was the first to move, sprinting up to a wide eyed kenma. Everyone was even more shocked when Hinata  _ hugged  _ the other. And kuroo was particularly surprised when kenma  _ hugged back.  _

"Holy  _ shit."  _ Hinata practically shouted, his face practically borrowed in Kenma's neck. Hinata started to shake kenma around by his shoulders. 

"Holy  _ shit  _ holy  _ shit  _ holy  _ shit!"  _ Hinata pulled away, tears prickling at the corners of his eyes. 

"You're  _ alive _ . Holy  _ shit _ . You just disappeared and we couldn't find you and and and…" Hinata took a deep breath. "We thought you were  _ dead kenma." _

Kenma was  _ shocked _ . Shoyou had looked for him.  _ Shoyou had looked for him. _

"We tried to track you down after you stopped showing up to school but your parents acted like you never existed and I...we…" Hinata nearly started sobbing at this point. 

"I'm here. I'm alive." Kenma said breathlessly. He felt like he was dreaming. His best friend was here in front of him, he still remembered him and he thought that all this time that Kenma was  _ dead.  _

Hinata nodded, his face flushed with excitement of seeing someone he thought he'd never see again. 

"I promise I'll explain everything to you." 

Hinata nodded, his eyes blown wide with anticipation. 

"You!!! Come on there's someone else here that would love to see you!" Hinata grasped Kenma's wrist and dragged him out of the room. 

The room was brimming with a sort of weird silence after they left. 

"Well that was uh…" yaku started. 

"Interesting…" oikawa finished. 

"Oi kuroo!" Bokuto shouted. Kuroo turned around, the look of shock still plastered on his face. 

"What the hell was that?! Did you know that Kenma and Hinata knew each other?" Bokuto's arms were flailing around wildly. 

"What? Of course not!" 

"Seriously. What was that?" Yaku asked.

"Well uh… it's not really my story to tell honestly. Kenma was homeless until recently is all I really know." 

Oikawa looked at Kuroo with a side-eyed glance. "Oh really?"

"Really" 

"Well it doesn't look that way to me"

____________________________

"Shoyou where are you taking me?" 

"The team storage room! Some of my teammates are moving some equipment around." 

"Why are we going there" you'll just have to wait and see!" 

Kenma didn't ask anymore questions. He knew he wouldn't get any further with Hinata. 

The walk to the storage room only took a minute at most, but it felt like it was taking forever. 

The door was a large and heavy metal door, and Kenma could hear chatter behind it. It sounded like three separate voices. And one of them sounded...familiar?

"Ok ok." Hinata stopped suddenly in front of said door. 

"Ok?" Kenma was still confused as to what they were doing. 

Hinata walked up and heaved the large doors open. The chatter stopped and the three bodies turned to look at the new source of sound. 

Just like kenma had thought, there were three people in the storage room. A mid sized guy with black spiked hair. He radiated leadership, and Kenma immediately knew he was the captain of Kuroo’s team. The other man was short and had a patch of blonde hair on his forehead. He was shorter than kenma and even hinata, so he was likely a libero. The third man was…

_ The third man was… _

“Kageyama! Holy cow you need to see who i found! You won’t believe it!” Hinata's voice was jittery, like he'd just won the lottery or maybe a puppy. 

Kageyama turned around and dropped the broom he was holding. He sucked in a breath, his eyes blown wide. 

“Oh my god... _ kenma?!”  _

__ The other two men looked at each other, confused as to what was going on. 

“Y-yeah. It's me.” kenma was flustered over the fact that someone was happy to see him. He was still ecstatic to see his old friends again, of course. He was just as happy to see them as they were to see him. He never thought that he would see either of them again. 

kageyama lurched forward and wrapped his arms around kenma, beaming with all kinds of emotions. “ _ Holy shit you're alive”  _ kageyama nearly cried. The two other men in the equipment room were even more confused.

“I'm alive.” Kenma muttered into Kageyama's shoulder. He was so happy he couldn't hold back a smile. His two best friends were back, and he'd be damned if he ever let them go again.

  
  


________________________________________________ 

**Kuroo pov**

The rest of the team was still very confused. 

Hinata had dragged kenma and kageyama to the lobby to “talk.”, leaving the rest of the team to nag at kuroo about what was going on. 

“Seriously kuroo! What's going on!?” bokuto was begging. 

“Listen man, i'm telling you i don't know! They probably played together in high school or something!” 

“Ahhhh so kenma played in high school?” oikawa asked. 

“Uhh yeah?” 

“You seem to know a lot about someone you ‘just met’ huh?” oikawa teased.

“Oikawa, this might not be the best time..” 

“I'm going to go check on them.” kuroo said, interrupting the conversation. He was tired of being questioned by his friends. 

He found the trio in the lobby, sitting on some of the couches. They looked like they were making small talk, he heard something about tomorrow's weather or something. They all looked happy, even kenma was showing a rare smile. 

“Hey. kenma?” kuroo called. He didn't want to scare him because he was facing away. 

Kenma turned around. Kuroo could see the wrinkles in his eyes that said that kenma was truly happy. Kuroo loved the way they looked on kenma, and kuroo never wanted them to go away. He wanted kenma to be happy like this forever. 

“Kuroo…” kenma murmured out. 

“Do you...mind if i sit in on your little reunion?” 

“Oh uh…” kenma looked over at hinata and kageyama and they nodded. “Yeah. i don't mind.” 

Kuroo sighed as he sat next to kenma. The lobby couch seemed more comfortable than ever. 

“So uhhh” hinata looked around nervously. “What...what happened? Why'd you disappear like that?” the question shook kuroo. He'd never heard hinata sound so serious in the year that he's known him. Hinata was a very bubbly and light hearted person, often dodging heavy questions if he was asked them. 

“Well uhh…” kenma glazed briefly at kuroo before flicking his eyes back to his old friends. “I was kicked out the second I turned eighteen. No warning or anything. I couldn't grab much, my parents smashed my phone in the argument that led up to it. Couldn't afford a ticket anywhere and didn't have any way to contact anyone. I didn't know where anyone lived so i just kinda...disappeared i guess.” 

The story was a lot to digest. Kageyama and Hinata looked like their world had turned upside down. 

Hinata took a deep breath. 

“I...we knew that your parents are awful but…” kuroo could see hinata trembling. “You didn't show up for school for a few days. You weren't picking up your phone we…” hinata gulped. “We got worried. The whole team went to go find you. We went to your house and asked your parents, and they gave us some weird excuse like you went to go live with your grandparents except you told me that your grandparents died when you were young. It just didn't make  _ sense  _ and then one thing led to another, and i guess we...all kind of assumed the worse…”

Kuroo hated seeing hinata visibly upset, and kuroo also noticed that kenma hated seeing hinata visibly upset. 

“I'm sorry hinata. I'm not going anywhere ever again.” 

________________________________________________

  
  


**Kenma pov**

The rest of practice went by pretty fast. 

Hinata and kageyama had told kenma that they had kept up with lev, another teammate, who would also be very happy to see kenma alive and well.the rest of the team all lived far away and being an adult made keeping in touch with them nearly impossible

Kenma was excited to have two new phone numbers in his phone, and was also excited to meet the rest of the team. Kenma already knew four of them, being kuroo, bokuto, hinata, and kageyama, but the rest of the team was easily eccentric.

The coach had insisted that practice continue despite the ensuing drama. The team managed to talk to kenma during their water breaks, and kenma played on his switch when they were practicing. 

It was good, talking to so many people again. He felt like he was back on his old team again.

The end of practice came too early, and kenma didn't want to leave. Of course, he didn't want to let anyone else know that, so when kuroo said it was time to leave he quickly hugged hinata and kageyama with plans to hang out soon, and followed the other man out the door. 

He left feeling happier than he had in a long time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo! 
> 
> Hope y'all enjoyed this chapter! 
> 
> There will be a small time skip in the next chapter so keep an eye out👀
> 
> Comments and critism are welcome!!! 
> 
> Ty!!!


	18. Quiet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two weeks later...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo! Please enjoy this chapter
> 
> TW:animal death 
> 
> Sorry 🙃
> 
> Twitter- @justagayfurry1

**Kenma pov**

Two weeks flashed by in an instant.

Kuroo talked to kenma about what he wanted to do during the following weekend. They formulated a plan, and executed it from there.

That Monday, kuroo took kenma to the social security office and helped him apply for a birth certificate and a social security card. They both agreed that going any further would be difficult without either. 

The following day, kuroo took kenma to the DMV to get a state issued ID. It would help kenma apply for school and a job if he wanted one. 

On Wednesday, kenma met up with Hinata and kageyama after practice. They ate lunch and talked for hours about everything they didn't know had happened in the past two years. Kenma was so incredibly happy to be with them both again. 

Kenma found out that Hinata and kageyama had started a relationship pretty much right out of high school. Kenma was only a small bit surprised. He knew it was coming but didn't know they would get together so soon. 

Hinata and kageyama heard a lot about Kenma's life on the streets, how he'd nearly died each winter and almost starved to death each season. He told them about kuroo finding him, his stuff stolen and nearly freezing his ass off. They were surprised to hear that Kenma was staying in Kuroo's spare bedroom rent free after kuroo had given him so much. 

Thursday was a break day, and kuroo took kenma to eat and watch a movie after practice.

Kenma learned a lot about kuroo that day. He found out that kuroo liked cats, and his favorite food was fish. He also found out that kuroo was an only child, but had some aunts and uncles and cousins that he sometimes talked to. He discovered that Kuroo didn't have the best relationship with his parents, who were unsupportive about his career choices and didn't know much about Kuroo's sexuality. 

On Friday, kuroo helped kenma sign up for a couple of classes to help him get his GED. Apparently you just needed to pass a single test to get it and classes weren't required, but kenma felt so far behind he was scared that just taking the test would be a waste of time. 

The next day, kuroo took kenma to get the supplies he'd need for school. The classes would be in person, so kenma needed pencils and a bag and stuff. Kenma still didn't like it when people buy him things, but he was starting to get used to it. 

That Sunday, kenma started looking for a job. He could get something legal now that he had his ID. Kuroo let kenma use his laptop to start filling out applications, and Kenma sat on the couch for nearly four hours looking for work. 

The next Wednesday, Kenma met up with Hinata and Kageyama again. They met up at a park and talked again. they had a lot to catch up on. 

Kuroo was happy that Kenma had reconnected with his old friends again. Kenma had been so upset that he had lost touch with them. It was important for kenma to have a support system right now. 

On Thursday, kuroo talked to kenma about therapy again. Kenma still seemed reluctant, but he finally agreed to go after kuroo said that he could stop at any time he wanted. 

On Friday, kenma got his class schedule, and found out that he would be starting classes in January, since the semester was already almost over and it wouldn't make sense to start him now. 

Kenma was a little sad that school wouldn't be starting soon, but he supposed it would be a good time to get a part time job and start paying for his own food and phone bill. It felt small in the long run, but kenma had a feeling he would enjoy the freedom that money brought. He could buy his own food, start paying rent, and maybe save up for a new game after a while. 

Of course, no one wanted him. He had been homeless, which meant something, he guessed, to employers. He didn't receive a single call back despite his efforts, even after nearly fourteen full combined hours submitting applications. It was maybe because he didn't have a resume, he couldn't tell his future boss about the seven or so odd jobs he had under the table. He didn't pay taxes during that time either, and going to jail was at the bottom of his list of things to do. 

He spent most of his time with kuroo. They cleaned together, watched movies together, even ate together. Kuroo taught kenma some basic dishes, Kenma had explained that his mom didn't allow him to cook anything for himself. Whatever she made he had to eat or starve that day. The only time he had any sort of freedom in what he ate was his school lunches, which he bought at school. Even then his choices were slim, usually only a choice between two options. 

All in all, the two weeks that had passed had been good. Kuroo had done so much for Kenma that Kenma didn't know how on earth he ever pay Kuroo back. 

Speaking of kuroo, kenma had felt himself getting closer to the other man over the past two weeks. It was subtle, but there. Kenma felt himself wanting to lay next to kuroo like they had that one morning, their limbs tangled together and Kenma's head resting on Kuroo's chest so he could hear the others heartbeat. 

It was odd, kenma had never pinned himself as a romantic. He had wanted to die just a few short weeks ago after all. Love had been out of the question. Any relationship at all had been out of the question, romantic or platonic. 

But now, he could see himself living the rest of his life with his new beam of hope. It was like he was finally home, his friends were back and he had a roof over his head and he was finally able to eat good food and he could do whatever he wanted without worrying about his parents breathing down his neck about everything. It seemed too good to be true.

Almost. 

_________________________________

**Kenma pov**

It was Monday now.

It was drizzling, and according to the news it was supposed to storm all night tonight. 

Kuroo and Kenma were walking home from practice. Kenma had been helping out around the gym and 'observing' for a couple of weeks now. He helped clean, set up equipment, etc. In exchange for the company. It seemed like a fair exchange in Kenma's eyes. 

The road was still closed, completely blocked off from pedestrian traffic. So they had to use the alleyway, much to Kuroo's dismay. 

Even though it's what led him to kenma, kuroo still didn't like walking down the alley. He was convinced that he was going to get robbed or murdered, along with other worries that Kenma found kinda odd. 

They had been chattering the whole walk home. Kuroo seemed to always have some new story to tell, and Kenma was always ready for some kind of sarcastic comment. Some might have found him rude, but kuroo thought it was hilarious. 

They were turning the corner when kenma, quietly listening to what kuroo had to say, heard a soft "mew"

Kenma halted in his tracks, confusing kuroo. 

"Hey, why'd yah stop?" Kuroo pouted. 

"Heard something." Kenma's voice was quiet as he tried to hear whatever it was again.

He was almost ready to turn around and head home with kuroo when he heard it again. 

It was so incredibly quiet, Kenma might have thought he was just imagining it. But he knew what he heard, and started walking towards the source. 

He walked towards the corner of the alleyway bend, quieting himself to listen once again. 

He heard one more "mew" before he pinpointed the source of the noise. 

It was a convenience store bag, tied at the top in a double knot. It was drenched in water, and Kenma swore he saw it move. 

Kenma crouched down in front of the bag. 

"Oi. What are you doing?" Kuroo followed kenma. 

Kenma didn't answer, not wanting to freak out what he thought he was going to find. 

He carefully reached out and untied the bag. He did it slowly so not to disturb whatever was inside. 

It took about thirty seconds for kenma to open the bag, and was astounded by what he saw

Inside the bag were two, tiny kittens. They looked to be only a few hours old, still covered in fluid and shivering. they were black and white spotted, and they mewed like their little lives depended on it. 

"What the  _ fuck?" _ kuroo muttered. 

Kenma carefully picked up one of the kittens in his hands. It was so tiny that it fit in Kenma's palm. 

"Who the fuck leaves kittens in a fucking plastic bag!?" Kenma had never seen kuroo so upset about something that wasn't about another human being. 

Kemna observed the kittens for just a moment. They had no idea how long they had been left in the bag, but they both knew that they were both close to death. Their tiny breaths were almost non-existent, and their little bodies were too cold.

"We need to take them to the vet. Now." Kuroo said as he cradled the other kitten in his arms. They were both shaking. 

"Agreed." Kenma stood up, ready to run wherever they were going. 

"There's a vet a few blocks from here. You wanna run?" 

Kenma nodded, and they both took off. 

_________________________________

**Kenma pov**

Kuroo wanted to run as fast as he could, he really did. 

But Kenma was honestly struggling to keep up even through his best efforts. Kuroo knew that Kenma was trying his best, but he hated seeing the other looking like he was in pain from running so fast. 

So kuroo ran a bit slower than normal. If they split up kenma wouldn't be able to find the vet anyway. 

They reached the vet eventually. They were both drenched from the rain, Kuroo's hair falling down and covering more of his face. 

The vets were a bit startled to see two men in their twenties barging into their establishment, but their eyes softened when they saw what they were carrying. 

The vets rushed the kittens into the back room, and Kenma and Kuroo were left in the waiting room. 

They waited for what seemed like hours, but in reality it was probably no longer than thirty minutes. Kuroo seemed especially anxious, his leg bouncing up and down and his eyes were darting around the room. Kenma didn't know what to do to comfort the other man, so he simply stayed still for the time being. 

Kenma was also worried about the tiny lives they found, though he wasn't as apt as showing his emotions as kuroo was. 

Another half hour passed before they heard any news. 

"Unfortunately one of them didn't make it. The other one, however, looks positive. She'll likely make it as long as she survives the night. Her heartbeat is strong and her temperature is rising." The vet said. "She's only a day old and will need to stay here overnight. But it's looking up." 

Kuroo didn't speak to Kenma's surprise. So kenma had to talk. 

"Thank you."

"Of course. Unfortunately, we're past closing at the moment. If you want to come by tomorrow you can check on her any time." 

Kenma nodded and the vet left. 

"Kuroo. We have to go." Kenma grabbed Kuroo's arm when he didn't respond. 

"R-right…" kuroo stuttered. It kinda freaked kenma out. Kuroo only stuttered when he was emotional, even kenma knew that. 

Kuroo was quiet the entire walk home. It was pretty much pouring down rain at this point, and Kenma was shivering from how cold it was. He tugged his jacket closer to his stomach, and a chill went down his spine. 

They reached home in twenty minutes. They sort of shook off in the mudroom, taking off their soaking wet jackets and muddy shoes. Kenma shivered at the sudden cold of their apartment, rushing off to get one of Kuroo's many throw blankets on the couch. 

Kuroo, however, sulked over the couch and sank into the fabric. As kenma sat on the other end of the couch, wrapped in a blue fleece blanket, he noticed that kuroo looked like someone had just killed bokuto in front of him. 

What freaked out kenma even more was when kuroo started to cry. It was quiet at first, but soon kuroo was wracked with sobs, and Kenma was at a complete loss of what to do. 

Kuroo was curled in on himself, wrapping his arms around his center and tears rolling down his face. 

"Kuroo?" Kenma sat up and looked directly at Kuroo. It was the first time kenma had seen kuroo cry and it was honestly freaking kenma out. 

"S-sorry…" kuroo muttered. 

Kenma moved before his body could react. He stood up and plopped down right next to kuroo, so close that their hips were touching. Kenma wrapped part of the blanket around kuroo and in turn his arm. Kuroo looked up at him with a sad look in his eyes. 

"You don't have anything to apologize for. Whatever's bothering you I'm sure it's ok." 

Kuroo looked away. 

"If you don't want to tell me that's ok. Whatever's going on I'm here." Kenma smiled at Kuroo, a small and faint one that didn't show too much but that kuroo would understand.

"It's the kitten." Kuroo said. His voice was trembling and Kenma could have sworn that he could feel Kuroo trembling. 

"The one that didn't make it?" Kuroo nodded. 

"Oh kuroo…" kenma wrapped kenma up in a tight hug. Kenma could feel Kuroo press his face in the crook of his neck and tears soaked into his shirt. 

Kenma held him as long as he could, until kuroo had calmed down and his shaking had stopped. 

At some point, Kuroo went slack in Kenma's arms and Kenma internally screamed. 

Despite everything, kenma really had it in deep. 

_________________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all enjoyed this chapter!!! 
> 
> Comments and criticism are welcome:)


	19. Crash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Too much happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo! 
> 
> I'm so sorry I've been gone for like a month y'all😅 anywho here's this!!! 
> 
> Twitter-@JustAGayFurry1 follow me for story updates!

**Kenma pov**

Kenma was in love. 

He had only known kuroo for about a month at this point, but he knew that he was pining hopelessly after the other man. 

He honestly felt close to kuroo, like they were somehow meant to be together in some way or another. It was sort of refreshing to have someone with him that he cared for and cherished. 

He thought it was odd as well, how they had managed to get so used to each other in such a short amount of time. Kenma had started to pick up on the little mannerisms that kuroo did, like how he always put the TV remote in the exact same spot every time or how he tended to rub his hands together when he was nervous. Kuroo also seemed to pick up on kenmas habits as well, he seemed to know exactly when kenma was nervous and the best way to help. 

Kenma had been working on becoming more and more independent, but even so he still missed kuroo when he was gone. He had gotten to a point where he could be left alone without freaking out, but the apartment still felt empty without someone there. 

Kenma would sit and play games and look for jobs while kuroo was gone, listening to music on his phone. Christmas was coming up, and he was desperate for money to get kuroo, kageyama, and Hinata a gift. Maybe bokuto and akaashi too, if he could afford it. They were there for him and Kuroo at the hospital even though Kenma didn't have a clue who they were. Kenma had also gotten closer with them over the past month. He liked akaashi, who was calm and quiet just like kenma, and he appreciated bokuto, who was the most optimistic person kenma had ever met. 

He stopped what he was doing for a moment, tapping away on his switch while he played animal crossing. Thoughts of kuroo crossed his mind, like they did ever so frequently. At this point, kenma couldn't imagine his life without kuroo. The thought of not having the other around made him nauseous. 

A shiver ran down his spine just thinking about him. About how kuroo was so gentle and patient with him, without expecting much in return. It was the first time that Kenma had had some kind of steady life, and he relished in it. 

He was fucked. 

__________________________________

**Kuroo pov**

Kuroo knew he just had to ask. 

At the end of the week, just two days before Christmas, the local amusement park was ending it's Christmas themed run. Kuroo wanted to go so bad, but he had no one to go with. Bokuto was going with akaashi to be with his family this year, Hinata went home and so did kageyama. Even aone was busy with the season's festivities. 

There was only one person left to ask, and that was kenma. 

The issue is, he wasn't sure kenma would want to go. Kenma has always been a super reserved person and not a huge fan of crowds, at least in the short time that Kuroo's known him.

So now, as he walked back home from practice, he thought about how he was going to ask the younger. 

Maybe he could bribe him with food? Or a new game afterwards? Maybe he could do that as a last resort maybe…

He slinked into his apartment seemingly a moment later. He still didn't know how it would go, but he decided that just asking directly was the best option. He just had to…

A sudden crash and kuroo was trusted out of his thoughts, followed by what sounded like footsteps and a high pitched cry. He hurried to the living room, only to see an absolute mess. 

The TV was smashed on the ground, the screen shattered in pieces across the floor. It's cord was unplugged and at an odd angle. The only Xbox one was crushed under the TV's weight, and it looked like it had been cracked open like an egg. The disc that had been inside had ejected itself and was also cracked right in half. It looked like someone had taken a bat to Kuroo's entertainment center. 

However, it wasn't the scene in front of him that made him upset, but rather the addition of blood on the carpet. It wasn't much, but it was still rather noticeable.

' _ Kenma'  _ was Kuroo's immedient thought. 

"Kenma!" Kuroo shouted as he frantically looked around. 

A quiet sob from behind the couch is what gave him away. Kuroo stuttered over quickly, his eyes widening at what he saw. 

Kenma was sitting, his knees up and his back rested against the back of the couch. He was sobbing, tears streaming down his face. He was clutching his arm, a large cut from the halfway point of his forearm to his wrist was gushing blood. It pulled at kenmas elbow and dropped on the floor. Kenma was quite pale, his eyes frantic. But through all of this, Kenma stayed quiet other than a few silent sobs. 

"Kenma...holy shit…" kuroo walked towards him, and Kenma's eyes blew wide. 

" _ Stay away"  _ kenma said in a rough grainy voice. He sounded terrified, and seemed to break Kuroo's heart right in two. 

"Kenma! It's just me!" Kuroo was desperate to help. It looked like the cut might need stitches, they had to get to the hospital. 

Kenma peered over for the first time, and kuroo saw the stream of blood dripping down the left side of his face, caused by a gash on his forehead. Kuroo sucked in a breath. 

"Kuro…" Kenma's eyes looked kuroo over like he still wasn't sure. Then, kuroo saw as his entire body was racked with sobs. The loud, messy kind that fill up a whole room with anxiety. 

Kuroo felt an overwhelming desire to  _ protect _ and suddenly he was right next to kenma, his arm around Kenma's shoulder in a reassuring way. 

"What happened?" Kuroo fumbled for his phone, which was thankfully still in his back pocket. He unlocked his phone and started to dial the number for 911. 

"I...tripped...over a...don't know...and...the TV came down...on top of me...it was so loud...I ran…" kenma said in a rushed, panicked voice. 

Kuroo tapped on the dial button. He could feel kenma trembling underneath him. 

"Here." Kuroo handed him the jacket he had picked behind the couch a week ago. "Keep pressure on it ok? It'll be ok." Kuroo knew there were other things he could use, but he really didn't want to leave kenma alone, not when the smaller man looked like he might shatter into a thousand tiny pieces if kuroo so much as moved a single millimeter. 

Kenma, eyes hazy, took the jacket and pressed it against the wound without saying a word. It was odd, kenma not speaking at all. Everyone else that kuroo knew would be screaming and crying and talking loudly if they were in the same situation. But other than wailing quite loudly, Kenma seemed tounge tied. 

"911 what is your emergency?" 

"H-hi I'm at...yeah...my friend he's got a large gash on his arm and another cut on his head...yeah he's awake...kenma?" Kuroo turned to face kenma. "Do you feel sick at all? Dizzy?" 

Kenma shook his head.

"He said no...alright...yeah...ill unlock the door...thank you…" and then it was silent again. 

Kuroo stayed next to kenma for a brief minute. He knew that Kenma didn't want to be alone right now, kuroo could hear Kenma's labored, panicked breathing. 

A sudden knock at the door startled them both. "Paramedics. Please open up." 

"Hey." Kuroo said. "I need to go and answer the door. I'll be right back." Kenma nodded, but his grip on Kuroo's arm didn't change. Kuroo slinked away, removing Kenma's grasp from him as quickly and as gently as possible. Kuroo quickly trotted up to the door, opening it to reveal a young man and woman. 

"He's over here." Kuroo Led them to Kenma's spot behind the couch. Kenma, who had gone back to curling in on himself and quietly sobbing, looked up at Kuroo, and then at the two men. 

"They're here to help." Kuroo explained, and Kenma simply nodded. 

_________________________________

**Kuroo pov**

Turns out, kenma didn't need stitches. 

The wound on his arm was long and would leave a scar, but it was shallow and would need some antibiotics and a bandage to heal. He didn't have a concussion either, and a large bandage would stop the bleeding. 

The paramedics left silently, Kenma was still behind the couch and was still a bit shaken up. Kuroo stayed close, his arm wrapped around Kenma's waist and chin resting on Kenma's head. He tried to pull away several times, but it seemed that Kenma pulled harder after every attempt. 

Kuroo didn't want to leave kenma, not by any means. But he was starving, and Kenma had to be hungry by now, too.

"Kenma…" kuroo started. "Aren't you hungry? I can make whatever you want." Kuroo tried his best to make kenma feel better, but he'd never been in this situation where kenma completely shut down for such a long period of time. 

Kenma nodded slightly, just barely enough for kuroo to see. 

Kuroo braced himself to stand, only for Kenma to stand up with him, still practically attached to Kuroo's hip. Kuroo pulled them over to the kitchen table and sat kenma down. He pulled the chair closer to the table, and Kenma finally let go. 

Kuroo could see kenma continue to shake in his seat, his eyes focused on his hands that he had folded on the table. 

"What do you want to eat?" Kuroo asked as he opened the fridge. "I've got some bowls of frozen ramen if that's ok." 

Kenma nodded, silent. 

Kuroo quickly made their food, nearly burning his hand. He added less soy sauce to one of the bowls, the way kenma likes it. 

Kuroo was also still shaken up, maybe not to Kenma's extent but his head was still swirling around with too many thoughts. 

He managed to set Kenma's food in front of him before setting his own side of the table. He looked up at kenma to see him just staring at his food. 

Kuroo decided to give kenma his own time to do whatever he needed to do. Eventually, kenma snapped out of whatever it was enough to manage a few bites of Raman. 

Kuroo ate much more than kenma did, even now when they were still both super anxious kuroo still had a big appetite.

"Kenma." Kuroo called at some point. He looked up enough to see kenma tilt his head upwards. Their eyes met, and, despite their circumstances, kuroo felt his heart skip a beat. 

"What happened?" Kuroo put his fork on the table and rested his hands in his lap. He waited patiently for Kenma's response, expecting either way this conversation could go. 

Kenma shifted his gaze, choosing to stare at the kitchen floor rather than kuroo. 

"I-i…" kenma started, but the words stuck themselves into the back of his throat instead. He took in a shaky breath and squeezed his eyes shut. 

"It's ok if you don't want to talk about it." Kuroo continued. "If it's too much, I understand." 

"N-no I just...give me a second…" kenma took in some more deep breaths, trying to get to a point where he could talk again. 

"It just…"  _ one more breath _ . "The noise. It reminded me of my dad." He said. 

"Your dad?" Kuroo questioned, wanting kenma to elaborate. 

"He...used to yell a lot…" kenma explained, and kuroo understood. 

"Ah…" 

"Yeah…"

The silence afterwards was strange as Kuroo waited for Kenma to finnish eating. He felt like something had shifted again but couldn't explain what exactly it was that had changed. 

After a few more minutes, kenma finally finished eating, wiping the sweat on the palm of his hand on his pants. He felt himself nodding off as he sat, his eyes droopy as the adrenaline from the afternoon finally started to wear off. 

"Let's go to sleep." Kuroo stood up from his chair and walked to Kenma's side. "You look exhausted." Kuroo placed a hand on Kenma's shoulder, rubbing his hand into the muscle. Kuroos face lifted slightly when Kenma leaned against his side and practically purred in contentment. 

Kuroo huffed as he practically picked kenma up by his waist and led them towards his bedroom. It was in front of Kenma's door where kenma tugged at Kuroo's sleeve. 

Kenma looked up with wide, pleading eyes. "I... didn't want to be alone right now…" 

"Do you...wanna sleep with me?" Kuroo asked in a quiet voice. It's not like they haven't slept in the same bed before, but he felt like it was important to ask kenma anyway. 

Kenma nodded. "If that's ok with you…" kenma fidgeted with his hands. 

Kuroo smiled, soft and kind like always. "Of course. Come on." And kuroo quickly pulled kenma towards his room.

As soon as they reached his bed, Kenma flopped down on top of the covers and seemed to pass out immediately. Kuroo signed as he tucked Kenma under the sheets, and smiled as he heard soft snores coming from the now formed lump under his blanket. He found it adorable, and the way that Kenma's eyelashes brushed against his cheek was...beautiful.

It didn't take him long to get into his bed as well, his breathing a bit quick from excitement. He jumped slightly when Kenma rolled over on his side and burrowed his face into Kuroo's back. Kuroo could feel the mist of Kenma's breath on the back of his neck and it sent shivers down his spine. 

"Thank you…" kenma said in a faint voice, barely above a whisper, and kuroo fell in love all over again. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo!!
> 
> Tysm for reading! Feel free to leave a comment or some crit!! 
> 
> Have a good day!


	20. Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenma and kuroo go somewhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sup y'all! This chapter took so long so please enjoy(^._.^)ﾉ

**Kuroo pov**

Four days passed by too quickly. 

They didn't talk about what happened, kenma didn't seem like he wanted to discuss it and kuroo didn't want to push. So they sort of brushed it aside, almost like it never happened. 

After that day however, when kuroo came home from practice, he would find kenma curled up in the master bedroom, cuddled under the covers and eyes closed and resting. The first time kuroo had "caught" him, kenma had turned beet red and sputtered over his words before he realized that kuroo didn't mind. (He actually found it adorable, but of course he didn't tell kenma that.) 

It happened at night too. While Kuroo was getting ready for bed, Kenma would slip under the sheets and fall asleep almost instantly. Kuroo, too tired and not mean enough to ask kenma to leave, would simply lay beside him. In the morning, more often than not, they would wake up wrapped around each other. 

It didn't take long for it to become their new normal. Kuroo loved it, of course. It felt  _ right _ to wake up every day next to kenma, and he wouldn't trade it for the world. 

___________________________________

On day five after the incident, kuroo finally managed to work up the courage to ask kenma. They were sat down at the table, eating dinner, when Kuroo seemed to talk too suddenly. 

"H-hey uh...kenma?" Kenma jolted slightly, surprised by the sudden noise. His eyes peered up, quickly meeting Kuroo's. 

"Well I was wondering…" kuroo scratched the back of his head, and Kenma knew he was nervous about something. Kenma's head tilted to the side, and Kuroo did all he could to stop himself from blushing from how cute it was. 

"Well uh…" kuroo took a breath. It felt like he was asking kenma out on a date, even though that wasn't what was happening. Well ...maybe??? It could be?? Kuroo's mind Ran to fast.

"Do you want to go to the amusement park with me? They've got it all decked out for Christmas and I wanted to go before they took it all down…" kuroo could feel himself blush. 

Kenmas eyes went wide. He'd never been to a fair or theme park or anything of the sort. The thought of going somewhere with so many people, however, made him nervous. But it was kuroo asking, and Kenma couldn't say no. 

"S-sure." Kenma said nervously. 

Kuroo's eyes lit up. "R-really?!" He sounded shocked. 

"Y-yeah." 

The smile on Kuroo's face warmed kuroo to his core. It was like his whole world became more colorful in an instant. Kenma knew that he wanted to see kuroo that excited more often. 

"Awesome! Well uh…" kuroo stood up and picked up their now empty plates. "How's tomorrow sound?" 

Kenma nodded, not really thinking too much about the actual date. Kuroo smiled again, and Kenma nearly melted. 

_______________________________

**Kenma pov**

They woke up early the next day. 

They ended up in the same bed again the previous night before, and woke up tangled together, kenma wrapped tight in Kuroo's arms. Kenma woke up feeling refreshed and actually happy. 

Turns out that kuroo had some errands to run first, and he would be back around two. The place was a bit far, about an hour and a half away, so they would get there a bit late. Luckily, they had lots of night time activities, including the fireworks show. Kenma found himself actually excited for something for the first time in a long time. 

He ended up staying at home while kuroo did what he needed to do. He needed to go to the bank and pay some bills and go shopping, and since kenma would be around so many people tonight, he decided it might be best to be by himself for now. 

Around two in the afternoon, kenma heard the door creek open and Kuroo's voice boomed, "I'm home!" 

Kenma perked up immediately, practically running towards kuroo, who was still taking his shoes off at the door. Kuroo looked up and could see the excitement in Kenma's eyes, a smile creeping on Kuroo's face as soon as he saw him. 

"Ready to go?" Kuroo asked, putting his gym bag in the mudroom. Kenma nodded, his eyes wide. Kuroo could tell kenma was brimming with excitement, despite not saying anything. Kenma quickly ran to his room, returning swiftly with his backpack, filled with snacks and several water bottles. He had been too excited to just sit around and play games, so he decided to pack some things for the road. 

Kuroo, sat on the couch for a quick rest, was nearly scared out of his pants with how quickly Kenma entered the room. Heart cliched over his heart, he spoke. 

"Christ kenma, you scared the hell out of me!" A light hearted chuckle to tell kenma that he was joking, but Kenma didn't seem to hear kuroo at all. 

"Are we going?" Kenma carefully shifted from one foot to the other. He could feel a shiver go down his spine, his hair standing on end. 

Kenma hadn't been this excited for something in so long, and he realized that it wasn't the thing they were going to do, but rather who he was going with. It was almost like they were going on a date sort of, even though kuroo would probably never feel the same way he did. 

Kuroo's smile made kenmas heart swell. "Yeah, give me a second to change and we can head out." Kuroo leaned forward, braced his hands on his knees, and rocked forward to stand up. His arms stretched upwards as Kuroo let out a content grunt with how his back popped before finally making his way to the bedroom. Kenma's blush when Kuroo left the room was out of control, the blotchy red tracing to his ears and down his neck. He even felt his chest heat up, and he thought that if he looked down his shirt, the skin there would be a bright red as well. 

Kenma found himself on the couch, head in his hands, trying desperately to rid a hot, stretching kuroo from the front of his mind. But he couldn't, the constant thought of Kuroo's midriff peeking out from his shirt and the toned skin of his stomach seemed to be playing right behind his eyelids. 

He felt awful, like he was invading Kuroo's private self. It felt so incredibly intimate, like he was honestly not supposed to be here in Kuroo's life and seeing him like this. 

He knew that sharing a bed was also intimate, but it was probably Kenma's fear of being alone while he was so vulnerable that brought that on.it was kenma being pushy was all it was. 

He nearly cried on the spot, his emotions almost overwhelming him. It was so sudden and irrational, but Kenma managed to keep it together and compose himself before kuroo came back, wearing a pair of jeans with a red shirt and black coat. He was patting his pockets, looking for his wallet and keys. He found them and then looked up, his smile falling when he laid his eyes on kenma. Kenma must not have been as composed as he thought he was, maybe his blush was still staining his skin or maybe his eyes were still watery, either way Kenma felt awful for making kuroo frown in such a way. He was worried, his eyebrows furrowing.

"Hey are you...ok?" Kenma had been so excited just moments before, and now he was pouting on the couch like an idiot. 

Kenma turned his eyes upwards, meeting Kuroo's. He nodded quickly, trying to dispel Kuroo's worries.

"Let's go." Kenma said as he stood up and headed towards the door, not noticing the confused expression on Kuroo's face. 

Of course kuroo was concerned. Kenma had seemed to occupy the majority of Kuroo's thoughts this past month and a half, and it made not worrying about kenma sometimes nearly impossible. Kenma has his issues, of course, just like kuroo does, and kuroo often found himself in a sudden panic if kenma was alright.

But now wasn't the time to question the other man. Tonight was going to be fun dammit, no matter what either of them thought. 

Yeah, tonight was gonna be alright. 

_________________________________

The drive was too long in Kenma's opinion. 

He spent the entire time with his head leaned against the car window, his eyes tracing the horizon. Long car rides always made him a little bit sick, and this was no exception. 

Luckily kuroo was extra patient with him, keeping the music on the quiet side and making sure kenma drank enough water to offset the effects of his car sickness. 

But despite Kuroo's efforts, Kenma's stomach churned for just a little too much for a little too long, not enough for concern but just enough to make the ride not enjoyable in the slightest. 

Of course, the only thing making this bearable was the fact that kuroo was completely doting over him. Kenma found it adorable the way that kuroo lifted his eyebrows just a little when kenma groaned quietly in pain, and kuroo would rub his shoulder to keep him focused on not being sick, despite the fact that he was currently speeding down the freeway as fast as the speed limit would allow him. 

They managed to get there in a timely manner, and the second kenma stepped out of the car his stomach settled nearly in an instant. Of course this didn't stop kuroo from making sure kenma was okay every thirty seconds, resting a hand on his back as soon as kenma set foot on the parking lot pavement. 

Kenma quickly shook kuroo off, wanting to get to the ticket gate as soon as possible so they could finally see the inside. Hopefully the inside was just as pretty as Kuroo had described it being, and hopefully none of the rides shut down due to the cold weather. Kenma had never been on a roller coaster, and even though he probably wouldn't like it, he was thrilled at the idea. 

His eyes panned over to the largest coaster in the park. It looked at least twenty stories tall and had lots of twists and turns. A string of cars rushed by a nearby track, and Kenma could hear their screams from where they stood near the center of the parking lot.

"Let's go." Kuroo said suddenly. He was wearing the backpack that Kenma had brought, now with car keys and wallet. Kenma nodded and followed Kuroo towards the gate, led to by a long sidewalk with not enough lights and a creepy looking picnic area that was probably meant for people to eat at before people entered the park. Of course, no one ever listened to  _ that _ rule. 

"What do yah wanna do first?" Kuroo asked. It was a simple question, but Kenma honestly didn't know the answer. So he shrugged and then spoke. 

"Not sure, whatever you want to do I guess." 

The teasing smirk on Kuroo's face told Kenma that might not have been the best thing to say. 

"Welllll…" kuroo tapped his chin. "If it were me, I'd head straight for the giant…" 

Kenma groaned. There was no way he'd be able to go on that huge coaster right off the bat and kuroo knew it. 

A gentle cackle brought kenma out of his thoughts. He looked over to see kuroo bending over in silent laughter. 

"Pffft...I wouldn't do that to you." He continued.

Kenma pouted, and Kuroo could have sworn that his heart ceased to exist for a moment.

"We can go on one of the smaller rides first, or maybe play some games. There's lots to do but it's honestly up to you." Kuroo shrugged the backpack further up his shoulders. 

"Well…" kenma said sheepishly. "I've always wanted to ride a roller coaster...I've never been on one." 

Kuroo gasped. "Really!? Not even one of those kitty coasters!?" 

"Nope. Never." Kenma said, ignoring Kuroo's obviously shocked face. 

"We'll go straight to one! I know a great one that would be perfect for your first ride!" Kuroo started walking faster, like he had been given some kind of urgent quest. Kenma struggled to keep up, and at some point he had to start sprinting. 

He could tell at that point that this trip was bound to be interesting. 

_________________________________

Security was interesting. 

Kenma had never gone through a bag check before, and he was glad that kuroo had hid the snacks under the extra gloves and hats that he packed. 

It took longer than he expected, about twenty minutes before they finally managed to get inside, but boy was it worth it. 

The inside was  _ spectacular _ . Long cords of fairy lights strung between sidewalk lamps, creating a starry effect that beautifully accentuated the giant Christmas tree in the middle, glowing brightly as the lights twinkled in the late afternoon. Kenma knew that it would look even better at night, they would have to come back and see it after the sunset. 

Behind the giant tree was the merry-go-round, something else he never got to ride, and as soon as he saw it he knew what he wanted to do first. 

Kenma, eyes excited, tugged on Kuroo's sleeve, quickly getting his attention. 

"What is it?" Kuroo asked. He quickly followed Kenma's line of sight and figured out what he wanted to do pretty quickly. His face shone in the lighting as he dragged Kenma to the waiting line, which was also heavily decorated. The rails were wrapped in more Christmas lights then Kenma had seen in his entire life, and the sight seemed to catch Kenma's breath in his throat. 

The line was short, only a few people long, and Soon enough they were at the front. As as soon as they got on, kenma asked to sit on one of the benches because sitting on one of the various animals was 'too embarrassing.' kuroo snickered but obliged, sitting next to kenma during the ride. 

The sudden horn and jerk of the ride nearly scared Kenma out of his skin. Of course no one had warned him that the start to rides were loud in any way, but he supposed he should have figured that anyway using common sense. 

Another sudden movement, and an arm slid it's way around Kenma's waist, and peering up revealed a blushed red kuroo looking at kenma like he was the only thing on earth. 

"B-bit chilly don't you think?" His expression was faint and unreadable, and it sent kenma into some kind of silent frenzy. It was so incredibly clichè, the way that he basically had his arm draped around kenma, and it made kenma think for a moment that maybe,  _ maybe _ he had a chance. 

"Y-yeah…" Kenma's face was probably redder than Kuroo's was, and he knew for a fact that Kuroo could see it because the second he felt his face heat up Kuroo's smile softened in a way that Kenma had never seen before. 

Deciding to give in, kenma rested his head on Kuroo's shoulder. leaning into the contact, kuroo took it as a sign to tighten his hold on Kenma's side. Kenma felt something click between them, and he knew things were changing quickly and drastically, like things were finally,  _ finally  _ settling into place. 

_______________________________

After Kenma's first ride experience, they decided to go and check out some carnival games. 

Kenma was absolutely blown away by most of them. The loud noises and bright flashing lights were just enough to want to try them, and try them he did. 

They ended up going stall to stall, playing eleven games in total, of which Kenma won seven. They had so many stuffed animals by the end that they almost didn't have enough room in their bag for them all. 

Kenma's favorite was the giant Charmander that he won In some kind of shooting game. Kuroo named it "charry" and it seemed to stick immediately. It was about three feet tall and didn't fit in the bag, so kuroo found himself carrying it everywhere they went. 

The next thing they did was ride another small ride that Kenma never got to ride as a kid, the teacups. Kenma thought they were alright, until kuroo made them go as fast as they could go and then Kenma did  _ not  _ like them at  _ all. _

They decided to take a break after that to let Kenma's stomach settle, and kuroo suggests they go to one of the parades. And so they sit down on a dirty bench in a too crowded area and watch the floats come and go. They were Christmas themed, of course, and every one was based around a different Christmas movie or something along those lines. 

Kenma liked it overall, though he was very vocal about how the music was way too loud for his liking. 

After that, they decided that Kenma was ready for his first rollercoaster. They decided on one of the mid-sized ones to start off with, not so big that it would freak kenma out, but not so small that Kenma would be self conscious about standing in line. 

They settled on a ride called "the basking dragon," a ride based on dragons flying, which kuroo thought was the best thing ever. 

About halfway through the forty five minute queue, however, kenma was starting to get second thoughts.

"Come oooon!" Kuroo pleaded. "It's fun! I promise! You said you wanted to ride a rollercoaster while we were here right? Well this one is like the second best in the whole place!" Kuroo was waving his hands around wildly, and Kenma knew that if he backed out now, he would never hear the end of it.

"It just...looks really tall...what if I freak out on the way up?" 

"Well, the ride only lasts a couple of minutes, so if you don't like it then you never have to experience it ever again, ok?" 

Kuroo felt himself being pushy, he knew it. Kenma was an anxious person, an anxious person without a lot of experience which in turn made him more anxious. Kuroo knew that this might bite him in the ass later, but he honestly thought that trying new things like this could really help kenma build new confidence.

And so, after a few more minutes of pleading with the half blonde man, kenma decided to stay. And kuroo, being the person he is, practically picked kenma up with the excited hug that he received after he agreed, and Kenma's heart skipped a beat after his feet left the ground. 

The line moved fairly quickly after that. Well, it probably felt like it was moving faster to kenma due to all the excitement. 

Soon enough, they were at the front of the line. 

Kuroo stepped into the car first, taking Kenma's hand so he wouldn't lose balance and sat in the seat to their left. Kenma sat down and was at a complete loss of what to do. 

"Here. You just pull it down like this and then put the buckle in here…" kuroo demonstrated by pulling down the lap bar and buckling in the seatbelt that went down the center and through his legs. 

Kenma did everything kuroo did, making sure that everything was good. The last thing he wanted to do was fall out. 

After they buckled themselves in, the ride operator checked to make sure everyone was in correctly, tugging on everyone's restraints to make sure they were functioning properly. 

Then, the operator pushed a button on the control pad, and off they went. 

___________________________________

The accent was the worst part, in Kenma's opinion.

The second they were back outside and Kenma saw the seemingly giant hill they were about to go up, Kenma grabbed Kuroo's arm like his life depended on it. Kuroo slid his hand back, slipping their fingers together. 

"I've got you." Kuroo reassured, and Kenma trusted him, squeezing his hand in response. 

The way back down was just as frightening. 

The steep hills, the twists and turns, the upside down loops, they had kenma practically screaming the whole time. Of course, kuroo seemed to have no fear of what was going on, and was nearly bursting out laughing the entire time. Kenma would find it funny later. 

Then, nearly as soon as it started, they were back in the building they started in. 

Kenma seemed to be reeling with adrenaline, his chest felt light weight, like he had been flying, and he felt dizzy. 

Kuroo stepped out first, grabbing Kenma by his shoulders and helping him up and towards the exit. 

"So what did you think?" Kuroo asked. 

Kenma thought for a moment before deciding. 

"Can we go again?" 

___________________________________

The rest of their night was spent riding coaster after coaster after coaster. 

Kenma was very persistent about it now, pulling kuroo aside every time he saw a new ride that he hadn't seen yet. They rode everything, even the little kitty coasters that didn't look very exciting at all. 

They ate at some point, the greasy overpriced carnival food you'd expect. Kenma had funnel cake for the first time, which he loved. 

The end of their night came too fast for both of them, the sun had set long ago and the park was closing soon. They had time to ride one more ride, and it was Kuroo's turn to pick. 

"The ferris wheel." 

"The ferris wheel?" 

"Yeah. The big wheel right there." Kuroo pointed. "You can see the whole park! All the lights and everything.". 

Kenma hummed at the thought, and nodded. 

"Yeah. Let's go." 

____________________________________

**Kuroo pov**

It was beautiful. 

The entire park, lit up with more lights than Kenma or kuroo could ever imagine, twinkling. It was like an ocean of small, winking lights, never stopping. 

Despite that, kuroo couldn't look away from kenma. He looked more beautiful than anything that he could see out of a window. 

He stared, as Kenma peered out of paned glass and into the abyss of stars that painted the ground. They lit up his face perfectly so Kuroo could see every soft feature and formation. He could spot the very faint freckle just behind his ear and another one on the spot where his neck met his shoulder, the small bit of acne scarring from from he was probably a teenager, as well as the small creases under his eyes from stress. 

'Gorgeous.' 

Kuroo's stomach turned at the thought, his head spinning. 

They were so close, their knees touching and shoulders bumping together, it was all kuroo could focus on. 

Kenma, wondering why Kuroo was so unusually quiet, turned to face him, gasping when he saw kuroo looking at him with such love that it could only mean one thing. 

What happened next came naturally. 

Kuroo's hand, rough from his years of volleyball, came to rest on Kenma's cheek. He felt warm, not like he was running a fever but the kind of warmth you get on a cold winter day and you're curled under blanket after blanket and wrapped around a very important person and there's hot tea and a fire in the fireplace and…

It felt like home. 

And as Kuroo and Kenma's eyes met, they both pleaded the same thing. 

' _ kiss me' _ . 

And they did. 

Lips pressed together, soft and warm. It felt like fireworks exploding between them, like they were the only people on earth and nothing else mattered. It felt  _ good,  _ they both decided. 

Kuroo's hand traced Kenma's jawline as he pressed further into the touch, their breath taken away. 

It was only when they pulled away that kuroo realized what he had done. 

He had just pulled _Kenma,_ the guy he was sure _didn't_ _like him_ , into a kiss he _didn't ask for._

"Fuck I'm…" kuroo turned away, flustered and frustrated at himself. "I'm sorry. I don't know what got into me." His face was hidden in his hands. 

"What are you talking about?" Kenma asked, his hand on Kuroo's shoulder. 

"You didn't ask and I just...it felt right and I kinda went with it without asking first and I…" 

"Hey. It's ok " kenma interrupted. "I wanted to do that too." Kenma was flushed red yet another time that day. 

"Really?" Kuroo peered over at kenma. 

"Yeah." 

Kuroo's heart throbbed. 

' _ ohmygodhelikesmewhatthefuckhelikesme????' _ Kuroo's thoughts ran a million miles an hour. 

"Does this mean…" kuroo started. 

"Yeah. I like you too." Kenma rested a hand on top of Kuroo's. It was so small compared to Kuroo's, but it fit perfectly. 

"Are we...could we…" 

Kenma smiled, a small, fond smile that kuroo had never seen before. 

"I'd love to be your boyfriend. If you'll let me."

Kuroo's smile was blinding, like he had discovered something incredible that would change the world. 

"Of course. Only if you let me kiss you again." Kuroo smirked faintly, just barely enough to be noticed. 

Kenma, rolling his eyes, simply nodded, and leaned in for another kiss. 

___________________________________

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhhh and so they finally kiss. 
> 
> Thanks for reading y'all:)
> 
> Comments welcome:) feel free to request a plot point or a scene you'd like to see:))


	21. Snug

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short and fluffy:)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all!!! I'm back!!! 
> 
> This chapter is so short but took foreeeveerr cause I was only writing like??? Two or three paragraphs a week or something????? Anywho please enjoy the fluffy boys 👀

Kenma pov

Kenma was exhausted by the time they got home. 

Nearly half a day of doing nothing but being around people and doing exhausting things will do that to someone. 

But as Kuroo and Kenma slipped through the door to Kuroo's apartment, kenma couldn't be happier. Even though he felt like he was going to drop where he stood, he couldn't seem to get the short, small smile that had appeared on his face ever since kuroo had kissed him. 

Kuroo, as keen as ever, noticed Kenma's condition. A small smirk appeared on his face as he wrapped an arm around Kenma's waist. 

"Tired?" He asked.

Kenma nodded. "Yeah. Exhausted." Kenma reached up and rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands. His head was spinning with fatigue and he suddenly felt like sleeping on the tile floored mudroom. 

"Let's go to sleep then." Kuroo said, dragging kenma along by his hip to the bedroom. 

Once they reached the room, kuroo sat kenma down on the mattress and took his jacket and shoes off. Kenma huffed in appreciation, not having enough energy to say anything. 

"There you go." Kuroo leaned up and pressed a soft kiss to Kenma's temple. "Lay down. I'll be right back." 

Kenma did as he was told and huddled himself under the covers. They were much warmer than usual and Kenma wished that Kuroo would shut up already and come to bed too. 

But kuroo didn't. Instead Kenma could hear the loud rush of the shower being turned on. A short whine escaped his lips. He was exhausted beyond belief, and all kenma wanted to do was to curl up next to his boyfriend and fall asleep. 

Boyfriend

It was a strange thought. Kuroo was his boyfriend now, and Kenma was over the moon with the idea. A rare, genuine smile plastered on his face and he felt a shiver race up his spine. 

It took only a few minutes for kuroo to shower, and soon enough kuroo was standing in the doorway wrapped in nothing but a towel. He changed quickly, the dark room not leaving any light to see anything. A few seconds later, kuroo slipped under the covers and tucked himself right next to his very sleepy boyfriend. 

"Get some sleep ok?" Kuroo muttered as he pressed a small kiss to the turn of Kenma's neck. 

Kenma, unable to think or talk, was out like a light within seconds. 

___________________________________

Kuroo pov

When Kuroo woke up the next morning to alarm, he couldn't help but smile at the lump of warmth in front of him. 

Kenma was tangled in Kuroo's arms, his head resting delicately on Kuroo's chest. It felt so incredibly right that kuroo wondered why he hadn't kissed kenma earlier. 

Gently holding Kenma's cheek, he placed a chaste kiss to his forehead. "Morning sleepyhead." 

Kenma curled up at the touch, sighing into the crook of Kuroo's neck. His breath was abnormally hot on Kuroo's skin, and when kenma let out a long, quiet whine, kuroo knew something was wrong. 

"You ok?" Kuroo asked as he ran a hand through Kenma's hair. 

"Hurts…" kenma gasped out. 

Kuroo was hit with a pang of worry, and he reached up to feel Kenma's forehead, which, of course, was hot to the touch. 

"You're burning up." Kuroo ran another hand through Kenma's hair, hoping to soothe the other man. 

Kenma somehow wiggled himself closer to Kuroo, pressing his face into the space right under the other's ear. 

"Don't...feel good…" kenma managed to say. 

"Sorry babe...you probably picked something up at the carnival yesterday…" kuroo rested his hands on Kenma's back, keeping him in place where he laid on top of kuroo. 

"Tired...throat hurts…" Kenma muttered. 

"I know babe...I know...do you want some water?" Kuroo asked, and Kenma immediately tensed. 

"No...stay here…" Kenma's eyes were still closed as he pressed his nose further into Kuroo's neck, and kuroo sighed. 

"You'll feel better if you take some medicine and have something to drink. Do you think you could keep something down?" 

Kenma didn't talk, rather opting to shake his head "no" Kenma's arms wrapped so tightly around kuroo that he was sure that he wouldn't be able to get up even if he wanted to. Kenma was much smaller than kuroo though, so who knows. 

"Go back to sleep then. You sound really tired." Kuroo turned his head and pressed another small kiss to Kenma's forehead. 

"Yeah…" kenma huffed before quickly falling asleep. It only took a few minutes for Kenma's breathing to even out. 

Kuroo was very careful not to wake his partner as he slowly slipped out of bed and headed to the kitchen. When kenma woke up, he would need his temperature checked, something to drink and eat, as well something for his fever. He gathered everything he needed, a thermometer, a bottle of water, a granola bar, and some ibuprofen, in haste and returned to the bedroom, where kenma was currently wrapped around the comforter like his life depended on it. His breathing was a bit ragged, which was never a good sign. He snored slightly louder than usual as well. 

"Hey. Kenma. I need you to wake up for me." Kuroo said as he placed the aforementioned items on the bedside table. Kenma, of course, didn't stir. He had fallen into such a deep sleep in such a short amount of time that it made kuroo spike with worry. 

"Hey. Come on." Kuroo reached out and shook Kenma's shoulder gently, and the other man finally cracked his eyes open. 

"What." Kenma asked in a pissed off sounding voice. 

"I need to take your temperature. It'll only take a second. Then I've got something that'll help with the aches."

Kenma turned his head to look at kuroo, who was already reaching the thermostat towards Kenma's face. 

"Open wide." Kuroo said in a sarcastic tone, and Kenmas expression turned slight to that of confusion and disgust. He didn't resist however, but flinched slightly at the cold metal under his tongue. 

A few moments passed before the thermometer went off, and kuroo carefully took it between Kenma's lips. 

"102.1" kuroo said faintly. 

"Mmmph…" kenma muttered before pressing his face back into his pillow. 

"Hey now. You should take some medicine and get something to drink yah know?" 

Kenma shook his head, obviously stubborn to not do anything but sleep. His limbs hurt and felt like lead, and his eyelids felt like they were plastered with glue. 

"Kenmmaaaaa. Come on!" Kuroo said, obviously frustrated. "you just have to take this then you can sleep as long as you want, ok? I'll stop bothering you…" kuroo said, and Kenma suddenly shot up. It was a bad idea in hindsight, and Kenma reeled with dizziness. 

Kuroo rested a gentle hand on Kenma's back, running it up and down his spine. "Hey. It's ok. Take this and go back to sleep." Kuroo said as he gave kenma a small cup filled with purple liquid. Kenma scowled again at the sight, knowing it's going to taste absolutely horrendous. 

"Just take it and get it over with. Like ripping off a bandaid or something." Kuroo said as the cup settled in Kenma's hand. Kenma's nose scrunched up even further as he chugged the medicine in what felt like two seconds. 

"There yah go" kuroo said as he took the cup from kenma. "Not so bad is it?" 

Kenma didn't respond, but instead huddled under the covers in a desperate attempt to get warm. His fever was sending shivers up and down his spine and it felt like the tip of his nose might freeze off. He felt miserable and the only thing he wanted was kuroo by his side. 

"Kuroooooooo" kenma whined. Kuroo had left the room to return the cup to the kitchen, and Kenma wanted him back. 

"What's up? Something wrong?" Kuroo tilted his head, peering inside the room. 

"Come heeeereeeee." Kenma whined again. 

"I'm here, I'm here." Kuroo's voice was almost panicked as he walked into the bedroom, worried that Kenma was in some kind of pain. 

"Lay with me." Kenma demanded, and kuroo nearly burst out laughing. 

"Sure. Ok. Scootch." Kuroo said. 

Kenma wormed his body around until there was a sufficient amount of space for kuroo to lay down, and kuroo wiggled his way into bed until he was pressed softly against Kenma's chest. 

"This alright?" Kuroo asked. 

"Perfect." Kenma said

And for a moment, it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo!!! Thanks for reading!!!! 
> 
> Feel free to ask for requests or comment! 
> 
> Thanks!!! 
> 
> -jinx


	22. In between

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenma has a bad start to his day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!!!!
> 
> I'm so sorry this took forever. I started a new job thats been taking up all my time lol and I also moved!!! 
> 
> Here's something short to tide y'all over! Next chapter will be plot heavy I promise haha. 
> 
> Requests for this story or other one shots are still open if y'all want to request some hurt/comfort stuff :p 
> 
> Hope y'all enjoy !!!!

Kuroo pov

Kenma didn't get out of bed the next morning. 

It was officially Christmas Eve, and kuroo was beyond excited. He'd always loved Christmas as a holiday. He loved giving gifts, and liked receiving them just as much, and he loved walking and driving around the day before to see all the decorations that people had put up. He loved sitting in the park with a cup of hot chocolate in hand and looking at the stars and peoples twinkling lights until he was too tired and headed to bed.

It was something he looked forward to every year. It was tradition. 

But kenma wouldn't get up. 

Instead the smaller boy laid on their shared bed, still obviously not feeling good from the day before, and stared at the bedroom wall, unmoving, not saying anything to anyone. He trembled slightly, obviously holding back tears for hours on end.

Kuroo pried, of course. He tried to desperately figure out what the hell was going on with his boyfriend. He even tried physically moving the smaller man, but kenma seemed like he was stuck in the spot he had fallen asleep in last night. 

"Kenma. I'm serious. You have to get up. Eat something. Drink some water. Use the bathroom. Something." Kuroo's growing frustration was obvious, and he felt his ears start to burn red. 

"No." Kenma spoke the first word he had spoken today. And, now, instead of getting up, kenma huddled closer to the wall and nested himself in as much of the comforter as he physically could. 

"Kenma." Kuroo grabbed at the blankets, irritated. "You have to get up and take care of yourself dammit." 

Instead of responding, kenma simply sighed and pressed his face deep into the nearest pillow.

Kuroo let out a groan. It was obvious that something was wrong with kenma, if he could get him to talk then maybe he could help, but of course kenma wasn't giving kuroo any indication as to what was going on. 

"Seriously. You have to tell me what's going on. I can't help you if I don't know how." Kuroo sat down on the side of the bed, reaching over to run his hand through Kenma's hair. 

Kenma shook his head and then spoke. 

"Not ready." 

"What do you mean? Like…you're not ready to tell me specifically or like…not at all?" Kuroo questioned. 

"At all." Kenma's voice was small and shaky. Something was eating him up inside. 

"If you're not ready to tell me that's ok. Just please tell me what you need and I'll get it ok?" 

Kenma turned his head to stare Kuroo in the eye. 

"Ok"

____________________________________

Kenma pov

December 24th was always the worst day in Kenma's life. 

For whatever twisted up reason they had, Kenma's parents would always treat him the worst the day before Christmas. Maybe it was because his mom's dad, who had been financially supporting them, had passed away on that day twelve years ago, or maybe they just wanted to make kenma hate what was supposed to be the best time of the year. Either way kenma always hated today.

It was...difficult to explain why kenma had such an adverse reaction to the day before Christmas. Excpecially what happened on the Christmas Eve the year before he got kicked to the streets. He never really talked about what had happened on the day to anyone, even shoyou. He refused to let anyone know about what happened on what he considers the worst day of his life. 

The second he woke up he felt off. His body felt heavy, like his limbs were made of lead. His head felt stuffy and he couldn't seem to focus on anything he was thinking about, his thoughts loud and tiring. 

Kuroo tried to help, he really did. He nearly pried kenma out of bed a multitude of times, But kenma was too stubborn and too tired to get up. At some point, kuroo sat next to him and tried to coax kenma into talking to him about what was making him upset and if there was anything he could do to help, and Kenma had requested a couple of simple things, like water and a small bit of food. 

Over the next two or so hours, kenma faded in and out of consciousness. He felt so tired but so anxious at the same time, which in itself was also exhausting. 

He knew he would have to give in and get up at some point, Excpecially with a now present sting in his bladder telling him as such. 

At some point kenma gave in and sat up to use the restroom. He was only gone for about two or three minutes but when he returned he had found that the sheets, covers, and even the pillows that were previously draped over the bed, were gone. 

Kenma was more than frustrated. All he wanted to do was lay back down and sleep some more but someone had decided to taken upon himself to take everything off the bed for no explaneble reason. 

And so kenma huffed and headed towards the living room, where he found a very smug looking kuroo draped across the couch, his attention clearly directed towards the phone in his hand. He had that look on his face that told everyone "I did something amazing!!" And Kenma was pretty much seething, witch was interesting to feel when exhaustion pricked at his skin at the same time. 

"Kuroo." Kenmas voice was Curt and cutting. When kuroo turned to face kenma his smirk turned into an uncertain frown. It was then that kuroo knew that he'd done something to piss kenma off, and was bracing to run. 

"H-hey kenma!" His voice faltered. "I noticed that the bedding was getting kinda gross, so I went ahead and put it in the wash! I hope you don't mind!" His comment was followed by nervous laughter and a rub to the back of his head. 

Kenma wanted to shout at him. Scream at him that all he was doing was making things worse and that all kenma wanted was to be left alone. 

But kenma thought a moment. He knew what kuroo was doing, trying to get him out of bed and maybe even out of the house in the best way he knew how, sneakily and without asking. 

He was still tired, eyes dropping as he stood. All we wanted was a comfortable place to lay down and rest. 

So instead of doing what he normally would, flying off the wall, he did something else. 

He walked over to the couch, where kuroo was still spraled out over the upholstery, and basically laid himself over Kuroo's warm body. Seriously, why kuroo was so warm was beyond him, but it was basically laying on top of a space heater. 

Kenma wigged around until he was comfortable, his head resting right under Kuroo's chin. Kuroo seemed surprised, his eyes widening when he realized what kenma was doing. 

It took a moment, but kuroo eventually wrapped his arms around Kenma's hips, pulling him close and placing a short kiss to the top of his head. 

"I'm sorry babe. You can sleep if you want to." 

And so kenma did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading y'all!!!


	23. Lights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas Eve is supposed to be a good day...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry y'all it's like 1am and this is super unedited please take it

Kuroo pov

Kenma rested fitfully. 

His eyes wrinkled and stirred around, his body trembling slightly. His scrawny hands gripped tightly to Kuroo's arm, causing light red marks to appear. 

Kuroo was beyond worried about his partner. He knew for a fact that something was up, something major. The fact that kenma wouldn't talk to him stung, but he also understood. There are things about himself that he has yet to tell kenma, and probably never will unless he has to. 

A sudden sting of pain thrust him out of his thoughts, and he looked down to see Kenma's fingernails digging into the skin of his upper wrist. His face was oddly contorted in a way that looked like kenma was in pain, and kuroo felt his chest tighten, a tingling sensation going from the center of his chest and traveling to the tips of his fingers. His hands suddenly felt cold, and he felt the familiar tug of anxiety in the back of his neck, telling him that something was very very wrong.

He hesitated for a moment, a split second. He felt the pull of uncertainty in the pit of his stomach, a burn that went all the way to his thighs and up his back. 

He hated feeling like this, when anxiety told him to move but his lack of self worth made it hard to actually do anything. It felt like he was physically stuck, his arms and legs strapped In place and his mouth was taped shut. 

Then, suddenly, kenma let out a whine.

It was quiet and painful, and sounded vaugly like a sick animal that was trying desperately to hang on to life. Kenmas teeth chattered with what kuroo could only assume was from intense fear.

Suddenly kuroo felt a lot lighter

"Babe" Kuroo lifted his hand and ran it through Kenma's hair. Kenma let out about whine, louder this time but much shorter. 

"You have to wake up. You're having a nightmare." Kuroo slid his hand down to Kenma's back and started rubbing at the delicate skin at the base of his spine. 

Kenma seemed to shiver at the touch, and suddenly his eyes jolted open. Kuroo could see the absolute fear in Kenma's eyes. 

"Kuroo." Kenma said I'm a raspy breath. 

"Hey there." Kuroo took a hand and rested on the base of Kenma's neck. "You were having quite the nightmare. You ok?" Kuroo tried to keep his voice steady, trying not to make it seem to Kenma that he might have been a burden in any way. 

"S-sorry…" kenma was taking deep breaths, and from the way his eyes watered it looked like he was holding back tears. 

"It's ok." Kuroo pressed a light kiss to Kenma's forehead. The hand that wasn't on Kenma's neck was slowly drifting up and down Kenma's back.

The dam broke. 

It started with a choked sob. It came from the back of Kenma's throat and it sounded like he was strangling himself on his own breath. 

Then the year started to fall, fat and heavy. They streamed down Kenma's face and seemed to never stop. His eyes glistened, but not in any way kuroo would like them too. Kuroo took a hand and gently rubbed them away. 

Then kenma pressed his face into the start of Kuroo's shoulder, taking sharp and ragged breaths that shook kuroo to his core. 

Kuroo knew that something had happened to Kenma on this day. It wasn't anything that kuroo had seen before, this much sleeping, no eating, not even using the restroom unless absolutely necessary. The thought of what might have happened left kuroo reeling over and over, untill, in only a few seconds, it felt like kuroo was also left out to dry. 

"I-im sorry...I'm so sorry…" kuroo could feel the vibrations of kenma talking on his skin, and it sent a shiver down his spine. 

"Kenma. You have to tell me what's going on. I don't know how to help you." Kuroo rubbed kenma on his shoulder, up and down and up and down. 

Kuroo heard kenma suck in a deep breath, only to let it out in a suffocating wail. Kuroo felt his shirt turn wet, soaked with tears. 

"They…" kenma started, before he was sorely interupted by another cry. 

Kenmas started to shake even more than he already was, and kuroo tightened the grip his right hand had on kenmas waist. 

"Hey hey. It's ok. Take as much time as you need." Kuroo said in a reasuring voice. He rested his head on Kenma's, leaning the left side of his head onto the crown of Kenma's temple. 

"They…beat me…*hic* the year before…*hic* they kicked...me out they…." 

Another tired, broken sob. Kuroo nearly started crying with him. 

"They beat me nearly to death…*hic* and I…*hic* had to go to the hospital…." 

Kenma was nearly hyperventilating at this point, but kuroo thought it would be best to let Kenma finish his thought before kuroo said anything.

"That was….today…*hic* three years ago…" 

Kuroo was pissed. 

No, he was beyond pissed. 

How could anyone, anyone, ever think about doing anything like that to kenma? His kenma. 

Sure, he may seem apathetic at first, a bit aloof maybe, but kuroo knew that underneath the skin was a kind and affectionate man who just wanted to be loved and accepted. In Kuroo's eyes, kenma was an amazing, incredible person that didn't deserve any pain, more or less the suffering that those people he called 'parents' had done to him. 

Kuroo was getting so emotional, that he started crying himself. 

"I'm so sorry kenma. I'm so so sorry…" kuroo pressed his face into Kenma's mop of hair and cried softly, letting silence fall over them for a moment and letting kenma let out his sobs. 

It filled him with rage just thinking that someone, anyone, would even think about doing something like that to kenma. And in the moment, Kuroo swore to himself right then and there that if he ever met Kenma's parents he would beat them to a pulp.

A promise he intended to keep. 

___________________________________

Kenma pov

The rest of the day wasn't as rough. 

After Kenma's crying fit, Kuroo had managed to lift Kenma up, despite his exhaustion, and make them both something warm to drink, hot chocolate for kuroo and some tea for kenma. 

"Hey so what if…" kuroo said, his lips pouting as a too warm sip of his drink slipped down his chin. He had managed to slip an arm around Kenma's shoulder, pulling his flush against his side. "What If we tried to make today a happy day instead? You know, go out and do fun things?" 

"Like what?" Kenma asked. The last time he had done something fun on Christmas he was around ten, and even then the events were minimal. 

"Well…" kuroo thought. "How about we bake a pie? I know you like pie." Kuroo said with a straightforward tone and a grin on his face. "We could go and look at Christmas lights too, oh I heard there's supposed to be a fireworks show at the lakeside park if you want to go to that? Oh and don't forget the Christmas movies too!" 

Kenma couldn't miss the glint in Kuroo's eyes. He realized all too late that Kuroo probably had planned to have a great day today and not deal with Kenma's problems as per usual. Kenma suddenly felt out of place, like he wasn't supposed to be there. 

"A-ah well...if that's what you wanna do…" kenma said, voice wavering. 

"Is that what you want to do?" Kuroo asked. 

And Kenma thought. 

"Yes."

________________________________

Kenma pov

Turns out making a pie was a lot...messier then kenma expected. 

The first thing that happened was kuroo tripped over his own feet and dropped the glass pie pan they were planning on using all over the floor, shattering it to what seemed like a million peices. Kenma was proud to say that he only panicked for a brief moment before composing himself and helping kuroo pick and sweep up the broken glass. 

Afterwords, Kuroo realized that they had absolutely nothing that they needed to make a pie, so they decided to take a quick trip to the grocery store. They drove there this time, not wanting to have to carry everything back to the apartment while it was so cold outside. While meandering through the isles, kuroo would occasionally find something he realized they needed at home and put it in their basket. By the time they were done, they had filled the basket with enough groceries to last them at least a month.

Of course, the second they got home, they realized they had forgot the new pie pan and had to turn around in the parking lot, go back to the store, pick out a new pan, and finally, finally, had everything they needed to make a pie. 

"I can't believe how much stuff we have to carry in now." Kenma sighed. He hated having to carry groceries up the stairs, and he also hated that he had to do it multiple times. 

"Yeah yeah. At least we won't have to go shopping for a while!" 

Thirty minutes later, they had all the groceries taken inside and put away. Ten minutes later they were ready for pie making. 

"Ok ok so like...I think we smooth this out right? And then...put it in the pan?" Kuroo read the back of the pie crust box. 

"I think so?" Kenma said as he started slicing up apples. 

"Ah well…" kuroo said as he picked up the tray. 

At that moment, kuroo, once again, tripped over his own goddamn feet and let the pie pan slip from his hands, letting it shatter all over the kitchen floor for the second time that day.

And as they stood there, staring at the second ruined apple pie of the day, the both thought the same thing. 

"Let's...let's just go buy one." Kuroo sighed. 

"Yeah. Let's do that." Kenma replied. 

__________________________________

Kuroo pov

Two hours later, the pie had been bought, a movie had been watched, and cuddles had been had. 

The pie they bought had been from a small little bakery about a block away from the apartment. They were lucky to get there when they did, they only had a few apple pies left. 

Kuroo smiled as he saw the glint in Kenma's eyes the second he saw the pie. Of course this didn't stop him from making a stupid joke about how much kenma loved pie.

"If yah love it so much, why don't yah marry it!" Kuroo practically shouted, startling nearby pedestrians. Kenma, face red, simply tried to pretend that Kuroo didn't exist, letting out a nearly silent laugh that only Kuroo could hear.

When they got home, the pie was gone within minutes. Kenma sank his teeth into the thing as soon as the first slice was cut. 

"Hey now! Wait for me at least!" Kuroo shouted. But it was too late and Kenma was already settled on the couch, pretty much devouring everything on his plate in just a few seconds. 

They had decided on a cheesy hallmark movie and laughed at all the cheesy parts. As the movie ended, Kuroo pressed gentle kisses to the side of Kenma's lips, And Kenma returned with the same. They stayed like that long after the movie ended, wrapped up together. 

And now they walked down the street, side by side, looking at the Christmas lights that people had put up. The entire city seemed to be completely engulfed in bright, twinkling lights.

They stopped by the town hall, where they had erected the giant Christmas tree they put up every year. The best part about it was what seemed to be the festivities that surrounded it. 

Carts and stands surrounded the tree, selling trinkets and food and the like. The stands themselves were covered in more lights. Kuroo could hear the gasp that came from kenma.

"Let's go check it out!" Kuroo shouted, excited. He grabbed kenma by the hand and dragged him along to the nearest food stand. 

Kenmas hand felt warm in his own, and Kuroo seemed to steam with affection. He wanted nothing more than to hold and love on his partner. The thought made him flush slightly.

He bought two hot chocolates and pulled kenma to a nearby bench. Kuroo handed kenma his drink, who happily took it. 

It was late in the evening at this point, the sun setting against the sky. It was nearly dark and you could see some of the brightest stars starting to come out. 

It was a quiet-ish moment for them. They didn't talk, to Kenma's surprise. They simply stayed put and enjoyed the scene around them. 

Kenma thought for a moment. Of how this day had been so bad for so long, and the relief of it not being like that for now. He still felt somewhat shitty, a nagging feeling in the back of his thoughts. But he was grateful that Kuroo was such an amazing, incredible person. Kenma swore to himself that he would try his best to do the same to kuroo in return. 

"Hey...kenma?" Kuroo asked in a quiet voice. The sound sent kenma on edge. 

"Yeah?" Kenma's voice was slightly strained, but kuroo didn't pick up on it. 

"I'm glad I met you." Kuroo smiled, and Kenma let out a breath of relief. 

Kenma, in a rare display of public affection, leaned on Kuroo's side, kuroo wrapping his arms around his boyfriend nearly instantly. He settled his cheek on Kuroo's shoulder. It was so incredibly comfortable that kenma never wanted to leave. 

"I love you, kuroo." Kenma said without too much thought. 

"I love you too, kenma."

________________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank


	24. Christmas time:)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas fluff:)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all this chapters so late omg. 
> 
> Please taken this ty

Kenma pov

Christmas day was much better. 

Kenma woke up to a warm bed next to his partner, an arm wrapped around his waist and a breath tickling the back of his neck. 

Kuroo was still out cold, but kenma didn't care. He twisted his body around so he was facing his boyfriend, sliding his face into the space between the pillow and the base of Kuroo's neck. It was incredibly comfortable, Especially to Kenma's standards. 

He stayed there for a short while, breathing in the scent of Kuroo's old spice shampoo. It smelled vaguely of wood and...something sweet? Kenma wasn't sure. 

Kenma traced his hand along Kuroo's side and along his back, hoping to wake him slowly. Sure enough, about a minute later, kenma heard a long and drawn out sigh coming from kuroo. 

"Mornin'" kuroo muttered. His hair was particularly shook up in the morning. Kenma thought it was adorable. 

"Good morning sleeping beauty." Kenma pressed a small kiss to Kuroo's cheek. 

"Mhph...too early…" kuroo stuffed face into Kenma's hair and took a deep breath, sighing right after. 

"It's…" Kenma turned over and looked at the bedside clock. "Ten thirty five." 

"Too early." Kuroo slid his arms down so his hands rested on the square of Kenma's back. 

"Kuroooooo. It's time to wake up." Kenma said loudly. "It's Christmas. I thought you'd be more excited." 

"Mm...don't need anything else…" kuroo said In a quiet voice, and his words sent kenma into a blushing mess. 

"Big sap." Kenma whispered, pressing yet another kiss to Kuroo's cheek. 

_____________________________

Kuroo pov

They got out of bed eventually.

Kenma was adamant about making breakfast this morning. He said that because he didn't get kuroo a gift that it was the least he could do.

Kuroo thought kenma trying to cook was adorable. It was obvious that he was trying his best to make them something good despite his limited knowledge, and kuroo couldn't ask for anything better. 

Kuroo had thought kenma se basic cooking stuff when he first moved in. Kenma explained that his parents never taught him, so if he wanted to know how to make something he had to learn it for himself. So kenma lived off of mac and cheese and microwave meals for the latter part of his high school career. 

When he was done, kenma had made them both omelettes and bacon. It was simple but kuroo still really appreciated it. 

They ate at the breakfast table. Kenma didn't talk much, but he usually didn't talk a lot in the morning after just waking up. Kuroo, however, was telling kenma story after story as per usual. Kuroo had lots of stories to tell from his time on his current team and he loved to tell them. 

"Ready to open your presents?" Kuroo smiled. 

"O-oh uh...you really didn't have to get me anything…" kenma blushed. 

"You're my boyfriend! Of course I'd get yah somethin'!" Kuroo was extraordinarily cheery, and it just made kenma blush even more. 

Kuroo pretty much shot out of his chair when kenma nodded, rummaging under their tiny Christmas tree for the gift he had gotten for kenma. He pulled out two boxes, a large one and a small one. 

"Here yah go!" Kuroo put the presents on the table. 

Kenma opened the presents slowly, trying to save the wrapping paper like he was taught so long ago. Kuroo stared at him patiently, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet, pretty much vibrating with how excited he was. 

"It's…" kenma squinted. "A...a computer?" 

"It's a gaming computer!" Kuroo nearly shouted. 

Kenma peered up, his voice wavering slightly. His eyes were glossy, like he was about to cry. "you really didn't have to…" 

"It's fine! You seem to really like gaming, and with this you can play more!" Kuroo wrapped kenma into a tight hug, one that kenma reciprocated. Kenma's heart nearly skipped a beat. 

"Thank you, kuroo. I love it." Kenma's face was shuffled into the base of Kuroo's neck. 

They eventually pulled away, Kuroo pressing a quick kiss to Kenma's forehead, with Kenma pressing a kiss on Kuroo's cheek in return. 

"Well uh...I know I said I didn't...but I got you something too…" Kenma plopped off the chair and walked over to the room Kuroo and Kenma shared. Kuroo, shocked, followed kenma. 

Kenma rummaged under the bed for a few moments, before pulling out a small box. 

"Here. For you." Kenma planted the small box in Kuroo's hand. "It's...not much. But...it's... something…" kenma stood there, flustered. 

Kuroo smiled brightly. "I'm sure it's great!" 

He unwrapped the present in a matter of seconds, tearing the paper beyond saving. In the wrapping was a small cardboard box, painted white with a black cat printed on the top. Kuroo opened it and inside was a simple necklace, with a small cat charm in it's crest.

Kuroo loved it. 

"It's...so cute…" kuroo nearly whispered. 

"Do...do you like it?" Kenma asked shyly. He looked down, fidgeting with his hands. 

"I love it!" Kuroo took the necklace out and put it on immediately. 

"I thought it looked like you...the cat I mean." Kuroo looked down at his chest to take a closer look at the charm. It was of a small black cat with hazel eyes, the same color as Kuroo's. 

"Thanks kenma." Kuroo wrapped kenma into yet another tight hug. 

And Kenma hugged back yet again. 

__________________________

Kenma pov 

They stayed together for the test of the day.

Kuroo insisted that they watch yet another cheesy christmas movie together, this time it was some animated movie with a cute style and a talking snowman. Kenma was very snug against Kuroo's side, wrapping himself around his boyfriend. It was so warm and comforting that kenma never wanted to leave. 

Kuroo’s hand laced through kenmas, his hand squeezed slightly as if he was trying to tell kenma that he was here and would never leave. 

__________________________________

He doesn't remember when the kissing started. 

Kenma has pressed a short kiss to kuroos neck in a fleeting moment, and one thing led to another he supposed. Now kenma was on top of kuroo, kuroo’s hand wringing through his hair while kenma pretty much pinned him to the couch. 

All kenma could think about was how warm the other was. It wasn't a searing, painful kind of warm, but rather a kind of warmth that made him nostalgic. It reminded him of a warm campfire on a coldish night, or perhaps the curling of blankets of a home long forgotten. 

“Kenma. I love you. I love you so much.” kuroo managed to say in between breaths. His face was painted red, and his breath was warm. 

“I love you too kuroo.”

_____________________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> I love comments to feel free!


	25. Spin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenma goes to therapy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all 
> 
> I'm trying to post at least once or twice a month at this point, but no promises rip. 
> 
> I've got this whole story planned out, I just need to acctually write it lol. Hopefully things go as planned *-*
> 
> Feel free to comment or suggest some fluff that I plan on putting in this story too!

**Kuroo pov**

Kenma started therapy a few days later. 

Kuroo drove them to a small medical building about fifteen minutes away. Neither of them knew where to start with something like this, so they ended up choosing a psychiatrist near them that had some decent reviews. Her website said that her name was Shimizu, and that she had a background in treating people with PTSD, anxiety, and depression. 

“Are you sure about this kuroo? We don't know this person... what if…” kenma had been rambling about everything that could go wrong during their appointment since he woke up this morning and remembered that today what the day. 

“kenma. everything will be fine, ok? I already told you that i'll go in with you, and if i think it's going sour then we can leave. So even if something goes wrong nothing’ll happen, aight?”

Kenma took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. He could feel his hands shake as they pulled into the parking lot, and he started to sweat as he stepped out of the car. Kuroo led him into the flat two story building, taking his hand and squeezing his hand in comfort. 

The waiting room was relatively quiet. There were only a couple of other people in the small space, an older man with who looked like either a son or a grandson, and a woman who looked to be in her early thirties scrolling through her phone. 

They both sat In a pair of seats farthest away from the others. It was obvious that Kenma's anxiety about the whole situation was starting to get to him, and kuroo didn't want it to be exasperated by making him think that other people were watching and judging him. 

Kenma, nervous and not knowing what else to do, shook his leg while messing with his phone. He swiped through apps, trying to find something to take his mind off of what his family had convinced him would be a horrible experience. 

About five minutes in, the woman was called to the back, and Kenma let it sink in that they were really here, and that he was going on in just a few minutes, and there were so many things that could go wrong, and,  _ and,  _ **_and._ **

He didn't realize he had stopped breathing until kuroo rested a hand on his shoulder. He managed to let out a loud, gasping, breath before grabbing at Kuroo's shirt. 

" _ Kenma" _ kuroo whispered in a quiet voice. " _ Let's go outside _ " Kuroo grasped gently onto Kenma's shoulder, hoisted him up so he was standing, and quietly guided him to a not very well seen area of the medical buildings corridor. 

As soon as they were away from any prying eyes, Kenma collapsed against the wall, sinking down so his chin met his knees and so his hands covered his face. He sounded like he was breathing through a straw, his chest rising and falling at a much too rapid pace. 

Kuroo did what he always did to help kenma calm down. It wasn't much, but it seemed to help. He rested his back on the wall and slid down so he was sitting right next to Kenma, his arms wrapping around his very distressed partner. 

"Shhhh. It's ok. It's ok." Kuroo ran a hand through Kenma's hair. "Can you tell me...five things you can see?" 

"I-i-i…" kenma croaked out "w-wall…" his chest seemed to heave at the words, like breathing itself was painful. 

"Good. Good. What else?" Kuroo whispered. He knew that loud noises would only make kenma worse. 

"Stairs. L-light" he could barely hear Kenma's voice, quiet sobs wracking his partners body over and over. 

"Alright. Just two more things." Kenmas shaking didn't stop, but he seemed much more receptive to touch, so Kuroo rubbed his hand up and down his arm in an attempt to help Kenma become more grounded. 

"St….stairs….you…." Kenma's shaky hands once again grasped onto the loose fabric of Kuroo's shirt. Kuroo's heart nearly ripped in half at how much pain it looked like kenma was is. 

"Ok….ok you're doing good." Kuroo took a deep breath and pressed a small kiss to Kenma's forehead. "can you tell me...four things you can hear?" 

Kenma breathed in a wobbly gasp before answering. "The lights...buzzing...someone... walking…*gasp* ph...phone going off... somewhere... breathing…" kenma managed to raddle off. 

"Good ok...three things you can feel." Kuroo's tone was encouraging, and he could feel Kenma's shaking starting to die down. 

"My...clothes….hand...cold…" kenma said, his voice much less shaky than before. 

"Two things you can smell."

"Cleaning….stuff...cologne…" 

Kuroo let out a small huff. " Last one. One thing you can taste."

"Just...food from earlier." Kenma's voice sounded tired. Kenma was usually drained after one of his attacks, and kuroo was gradually getting used to it. 

"Good good. You feeling any better?" Kuroo asked.

"Yes." Kenma rested his chin on Kuroo's shoulder, closing his eyes and taking deep breaths to calm himself down from any remaining anxiety. 

They stayed there for a few minutes, waiting for kenma to clear his mind. It felt like hours had passed when kuroo finally spoke. 

"Do you...want to leave?" 

Kenma looked up at his with a confused expression. 

"I mean...we don't have to do this if you don't want to. I know...I've been a bit too pushy about this...I really think it'll help but…it doesn't matter if you don't want to go." 

Kenma looked away in thought. 

"I...want to go."

_______________________ 

**Kenma pov**

The walk back into the waiting room was awkward to say the least. 

The older man and his grandson looked over as kuroo and Kenma entered the room. It was then that kenma probably looked like he'd been crying. He probably had red splotches coating his face and his eyes were probably red and puffy and…. 

"Kenma Kozume?" A tight and feminine voice said. It was a voice that kenma didn't recognize, and it took him a second to realize that he was being called back. 

Kuroo, the good partner he is, took kenmas hand in his and dragged kenma towards the door where the voice had come from. 

"This way please." Said a smaller woman with glasses. 

She led them both to a nearby room, in which was a woman. He had black hair and a mole on her chin, as well as a pair of rectangular glassing hanging low on her nose. She was writing something down in her notebook, and Kenma's brain immediately told him she was writing something bad about him. 

In an instant, kenma peered around the room. It was a smaller size, with the woman sitting in what looked like a comfortable rolling chair. The rooms' lights were dimmer than the rest of the building, the room only being lit by two small lamps. There was a couch pushed to the opposite wall, small in size and covered in decorative pillows and comfy looking blankets. There was a small table separating the woman and the couch, with a box of open tissues laying on its surface. The walls were covered in cheesy decorative posters with quotes that nearly made kenma cringe. 

"Hello there. Go ahead and take a seat." The woman's voice was sugary sweet. She staid focused on her notes, her writing speeding up. 

Kuroo and Kenma walked in. Kenma subconsciously stayed close to kuroo and used kuroo as a block between himself and the woman he's never met before. They took a seat on the couch, and a few moments later the woman finally stopped writing and put her notebook down. 

"Sorry about that. There was a sudden change in schedule with another client." She placed her notebook on the table in front of her. 

"My name is Shimizu kiyoko. I'm your counselor for today's session. Could I get your names?" Kenma took note that her voice was quiet but endearing. It wasn't too loud, and kenma appreciated that she didn't make too much noise. 

"I'm kuroo tetsuro." Kuroo said calmly. Almost like he'd been to something like this before. 

"Kenma." Kenma said in a quiet voice. It was still gravelly from his attack earlier. 

"Alright then. Let's get started."

____________________________

The rest of the appointment went well.

It took awhile for kenma to warm up to shimizu. She was a nice woman, but kenma still didn't know her. But after a few minutes, kenma started talking and by the end kenma was nearly completely open with her. 

He talked about kuroo first, about how they were partners and how kuroo had saved him from a really bad situation after they met. It was an easy topic to talk about, kenma really liked Kuroo. 

Then he talked about his panic attacks. How they were frequent, happening on a near daily basis. They had died down after kuroo had let him into his home, but they were still ever present in his life. Shimizu explained that panic attacks were a common occurrence In much of the population, and that there was medication that could help with general anxiety, as well as medication he could take only when he felt his anxiety spiked. 

"We'll try a small dose of something to help with general anxiety first, then we can add or switch medications as needed." Shimizu wrote something down in her notebook. "Let's start with 10mg of prozac and see how it works." 

"What's...prozac?" Kenma's voice waived. He didn't know he would be recommended medication  _ today.  _

"Prozac is what is known as a Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor, or SSRI for short. It increases the amount of serotonin in your brain and is used to treat depression, panic disorder, OCD, and related issues." Shimizu explained. "It'll help with your panic attacks, as well as these depressive moods you've described."

Shimizu looked up from her paper for a brief moment. "I do want to warn you, this medication is not a cure all. It can take up to six weeks to determine if this medication will work for you long term. Please don't hesitate to come back soon if the medication makes you sick, or makes your symptoms worse." 

Kenma was anxious. He didn't know that taking a medication like this could be so scary. He thought, for just a moment, about declining the medication all together. But then he thought about life without panic attacks, and he made his decision. 

"I understand." Kenma said. 

Shimizu smiled and nodded. "allright. Well, with a combination of medication and therapy I'm sure you'll feel some relief from these attacks soon." She reached over and grabbed a small piece of paper before writing something on. 

"Here's your prescription. Take one pill in the evening. Make sure you take it every day at the same time, but don't worry if you forget once or twice to take it, you might get some withdrawal symptoms but it won't be life threatening or anything to worry about." She handed the piece of paper over to Kenma, who held onto the paper like his life depended on it, like if he lost it he wouldn't get another one and this chance would be ruined. 

The rest of the appointment wrapped up soon after, shimizu went into depth about possible symptoms, how the medication could make him feel sick or cause suicidal thoughts to worsen or suddenly appear. He was told to contact them or the nearest doctor if it were to happen. 

"Alright. Well unfortunately our time is up today. I hope to see you soon Kenma." 

And just like that, it was over. 

____________________________

**Kenma pov**

Kenma felt relief fall off his shoulders as soon as they stepped out of the door. Kuroo slipped his hand in his at the same time that Kenma let out an exasperated sigh. 

"You did good. I'm proud of you." Kuroo said quietly, looking around briefly before pressing a small kiss to Kenma's forehead. 

"That was terrifying." Kenma said in response. 

"I know. But you still went through with it. I'd say that's pretty great." Kuroo's eyes were lidded and it looked like he was about to fall asleep. It was quite late in the evening, almost eight pm. It was a choice between a late time, and one early in the morning, And they both knew they wouldn't be able to wake up that early in the morning for something like this. 

Kenma, flustered, turned around, his hand still wrapped around Kuroo's. "Let's go home." 

And so they did.

________________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again!! Tysm for reading!!
> 
> Comments and criticism are very much welcome! 
> 
> Also i know kuroo might sound a small bit condescending, but he means well i promise! Im trying hard with


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